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JG's Ten Crazier Fanbases Than Wrestling's

By James Guttman Aug 15, 2012 - 1:00 PM print


You ever look around your community and wonder why everyone's so weird? Well, don't feel alone. Wrestling isn't the only industry with rabid and insane fans. In a world of culture and choices, some fanatics latch on so strongly that it defines the entire group. These are Ten Crazier Fanbases than Wrestling's.

A few quick notes. First, I didn't include any science fiction. If I did, the whole thing would be "Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who," and so on. So I excluded them. Second, I left out pro sports fans because, well, they're all crazy. That's the gimmick. Lastly, "crazy" is in the eye of the beholder. Many of the examples here represent crazy in terms of devotion and not crazy in the head. It's up to you to determine which is which.


Howard Stern


Everyone has at least one friend obsessed with Howard Stern. Depending on where you live, you might have more. But there's usually one in the group.

He starts nearly every conversation with, "I was listening to Stern the other day…" Every interview he hears was on Howard Stern's radio show. Every piece of news was heard with a Jackie Martling laugh track over it. They fit phrases like "Baba Booey" and "F Jackie" into inappropriate speeches during family gatherings.

At the end of the day, Howard's radio show became much more. In what looks like a barebones studio decorated with a gothic pawn shop theme, Stern exploded into not just audio media. But ALL media.

How so? Well, take Captain Janks (and his army of followers)  for instance. It's his sole purpose to say something Stern-related on the air of live TV broadcasts. Whenever a tragedy throws the news channels into panic mode, he calmly calls in, pretends to be an authority figure and…

Wow, right? This is just one of many prank call-ins from Stern fans. Of course, this has been copied before and DJs like Kid Chris have gained notoriety from similar stunts.Seems like Howard's army is nothing but a bunch of juvenile Jerky Boys, right?

Ra-ra-wrong.

Now here's where you know your fan base is huge. Within a matter of weeks, you go from getting a disrespectful shout out during a time of tragedy to, well, this…

Yup. That's an Olympian. And that's the Olympics.  You don't reach farther across the fan spectrum than that. The guy had a split second chance to say something on TV and, after working for years to get this moment, he said "Ba Ba Booey". Robin! Fred! Give that man a gold medal in Whacky!


Tiffany


Pro wrestling had a Tiffany. She was an ECW authority figure and most people thought she was a bit crazy.

The regular world has a Tiffany too. She was a singer and most of her fans are a bit crazy.

Sound harsh? It probably does to someone who's never seen this movie:

For those who don't know, Tiffany Darwish was famous for the songs "Could Have Been" and "I Think We're Alone Now" in the 1980s. "Tiffany", as she was called by both crazy and normal fans alike, had the right sound at the right time. She was a bubble gummy sensation and we all chewed along.  Sadly, she   faded out as soon as she faded in. There were a few comeback attempts, but nothing really materialized. She also did Playboy. That's about it. Nothing more. No big whoop.

So why are these men so into  her? How is it possible that a documentary can be made detailing the stalker-like love these two hold for a faded icon? Something slightly off must drive these men.

Oh…and these men.

And this guy .

And…well, you get it. The world may never know. Red hair just drives some dudes crazy.


Big Brother USA


Big Brother is a global monster. The popular reality program focuses on giving fans a 24/7 viewing of houseguests and then the ability to vote one out each week. The contestants aren't allowed to talk game and, in an effort to gain favor with the voting viewers, each one puts on a smiley face for the pretty cameras. That's how it's done.

Everywhere except the United States, that is. Here, the houseguests most certainly talk about gameplay.  In fact, rather than allow viewers to vote on evictions, the players do the voting themselves.  No one puts on smiley faces. It's brutal.

Much like pro wrestling, Big Brother USA has it's own Internet Community. Websites like JokersUpdates.com and HamsterWatch.com follow the goings-on in the house with regular updates, discussion, photochops, rankings, and everything else you could imagine. It's just like the Internet Wrestling Community only with Big Brother.

If that's not IWC-like enough for you, you can check out the numerous podcasts interviewing (or hosted by) ex-contestants. Former winners like Evel Dick Donato and Jun Song take to blogs and webpages to share their opinions on it all.

With so much focus on this non-stop webstreaming reality show, it's enough to make you forget that life exists outside the Big Brother house. For those on the inside, the three month journey must feel like true time away from people. But in reality, it's anything but. Everyone's watching. Everyone's streaming. Everyone's documenting your lies and evil gameplay. Oh, and everyone can't vote. They can't get you out! They can't get you out of that house because they can't vote! ARGH!

So, some fans…well, they find more imaginative ways to get people back for their evil strategies. The most memorable came in Season 6 when fan favorite Janelle Pierzina was battling a group that called themselves "The Friendship" (seriously). Angered by the way the Friendship Leader, Maggie, talked about Janelle's morals behind her back, the fans did what any fans would do.

They began calling the hospital Maggie worked at and tried to get her fired.

Again, seriously.

It had gotten so bad that CBS's daily podcast "House Calls" featured a plea from Season 3 player Marcellus to "remember it's just a game". It was insane. But they learned their lesson, right?

Nope. To this day, death threats and 411'd phone calls to distant family members plague contestants. Newbies are routinely told to prepare for them upon starting with the show. Twitter only makes the delivery process easier…and condenses the insanity down to 140 characters or less.


Pee Wee Sports


I once overheard two guys talking about sports while waiting to drop my daughter off at preschool. It went like this.

That kid's got it. You see him? You see him out there? He's great. The other one they got, Sanders, he's lazy.

He's got no hustle.

None. His best days were last year. He's getting fat now. You can see. No hustle.

No hustle.

Sadly, the picture and headline above gives it away, but these guys were talking about seven year olds! Seven!

Let's be honest here. If you're talking about seven year olds playing pee wee something as if they're in the NFL, then there's something not right going on. Most pee wee football should consist of pointers, learning the rules, and going "Awwwww! Wook at him da widdle helmet!"

But some people don't do that. That's fine, though. Seriously. It is. We can mock how strange it is, but it doesn't do anyone any harm. There's a line. You can take the games seriously enough to talk about it as if it were the major leagues. But you can't take them seriously enough to do this stuff:

There have been stories of coaches tripping children during games, parents brawling, and even one dad who sharpened his son's facemask to slice players. It's a sick world.

But, as I mentioned, just because you talk about kids as adult players doesn't make you the type of nutcase that would cross the line. It's a fine line, but one that you don't cross.

In wrestling talk, it's the difference between being the guy who buys a replica WWF Title.

And being the nut who did this:



Justin Bieber


Just when you figured out who Zac Efron is, Justin Bieber shows up and blows it all to hell.

The YouTube sensation is synonymous with pop tart culture and screaming girlies straight from NKOTB Obsessed wombs. He leaves most men confused by his appeal and most lovestruck middle schoolers fawning over him as girls do.

Writing their first names with his last name on their notebooks.

Lining up for hours to see him.

Lining up for house to see him and missing their senior prom.

Wow. Really? Yeah. That happened. What else?

Sending death threats to Kim Kardashian after Justin jokingly Tweeted a picture of them together and referred to her as his girlfriend.

What?

Knocking his mother down and stealing his hat at the airport.

Holy crap.

I can write out 1000 of these, but, as they say, a picture is worth 1000 words.


Justin isn't the first and he won't be the last. Whether a Beatle, Backstreet Boy, or a member of Three Count, it's the price you pay for fame, as they say. A world where you can have sex with any woman you want…but there's a 45% chance she'll stab you before, during, or after.


My Little Pony


When I was in college, I had a friend who was sort of artsy. One night, around 11, he looked at his watch and told me there was a show I needed to see. He put on the Powerpuff Girls.

What followed was a cutesy cartoon about big eyed little girls fighting crime. I thought he was joking about liking it - but no. He liked it. He sat and watch intensely as a program clearly written for little girls made him giggle with glee.

We don't really talk anymore.

It explains why I wasn’t surprised to learn of the cult following "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" had among grown men. Grown. Ass. Men.

Yes. Some of them are you. Yes. You. Look. Do you think an 8 year old girl made this intricately decorated My Little Pony ring in WWE 12?

That's just one of many examples. Whether it's fan art or fan fiction or fan sites, Friendship is Magic has tons of adult male fans and you can't really figure it out.

My daughter is four years old and, after learning of the My Little Pony obsession online, saw that the show streamed on Netflix. She said she wanted to watch it and, as I pressed the button on the remote control and settled in, I was prepared to finally learn what all the hype was about.

It was a show for little girls about ponies.

That's it.   Little girl show.

All I can say to any men out there who obsess about this show is this - You're an adult. Go out. Buy a pony. Paint it purple and have your way with it. Just get it out of your system. We won't tell anyone. 


Apple


We live in the future. If you're under 25 or so, you might not understand. But as a kid who grew up in the 1980s, cell phones and the ability to watch any show I want wherever I am at any time is the future. That's where we are.

Whether it's Microsoft Windows or an Apple's iOS, I love having the ability to learn about anything at any moment thanks to the World Wide Web.

Seems like there's nothing wrong with that statement, right? Well, say it to one of these people and they'll stab you in the face:

Yes, that woman said she had never "knowingly slept with a Windows user". Must be really afraid of getting a virus. Badaboom ching.

So what causes this? Well, for once, I have a bit of an answer. According to a CNN study , love for Apple causes a reaction in the brain similar to religion for devotees. Take this information with a grain of salt, though. On one hand, it's an abstract study. Two, it's coming from CNN.

At the end of the day, though, Apple provides a great product. It's easy to get why the fans love it so much, even if they do take it too far. Some others, though, well. Not so simple…


McRib


When I was in elementary school, our cafeteria served McRibs. Honest. It was almost the exact same patty that McDonald's uses. There were no pickles and it was just called a "Riblet Sandwich", but that was it.

Oh and no one camped out in my school's auditorium waiting for lunch. There were no fan gatherings at recess from men in the neighborhood. No one cared. Most of us didn't even like it. It was rubbery and although it had no bones in it, felt as though it did. It was like eating a toy rubber ear on stale bread.

But you slather some sauce on that patty, put it in a corporate box, and tongue-tease customers by making it sporadically available, and baby, you got a cult following going!

Enter the McRib. People go monkeyshit over it.

A ghost of a food item from McDonald's, this patty has only been available in certain locations at certain times. People are so enamored by it that there is actually a website called "McRib Locater" that tells you where it is at a given time. The sheer amount of YouTube videos and polarizing articles about it only perpetuates one final conclusion. The McRib must be great.

It's gross.

As I mentioned, many find it to be like eating a fake ear in barbeque sauce. I'm not making this up either. One reason for the on-again/off-again appearances is that it was once a regular menu item…removed for poor sales. Then brought back and - yup - removed again. This went on and on. It wasn't until all you little food grubbers were told you couldn't have it that you went nuts. Yuck.

Then again, people also went nuts over a hard-to-find cup full of melted toothpaste.


So take it for what you will.


Twilight Saga


The Twilight Saga sort of pisses me off. I will explain why - as someone who knows almost nothing about it.

First, I was a fan of the Twilight Zone and feel like Rod Serling would bitchslap these kids.

Second, it sounds exactly like all the other gothic vampire stuff out there. I get it. Vampires. Girls want to have sex with vampires. Let's move on.

Third, many of the fans are crazy.

Take, for example, the relationship between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. The stars of the franchise have been dating in real life and when she cheated on him, it caused many fans to lose it. Lose it! Watch Will Ferrell parody the reaction as only he can.

Seem dramatic? Ha! That Will Ferrell sure knows how to exaggerate!

You know what's next, right?

Yikes. Maybe this thing is more like the Twilight Zone than I thought.


Furries


Do you know what a Furry is?

What? Snickers and Ice Cream?  No. That's a Flurry.

A "furry" is a fictional non-human character that acts human. You know, like Scooby Doo or Tony The Tiger or Bruce Vilanch.


The fan base of furries is massive and gathers regularly for conventions.

It's like having the fantasy of being a one of those amusement park walk-around characters without the pesky kids and pictures. The furriers even have a ranking system that recognizes long time members.

So, what's the problem with Furry Fans? Sound harmless enough. Actually, I should say that it should seem harmless enough. But it doesn't. Either this group has some weird fans or else they have an awful PR team.

Right on the official Wikipedia page, buried on bottom is a blurb that shakes the whole concept. For starters, CSI did an episode entitled - wait for it - "Fur and Loathing" that portrayed the event as a mass orgy of costumed characters. Vanity Fair featured an article with interviewed non-furry hotel guests during convention time. Observers called members "freaks" and "blatant homosexuals." Blatant. Blatant! It's the furry Yogi Bear mask that gives it away.

Also, according to the article, members of the U.S. Army who were there that day said that some attendees were "people that have problems". But, strangely enough, also said it was "something nice to bring kids to". Don't get that at all. I should bring my kid to a place where people you think have problems wear kiddie-enticing costumes? What sort of army officers did they interview who would give such advice?


Oh.

 




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