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JG's Ten Brief WWF Characters Most Fans Have No Memory Of

By James Guttman Jul 18, 2012 - 11:00 AM print


Some WWF gimmicks were brief, but memorable. Mantaur, Nailz, Ludvig Borga, The Goon…you remember those guys. And if you remember them, they don't count here. This list is about short term WWF stars and character that most of us have never thought twice about. Here one day, gone the next, and ignored for eternity. They're Ten WWF Gimmicks That Most Fans Have No Memory Of and they're ready for some rememberin'…


Muffy Mower
(2000)

If Simon Dean were a hot girl...

They say you should write about what you know and the McMahons have a thing about fitness gurus. Whether it was the evil Bodydonnas or Simon Dean, the exercise proponent has been a long running gag in World Wrestling Entertainment. So it only made sense that daughter Stephanie got into the act in 2000 by introducing the world to "Muffy Mower", her personal trainer.

One stop on Smackdown.

One stop on Heat.

End of story. She was shelved and never mentioned again. Although I never confirmed it, I always expected that the gimmick ended after a phone call that included the phrase, "But Daddy! It's like you're saying I'm fat!"

And he was.


Hade Vansen
(2008)

Rest In Peace

Hey who's Hade Vansen?

No. You're thinking of Stan Hansen.

Nope. Not that guy either. You're thinking of Swede Hanson. That one's old school. He died in 2002. I'm surprised you remembered him. Good job. Go have a fruit snack.

Nope. Hade Vansen - with a V -  was another Smackdown temp. His goal? To air his grievances in a pre-taped vignette, get a chance to fight the Undertaker, and defeat him.

As they say, one out of three ain't good:

This thing aired once. Nothing else came of it. Most people thought they imagined this video.  I'm sure Hade does too.


Lance Cassidy
(1992)

Not Leif

Before Mickie James, Double J, and The West Texas Rednecks, there was Lance Cassidy - the WWF's Singing Cowboy. Sadly, he never had a chance to sing because he lasted five seconds.

Yes, I know that WWF eventually introduced a Leif Cassidy.  This wasn't him. This was a guy who appeared twice on TV and managed to be made into a jackass during one of them:

Doof!

I guess it was the company's way of saying, "We know you don't know much about this guy.  So look. He's a doof. That's something."

The gimmick, played by Steve Armstrong, was so brief that most people had no recollection of it. The saddest part of it all? WCW never had a chance to let one of Steve's brothers play a parody of it.


Barbara Bush
(1999-2000)

Wikipedia says she's 80.

Barbara Bush was married to President George Herbert Walker Bush. She's also the mother to George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States.

She also worked at Hooters for seven years according to Wikipedia.

Then I realize that I'm on a different Barbara Bush page and I really need to start doing all my research in one sitting.

Her name is Cathy Dingman and her wrestling name ensures her an indirect link from the real Barbara Bush's Wikipedia for life. She also worked briefly in WCW under the name "Papaya". So she also gets the same honor on the Wikipedia page for papaya - the fruit.

She did more than you'd think too. Half Volunteer EMT/Half Giant Breasted Glamour Shot, B.B., as she was called by friends and fans, stripped like crazy. Her most famous stripping came at the hands of Ivory, as Miss Kitty watched.

This happened on pay-per-view. Armageddon, to be exact. Yet, most fans don't know who Barbara Bush is at all. I mean the wrestler, not the former first lady. Although, I'm sure many don't know who the former first lady is either. But that's just a sad commentary on our education system.


The Samoan Gangster Party
(1995)

Evil Fans

Before his arse became his gimmick, Rikishi Fatu was simply "Fatu". He was a walking version of Spike Lee's "Do The Right Thing" with a Samoan theme. In his brightly colored jacket, he vowed to "make a change".

As we know, he did - to the Sultan gimmick. But in the brief time during his change-making persona, Fatu became entangled in…well, not entangled. He was sort of stared at by two guys.

These two brought new meaning to the term "blink and you'd miss them" because you could literally blink and miss them. Granted, you'd have to be a really slow blinker, but it's feasible. Here, watch this bout between Pre-Kishi and the skinny kid in riding pants. Be sure not to blink.

The Samoan Gangster Party. That was their name. You never knew it though unless you watched ECW. Because that's the only place where they used a name. The duo consisted of Fatty's former Headshrinking partner Samu and his brother Lloyd. They never wrestled for WWF.

They never attacked Fatu either.

They just bought tickets and watched the show from their seats. That's it. Of course, Vince McMahon knew you'd all hate them because people who buy tickets are naturally the heels in Vince McMahon's world.


Super Ninja
(1988)

Hiding in Plain Sight

As a kid, I was under the impression that in order to be called "Super", you had to be - I don't know - super. You had to fly or have x-ray vision. If supernatural "super" wasn't available, you had to at least be super strong. Without that, you're not super and thus can't be named such.

But then The Super Ninja showed up and blew all that away.

Super Ninja lasted for one match. One. It was a biggie, though.  He did it on Saturday Night's Main Event against the first Ultimate Warrior.

And he lost.

The character was played by Rip Oliver. Those who remember Rip know he was an accomplished star in the Pacific Northwest. Those who don't remember Rip are picturing Hulk Hogan in No Holds Barred mixed with Oliver Humperdink. Either way, that's who it was.

It didn't matter, though. Despite his brief spot against a big name star like Ultimate Warrior on NBC, the Super Ninja never returned for another night.

Then again, we'd never know. He's a ninja afterall…and a super one, at that. He might be hiding in the arena every Monday for Raw and we'd have no idea.

 


Key
(1999)

Eliminates Grime

James, I heard of him, but Key didn't air on TV. He's a myth. A spook story that criminals tell their kids at night. " Rat on your pop , and Keyser Soze will get you."

Or Key. You know what I mean.

The fabled Cocaine dealer character to Darren Drozdov, Key was played by Vic Grimes . The name was homage to the slang term used for a kilogram of drugs. And he most definitely did air on TV:

A cross between a bag of Coke and Santa Claus, Key's run in the WWF was less of a line and more of a bump. A Godfather injury locked Key out and sent him on to make history by nearly dying in front of people a lot.


Al Perez
(1989)

Like Skinner, But Not

I know what you're thinking. You know Al Perez. He was a big deal in Texas but didn't do much of anything in WWF, right?

Wrong.

Al beat a number of guys in his short WWF stint (including both Young Stallions).  If that doesn't convince you, look at this. Job guys don't come this close in a match with Tito Santana.

I know what you're thinking again. James, this guy was a lowcard star. Why would I remember a lowcard guy?

You remember Skinner? He was in the same spot push-wise. You remember Skinner. Just not Al.

These bouts weren't limited to house shows either. They were shown on Prime Time Wrestling and on other regularly aired WWF programs. We watched it. Al did it. The end.

Al's stint in the World Wrestling Federation had no gimmicks, feuds, or reason. He was there, he did moderately well, and he left. If pro wrestling were more of a shoot, 90% of guys would be like Al Perez. You know, deep down, I like to think there's a little bit of Al Perez in all of us.

Ah.


Stephanie Wiand
(1995)

Does my smile scare you?

When WWE Mania began, it had two hosts. They gave away a house and then one left. No one missed her.

Stephanie Wiand didn't really seem to serve a purpose standing beside the ultra whacky elfin voice of WPLJ morning radio. She was the Dunkelman to his Seacrest - equally annoying but ultimately redundant. Eventually she was gone leaving us with nothing more than a vague memory of Todd Pettingil's little sister or something. Most people assumed she had just been a figment of our imagination... or Men on a Mission ate her.


Masked Demolition
(1991)

A scene from 8MM with Nic Cage

Wrap your head around this one.

Road Warriors were incredibly popular in the 1980s. In fact, they were so popular that WWF created their own facepainted duo in the same vein. They had spikes and power moves. They were Demolition.

So, years later, when WWF finally signs the Roadies (now officially named the Legion of Doom) and can put on the storied battle between facepainters, what do they do? They put Demolition in masks.

Right. Even weirder? If you look closely, they're wearing their facepaint under the masks. Don't think too hard about that one, your head'll hurt.

The mask gimmick was brief…as was the amount of time left in Demolition. It wasn't much longer before the team disbanded and went their separate ways. Smash became Repo Man. Crush became Hawaii Crush. And, of course, Ax went on to play the role of Piney on Sons of Anarchy.




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