We Want Insanity
(26 Mins) JG's Free Audio Insanity: The New Era Blues
JG's 5/19/03 Raw Insanity: Ric Flair Cries His Way To a Defeat
The Question: What's Your Favorite Song Parody?
The ROHbot Report: Global Wars, War of the Worlds, and More
WWE Extreme Rules Real Time Coverage
Facebook
Twitter
Game Day - Fruit Ninja Movie, Batman Returns To Arkham, And More
TGIF: Brands Split, So Does Cody Rhodes, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 11: Reunion (Part 1)
(33 Mins) Honor Nation: Failing Alexander


JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)

By James Guttman Dec 31, 2012 - 9:50 AM print


JG Note: Some people write Hulk Hogan off as an exaggerator. Some call him a self promoter. Worst of all, some call him a fibber. But not me. I see the Hulkster as a modern day Hans Christian Andersen spreading yellow and red tales meant to inspire all who hear them. That's why I was so happy when I received the following article from Hogan himself. That way, in four years, when he starts to claim things that don't match up to your memories, you won't be surprised. It's a look back at 2012 through Hulk Colored Glasses, brother. Because your memories are all wrong and here's why...


I got my pump back, jack, Hulkamaniacs!   2012, brother, has been the year of the Hulkster and I couldn't be prouder. Of course, many of you will see this as the year when you finally got a chance to watch video of me being pleasured. Ah yes. That video is called TNA Impact and it airs every Thursday on Spike TV.

But that's not all I did, brother. I've been busy saving the world and taking some names. For example…

Whatcha gonna molest, brother?

Whatcha gonna do, Jerry Sandusky, when the largest arms in, uh, my condo development run wild on you!

That nasty Jerry Sandusky was banging kids for years until the power of Hulkamania rose up and pointed the finger in his face.    As he looked into my eyes, Mean Gene, I saw the blackness of the devil, man. I got on my Harley Davidson, revved that engine up, and, brother, with the power of Hulkamania coursing through my veins, I picked him up above my head and slammed him into prison. The power of my slam was so great that instantly his victims all became unraped and Penn State made me their president.

But the power of Hulkamania wasn't done yet. Chris Brown called me up, brother. He goes, "Hulkster, I love Rihanna. But I'm a changed man. I don't want to hurt her anymore. How can you help me, brother?" So I said, "Brother, I'll be there to help you. You're like my brother from another mother, brother."

Nasty Nick loaded up the 'Vette and downed a fifth of Jack Daniels. We rolled to Chris's house and I made sure he never had to put a hand on her again. How'd I do this, brother? With the largest arms in the world. Here. Look at this picture of how he got her to accept his engagement. Thanks, in full, to Hulk Hogan…

Say yes!

I said, "You marry him right now you Lisa Bonet-looking mother f**ker or else the largest arms in the world are gonna drop the Harley Davidson on the devil, brother!"

She did and the world rejoiced. No one is more loved that Chris Brown. That blockhead.

When I was done with that, I created this cute little dance on Youtube. All the kids were doing it.

HOGAN STYLE!

But it's not just dancing and fun in the land of yellow and red. No way, brother. Politics are a big part of my life. I believe in no taxes for Florida (or, in the very least, my development). I believe in yellow leather cowboy boots. I believe in walrus moustaches. I believe in a lot of stuff. So when Clint Eastwood asked me to sit in a chair while he told me over and over again how wonderful I am, I accepted.

He made my day.

See me smiling there? I was so happy. Afterwards, Clint asked me to kill him because he said no night could top this. I didn't kill him, of course, but rather used my super powers to restore his youth and transform him into the young Chinese girl on ABC's Modern Family.

Brother.

My next stop was the election. 17 billion people came out to vote and I received 198% of the electrical collage. I electrocuted everyone. Everyone was clapping and chanting my name. Even Saddam Hussein, brother, rose from the grave and applauded me. But I said, "No way, Saddam Hussein! " And dropped the big leg on him straight down to hell, brother. Side by side with the devil on my Harley Davidson, bra.

I decided that the presidency wasn't worth my time because I wanted to focus on my upcoming 2013-2015 TNA World Championship reign. So, after a hard fought game of Hogan Says, Bob Rock Obama won the presidency. But I told him that if he steps out of line, whatcha gonna do, brother? He kissed me on both cheeks and offered his wife - which I politely declined.

Thanks, Bob Rock.

But to show what a great sport I was, I still went to Mitch Romney's house for Thanksgiving. He served a turkey that I grew myself in the garden. His name was Brutus and he wore Capri pants.

They both wanted me.

But the biggest story of the year was the big apocalypse. Maya Rudolph said that the Earth was going to be hit by a rogue planet on December 21st, 2012. So the Hulkster, brother, called ol' Saint Nick and said, "Santa, brother, you need to load this sleigh up and send it to the stars, brother. The Hulkster will ride that bitch like Black Beauty (the prostitute, not the horse)." So he did.

And I did.

Day Saved,Brother.

And that's how I saved the Earth in 2012. I remember things this way. You should too. Have a great new year and remember - Train, say your prayers, take your vitamins, and don't question my f**king stories.

Brother.




blog comments powered by Disqus

JG col

JG's 10/19/15 Raw Insanity: Hell of a Sell
JG's 10/5/15 Raw Insanity: Flashing The Brock Signal
JG's Insanity: The 12th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE
JG's Ten Crazier Fanbases Than Wrestling's
JG's Ten Copycat Wrestling Characters (and The Gimmicks They Copied)
JG's Raw 1000 Insanity: The Rocky Road To Royal Rumble

TGIF: Brands Split, So Does Cody Rhodes, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 11: Reunion (Part 1)
Game Day - Fruit Ninja Movie, Batman Returns To Arkham, And More
Remembering The King of Harts - 17 Years Later
The ROHbot Report: War of the Worlds, Best in the World Main Event, More
TGIF: The Wyatt Family Invades Fallout 4, Popping TNA, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 10: Five Dollar Farewell
The Question: What's Your Favorite Song Parody?
Game Day - Madden 17 Cover Athlete, Modern Warfare Trilogy, And More
The ROHbot Report: Global Wars, War of the Worlds, and More
TGIF: Going Back To Brooklyn, Wilted Rose, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 9: Bids, Breakthroughs & Barbecues
The Question: What TV Show Did You Give Up On?
Game Day - Battlefield 1 Announced, Nascar Comes To Forza, And More
The ROHbot Report: Global Wars, Rhode Island Results, and More
TGIF: Badaboom Hospital Room, Punk's Twitter Cleaning, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 8: OG Overthrow
The Question: If You Could Ask Any Person Any Question, What Would It Be?
Game Day - Infinite Warfare Announced, Modern Warfare Remastered, And More
The ROHbot Report: San Antonio Results, Rhode Island Return Preview, and More
TGIF: Grounded With Flair, TNA Loses Graphics, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 7: Birthday Blowout
The Question: What TV Character's Death Shocked You The Most?
Game Day - Borderlands 3 Confirmed, Xbox 360 Discontinued, And More
The ROHbot Report: San Antonio Return, Global Wars Main Event, and More
TGIF: Joe Finished Balor, TNA Going Blu, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 15 - Episode 6: Recipe for Disaster
The Question: What's Your Favorite Cartoon?
Game Time: Gears Of War 4 Beta - 3 Full Matches
Game Day - Arkham HD Collection, Ghostbusters Release Date, And More

-

JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
Apr 30, 2014
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
Oct 8, 2013
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
Sep 10, 2013
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
Jul 29, 2013
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
May 15, 2013
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
May 2, 2013
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
Apr 23, 2013
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
Apr 18, 2013
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
Mar 13, 2013
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
Feb 20, 2013
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
Feb 13, 2013
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
Feb 4, 2013
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
Jan 30, 2013
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
Jan 15, 2013
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
Dec 31, 2012
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
Dec 20, 2012
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
Dec 13, 2012
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
Dec 4, 2012
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
Dec 3, 2012
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
Nov 26, 2012

Even More From This Category >>

ClubWWI.com Contact Us Forums
All content contained here Copyright - We Want Insanity Dot Com