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Crocker! Eat

By Dan Crocker Apr 9, 2015 - 2:21 PM print


At Schnucks a lean woman
puts low fat butter into her cart
Then at Wal-Mart a man
sneaks diet pills into his coat pocket
Later, at Denny's, I watch old folks
order from the “Fit Fare” menu

My wife looks me over before she finally says
maybe you should try something low carb

To this I say no
I will eat

I will eat with abandon and love it
as none have loved it before me
Fat will hang from my bones
in great folds. Shake like
blinds in a gale when I laugh

My fat will be an avalanche

I will wear the greasy lips of a hamburger
eating man. I'll wipe my Cheeto stained hands
upon my sweat pants and not give a damn who's watching

When I hit 1000 pounds, I'll make the talk show circuit

Well, Ellen, I don't really have any regrets. I'm a man of
many vices and all in all it's been a pretty good life. Ellen
won't believe me of course, but then again, she has to stay
thin for television

When I die, my children will have a hard time finding
a casket for me. They'll have to bust the church door
down off its hinges to fit me in. When they sing “How Great
Thou Art”
they'll be talking about Taco Bell

When people ask my wife what happened,
the smile of gorged passion still wet
upon my lips will be her answer.



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