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This Week in TNA: Down, Out, and Depressed

By Corey Letson Nov 21, 2012 - 5:53 PM print

Previously on TNA…


TNA News of the Week

-TNA will be having their PPV Final Resolution on December 9th.

TNA Impact in Review

James Storm has arrived to the ring after his (spoilers) win against AJ Styles this past Sunday at Turning Point. He has been on this road for an entire year.  This isn’t an acceptance speech, but James Storm takes some time to thank people while holding an award he made up. Friends, family, fans, and people who thought James Storm sucked helped him achieve his goal. James Storm is the number one contender to the World Championship.
Bobby Roode wants to join in on the celebration. Here is a beer to both men. Congratulations for ruining AJ Styles’ dreams. It’s always good to watch James Storm ride the coattails of someone else. The fans are ready to be disappointed. Your daughter is waiting for her daddy to come home a failure as soon as he does.
James Storm wants to fight. He even throws a few punches. Bobby Roode doesn’t want a fight. There is nothing in it for him. Unless, James Storm is man enough to put up the number one contendership. Storm doesn’t think that is worth it. Bobby Roode thinks that James Storm’s daughter would be a nice quickie for him when she turns 18. The Cowboy believes he’ll beat Roode’s face in for that comment.

Hulk Hogan feels terrible about AJ Styles situation. He is a failure for an entire year. His momentum isn’t what it should be. Hulk Hogan has offered opinions for him. AJ has been in the same spot for years and hasn’t done anything about it. That’s AJ Styles fault.

Remember when Sting got destroyed with a hammer? Don’t worry, you just got yourself a reminder.

Does DoC think he has done enough? The DoC hasn’t done things wrong. He destroyed Sting and Joseph Park. DoC will find out later tonight if he is a member of A&E. He has to give up his coat for the time being. Devon would love to stay for the Jagerbombs, but he has to play some darts and kill a guy.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kid Kash for the X-Division Championship

I was just about to make a huge statement about TNA wanting every single match to have some big backstory to it. How they couldn’t just have a match for a matches sake. They proved me wrong before the bell even rang. They’re just given RVD some tv time.
This match is here to get the crowd going and throw some action out there. We all know Kid Kash isn’t going to win. Kid Kash isn’t exactly the greatest thing ever too. Kash isn’t a bad performer, but he never feels like he fits into the TNA fold. The way he sounds and acts it just seems like he really still needs that ECW environment. That isn’t a bad thing, it just makes him in TNA seem awkward. The guy seems seconds away from just going on the biggest hate filled tangent in existence.

These two wrestle a little bit more than I’d expect them to. There is even a pretty decent chunk of Kid Kash offense. In the end, it is all for naught as RVD retains with the 5-Star Frogsplash.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

Eric Young is telling ODB of all his adventures. She loves the guy. Eric Young cares more about right now and being awesome. Eric Young is going to destroy Jesse tonight. ODB is going to become number one contender tonight. They’re then going to party.

Kurt Angle has Garrett and Wes in the back with him. Angle is needing a tag partner. Garrett wants to team with Garrett. Wes wants to team with Kurt. The Wrestling Machine is going to go with Garrett on this one.

Jesse w/ Tara vs. Eric Young w/ ODB

I’m enjoying Jesse. I dislike myself for this. I understand that I suck because of this. There are lots of problems. I’m liking a reality show turned wrestler, kind of. It’s just all sorts of bad. I chastise myself every time he is on television to truly show off why I hate myself. I deserve to hate me. You deserve to hate me too.
They let Jesse have a good chunk of offense. He, again, doesn’t look half bad at any of it. Most people coming from his background have a problem with certain aspects of wrestling. Things looking good is actually high on that list. Jesse can make moves look like he’s going for them and EY makes him look pretty damn good. The guy has a nice dropkick.
Jesse has control through a majority of the match. Eric Young eventually strips down to his underwear for super strength and stuff. That allows ODB to tackle Tara. Eric Young gets distracted by his woman. Jesse sends EY into the guard rail. He then wins the match with a modified stunner.

Winner: Jesse w/ Tara

Joseph Park wants one more match with Aces and Eights. Hogan knows that people in Hell want ice water too. Joe is beaten and broken and screaming like a girl. Hulk won’t put someone like Joseph on the line again. Joe knows that Hogan is only seeing the man on the outside, but the man on the inside is a fighter.
Hogan doesn’t care. He wouldn’t try and be a lawyer. Joe has no reason to be in the ring. There will be no wrestling from Joseph. You’re not trained to be a wrestler. Joe thinks that is a great idea. Off to wrestling school Joey goes.

Samoa Joe vs. Brutus Magnus for the Television Championship

This match has no real reason for happening. It’s kind of like Alberto Del Rio against Randy Orton. Why? They’ve already done a specialty match. That is usually the killer to any and every feud.

Wait, never mind. Devon just took out Brutus’ knee with a bat. DoC then goes to work on Magnus’ knees with a hammer. Why? Because **** Magnus that’s why. These fans are just sitting there and watching it. They’re not even offering to help. What a bunch of jerks.
Devon almost decapitates Magnus with a bat until Bully Ray, Al Snow, Simon Dean, and D’Lo Brown come to his rescue.

They take a look back at the world title ladder match from Turning Point

How is Austin Aries feeling? Are you completely stupid? Austin Aries has a massage. He isn’t done with Jeff Hardy either. Turns out, Jeff is in the trainers room too. Austin isn’t a sore loser. If he was, he’d talk about how it was Jeff’s specialty match and on his home turf. Austin won’t do that. He will congratulate Jeff for raising his level to a spot that few could. That is all because of Aries.
These guys aren’t done. Austin sill wants something from Jeff Hardy. He can have this massage, though. We then go back into Jeff Hardy’s head and hear his thoughts on Austin Aries. Whyh does this moment always exist?

Kurt Angle wants to hurt Aces and Eights. They threaten him at Turning Point. They want to take him out like Sting? Screw that, it’s time to fight.

Kurt Angle and Garett Bischoff vs. Devon and Recruit

I get why they’re fighting. I don’t get it at the same time. Kurt beat them clean. Aces and Eights didn’t even get to the Olympic Champion at Turning Point. Kurt Angle took them all out. He brutalized them. He might still want to fight, but A&E already look like punks over this whole situation.
It turns out that not only can Kurt Angle kick A&E’s ass whenever he wants, but Garett can do it pretty easily too. A&E has control of Kurt Angle for a bit. They even wear the Olympic Hero down. Kurt Angle is a Wrestling God. The guy cannot be beaten by two measly men. When Garrett is taken down by a third member of A&E he can be outnumbered. Wes Briscoe comes to Kurt’s aid. With the kid’s help Garett and Kurt win the contest with a low blow from Angle.

Winners: Garett Bischoff and Kurt Angle

Jesse and Tara are looking for Brooke. Brad and Angelina might come to dinner. It’s cool, Jesse works out at the same gym. Tara and Jesse accidentally walk in on Bully Ray and Brooke doing something. Why weren’t they notified about this battle royal? If Brooke wants privacy she needs to learn how to lock the door.

Dixie Carter understands what AJ Styles is going through. He has chosen to stay focused on the past and not move on. The guy is just one big depression.

Knockout Battle Royal featuring Gail Kim, ODB, Mickie James, Madison Rayne, and Ms. Tessmacher

Battle royals are always fun to see. In person, they’re a really fun event. They’re also a pretty good match in the final few contestants. The problem with them, against the Royal Rumble, is that with so many people in the ring there aren’t many moves. The entire match is just a different segment of punches, chops, forearms, and kicks. It isn’t too much to report. They also really have a hard time building the final two. TNA doesn’t do these all that much, but if they take cues from WWE then it won’t be too bad.
Madison and Gail work together for a good chunk of time. Them working together even allows a quick victory.

Madison Rayne eliminates Ms. Tessmacher

ODB and Mickie James team up to take on Madison Rayne and Gail Kim. The two women start going to town on the BFFs. Mickie James helps Madison and Gail get slammed multiple times into ODB’s snatch. Yep, that is a move.

ODB eliminates Madison Rayne

Gail Kim gets away from an attack from ODB. She uses the opportunity to get another person out.

Gail Kim eliminates Mickie James

The two most dominate knockouts take it to each other. Mickie James doesn’t screw around with one really solid boot to the face, though.

Winner: Mickie James

James has raised the stakes tonight. He knows the consequences. Bobby Roode thinks he can just take it from him? It’s tiring and Storm is over it. AJ Styles passes by in complete silence.

The clubhouse has voted. Don’t let the door hit DoC in the ass on the way out. This angers the gigantic man. They all stand up in preparation of a fight as DoC slowly leaves. He opens the door to find his jacket awaiting him. The clubhouse then celebrates with some beer.

A quick look back at the triple threat match from this past Sunday.

AJ Styles has no world title gold in his sights until Bound for Glory 2013. It’s the kind of year that AJ Styles has had. He was accused of banging Dixie Carter. He was accused of having a baby with a crack head. The worst part was that people doubted him. He was only points away from wrestling in the Bound for Glory finals. AJ would’ve won it.
It didn’t happen. The year isn’t over yet. The holidays are here to stay. AJ Styles isn’t thankful for a single thing this year.

Christopher Daniels and kazarian are coming down to help cheer up their buddy. Kazarian thnks AJ Styles is a hound dog. Christopher Daniels wants Styles to know that they agree with him. This has been the worst year ever for AJ Styles. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. AJ Styles is looking at repercussions.
The problem is in the mirror. AJ Styles is a broken and flawed man. That is the entire problem. You can sing your sad song, but Christopher Daniels wants to remind you that he has told AJ he is a failure. He has been letting AJ know what Styles just found out all year long.
AJ is a failure? Look in the record books. Styles always beats Daniels. Christopher Daniels needs the reminder. They must need to do this one more time. Then they’ll find out who the better man is.
Kazarian isn’t going to let that stand. Daniels has nothing to gain from beating up AJ Styles. The Phenomenal One hasn’t been phenomenal in a really long time. The tag team champions are riding high. They are the true tag team champions.
Hold up. Wait a second Frankie. This is the perfect time to do Daniels/Styles again. They just need to throw down one final time. Then you’ll know who the best ever is.

Austin Aries majored in psychology. His favorite class was non-verbal communication. IF you just watch people you’ll be able to tell a lot. Austin has found out the buttons to push so he can make things happen. The truth will be unraveled next week.

Next week is a Gut Check Open Fight Night.

Kurt Angle runs into Al Snow, Bruce Pritchard, and D’Lo Brown. He wants Wes Briscoe in the Gut Check. There is a normal process to go through. D’Lo likes the kid. Kurt Angle will let Taz know how great of a deal it is.

Bobby Roode vs. James Storm for the #1 Contendership

Do you like TNA? Have you enjoyed the events they’ve been holding over the past year? Do you like Bobby Roode or James Storm? Then you already know this match, even in a television main event slot, is something you’ll want to sit and watch. James Storm and Bobby Roode have been a cornerstone of TNA since Beer Money split apart. If you’re a TNA fan looking into just getting a little bit of action then you’ll just take the time to skip and watch this contest.
The contest heads back and forth constantly. No man ever has a true overall advantage. Bobby Roode removes a turnbuckle pad. James Storm sets up for the Last Call Superkick. The IT Factor throws the referee in the way and then uses the bare turnbuckle to get a three count and the number one contendership.

Winner and NEW #1 Contender: Bobby Roode

Conclusions and Thoughts

The post-PPV shows have the same problem as the pre-PPV shows. It isn’t that it’s bad. They’re just formulaic. Thanks to that formula these sets of episodes can also be a little bit bumpier of a ride than the ones in-between those moments.

Highlight of the Night - Bobby Roode vs. James Storm

If you watch TNA you’ve been doing so, partly, for James Storm and Bobby Roode over the past year. You spent an entire year waiting for them to fight. TNA has a big fight atmosphere on their hands anytime these two men step into the ring against each other. There is no reason not to check out one of their fights.

Lowlight of the Night - Jefferey’s inner-monologue

Ok, it is a thing. I get it. This will be the last week I ever comment on it. I’ll just add one, small, piece of advice for the whole thing. When he is doing the inner-monologue can he at least be painted all over and have the second set of eyes? It at least would help me think he could put himself into a trance or something.

Five Questions for TNA

1) Why can’t James Storm ever have anything positive happen? I thought AJ Styles was the guy going through the downward spiral.
2) What would Aces and Eights have done if DoC just started destroying all of them with that hammer?
3) Where has Kenny King been?
4) Is there anyone interested in the television title besides Magnus?
5) Couldn’t Aces and Eights use the whereabouts of Joseph Park’s brother, you know, Abyss to get some leverage in their dealings with him and the rest of TNA?

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