We Want Insanity
My Son Lucas
Facebook
Twitter
ROH TV Episode 288: Dreams Come True
Worth Your Money? ROH "Reach For the Sky Leicester"
Kick-Ass 2: Movie vs. Comic
(24 Mins) Honor Nation: Ring of McMahon


Uncle Ralph's Soundtrack For a Drunken Angry Christmas

By Uncle Ralph Dec 6, 2012 - 10:55 AM print


4pm. No one is here yet. I haven't wrapped shit. I play this.

 

 

So I get high.

 

And drive out for some more liquor but, of course, it takes 3 hours because…

 

Everyone shows up at the house at 8pm. I hate them all.

 

My sister-in-law tells me I have a substance abuse problem. I tell her that there's no substance to me at all and I'm actually really shallow. I grab her ass to prove this point and then play this song.

She gets all mad and tells me I need to accept Jesus in my life. He's some dude named Jesus Gonzalez that she met at an AA meeting or something. Wants to show me the ways of sobriety. So I tell her what I want her to show me instead.

By now, I'm ripped out of my head, so I dip my face in red paint, hit the lights, and blast this one:

 

Everyone gets upset and my wife tells me to put on some Christmas music, so I put this one on:

 

Kids start crying. It's partially because of the song but mostly because I took my pants off and painted a red nose on my penis. It's my right. After all, it's my goddamn house. To remind everyone of why this is happening, I play this one:

 

Now, people go running out of the house. My wife tells me that she's disappointed in me and how she used to love me when we first met, but I'm not the same anymore. I slice my arm open with a butter knife, stare at her blankly, and play this.

 

And then, she, uh…left. She went to the store. Never came back. So, with that, I'm finally able to play some real Christmas music. Happy Holidays, dipsticks. Tell your mom to come over to my house to eat my candy cane and swallow my egg nog.

 

 



blog comments powered by Disqus

JG col

My Son Lucas
JG's Facebook Insanity: Let's Infuriate Your Friends
(33 Minutes) James Guttman's Free 2009 Interview With Mr. Fuji
JG's 10/19/15 Raw Insanity: Hell of a Sell
JG's 10/5/15 Raw Insanity: Flashing The Brock Signal
JG's Insanity: The 12th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE

Worth Your Money? ROH "Reach For the Sky Leicester"
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 6: Strike Up a Match
The ROHbot Report: Reach For the Sky Review, Vegas Tapings, and More
TGIF: Naked Paige, Broken Contracts, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 5: Blonde Sided
The ROHbot Report: 15th Anniversary Review, Vegas Tapings, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 4: Squad Goals
TGIF: Big Dog Meets Dead Man, Almost Russo, and More
The ROHbot Report: A Broken Ring of Honor, Honor Rising, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 3: 24 Hours in the BGC
TGIF: Cena's Reality Check, El Campeon, and More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest 2016: Night 2"
TGIF: Paging Punk, Deleted After May, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 2: See Ya Later, Instigator
The ROHbot Report: Pittsburgh Tapings, ROH Unauthorized, and More
TGIF: A Husky Champion, A Deleted Referee, and More
The Bad Girls Club Season 17 - Episode 1: Coastal Clash
The ROHbot Report: Honor Reigns Supreme, Sonjay Dutt Returns and More
TGIF: Smackdown's First Ever Orton-Cena, Jarrett's Back, and More
Walking Dead Mid-Season 7 Guide
The ROHbot Report: Undisputed Legacy Results, Kevin Kelly Quits, and More
TGIF: Banking on a Heel Turn, Down Goes Seth, and More
The ROHbot Report: Undisputed Legacy, 2300 Arena Exclusivity, and More
TGIF: Goldbrocktaker, Kenny Won't Rumble, and More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest 2016: Night 1"
The ROHbot Report: Bucks-Hardyz, Atlanta Results, The Experience and More
TGIF: The Hall of Fame Angle, Photographing Vipers, and More
The ROHbot Report: Atlanta Preview, Manhattan Mayhem VI, Texas Return, and More
TGIF: Cleaning The Royal Rumble, Barnett's Impact, and More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Glory By Honor XV: Night 2"


-

The Never-Seen-It Review: The Lord of the Rings
Aug 7, 2013
Uncle Ralph's TNA Slammiversary (and Parole Party) Report
Jun 3, 2013
Uncle Ralph's 2013 Hall of Fame TV Review
Apr 10, 2013
Uncle Ralph's Night Before Christmas
Dec 25, 2012
Go Kill Yourself, Elf On The Shelf!
Dec 10, 2012
Uncle Ralph's Soundtrack For a Drunken Angry Christmas
Dec 6, 2012
"Dear Mickey Nimage" Love, Uncle Ralph
Nov 29, 2012
Uncle Ralph's Main Event Real Time Report: The Greatest Day In The History Of The Internet
Oct 3, 2012
Uncle Ralph (Hearts) Impact: Avis and Eggs
Aug 17, 2012
Crazy Uncle Smackdown: Great Khali's Fine Head, Toilet Brush Face, and Randy Ortino
Feb 17, 2012
"I Watch Impact Drunk" - A Poem By Uncle Ralph
Jun 22, 2011
Uncle Ralph's Drunk Enough For Tough Enough: Episode Five
May 3, 2011
Crazy Uncle Ralph Previews...WrestleMania 27
Mar 29, 2011
Crazy Uncle Ralph Previews UFC 121: Barack vs. Kane Inside The Ominous Octagon Inferno Cage of Doom
Oct 19, 2010
Five Years of Insanity: Sandow, Rickard, and Uncle Ralph Volume 1
Oct 1, 2010
Uncle Ralph's NXT Report: Ahhhh. Lowki Senshi Kaval! KAVAL!
Jul 6, 2010
Uncle Ralph's NXT Report: Rookies, Old Wrestlers' Kids, and Low Ki Not Wearing His Pajamas
Jun 29, 2010
Crazy Uncle Ralph's WWE SuperStars SuperReview: Primo Ain't So Good, Neither is Matt Hardy or The Guy Who Lost To Luke Gallows
Mar 3, 2010
Crazy Uncle Ralph's WWE SuperStars SuperReview: A Week Late Because I Was In Jail
Feb 4, 2010
Uncle Ralph's ECW Report: Christian Defends The Title Against An Adorable Widdle Guy Named Yoshi
Oct 27, 2009

Even More From This Category >>
ClubWWI.com Contact Us Forums
All content contained here Copyright - We Want Insanity Dot Com