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RAW: The H-APP-ening Slammys

By Aaron Wood Dec 17, 2012 - 6:23 PM print

Well, welcome to the first night of the WWE Week, and the second night of my Week from hell, as I did the PPV last night, RAW tonight and then Smackdown tomorrow (Can't do Tribute to The Troops though!). At least tonight's RAW has an over-arching theme in the Slammy Awards, so MAYBE it won't be as exhausting by the 2:15 mark as it normally is, with the Slammys and the likely wacky cameos therein.  Also gonna be using the WWE App for the first time to vote.  Keep checking back for the latest updates!

We open with a video talking about the Slammy Awards over the last 25 years.  You announcers are your PPV team of Cole, JBL & Lawler.  And they are dressed like it's Wrestlemania.  Lawler even has a suit on.

First on the docket for talking about is how AJ screwed John Cena, but not in a sexy way, to give Dolph the win as well as The Shield's win.  But before we dish out a Slammy, we're having a match

Rey Mysterio vs. Damien Sandow
Sin Cara comes out with Rey and doesn't seem too buggered up after last night.  But it is a singles match.  Sandow is already in the ring.  Cole & Lawler give you a tech run-through on Apple & Android before the bell.  Sandow tosses Rey out early.  He brings him back in and hits the Cubito Aequet for a 2 count.  He drives shoulders into Rey's gut in the corner, but Mysterio blocks a superplex.  He knocks Sandow down and hits a Seated Senton, starting to build some momentum.  Sandow cuts that off with a leaping neckbreaker.  However, Rey sets up and hits the 619 rather quickly from there and hits the splash for the rather sudden win.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

It's time to announce the first Slammy Award.  Booker T comes out, and he is, naturally, doing the "Tell Me I Did Not Just See That?" award.  Again, we get a FAQ on the app.  The Nominees are:

Brad Maddox's Low Blow
Daniel Bryan losing in 18 seconds
Kofi Kingston's handstand to avoid elimination in the Royal Rumble
CM Punk takes out The Rock

THE BOOGEYMAN!  AND HE'S COMING TO GETCHA!!!  Booker is crapping himself (in a nod to continuity, I guess).  We go to break, and frankly, my App doesn't seem to be working.  I'm in the right section, but there's nothing on the screen...

Back from break, and Boogeyman seems to have disappeared.  Booker goes to announce the winner as Brad Maddox walks out, thinking he's winning.  However, he didn't, as Kofi's miracle hand walk won!

Kofi stares Brad to the back and gives a basic acceptance speech.  I didn't get to vote, although it hass just refreshed now, so we'll see for the next award.

Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres
Kaitlyn mauls Eve early and Torres powders out.  Kaitlyn stays on her, but gets caught with a dropkick to the leg coming back in.  She chokes Kaitlyn while sat on the top rope, but Kaitlyn fights back a second time and hits her gutbuster finisher on Eve for the win.

Winner: Kaitlyn

This crowd is every bit as dead as last night's was hit.  Kaitlyn makes her title intentions clear before mocking Ecve's post-match posing.

The next Slammy is for Comeback Of The Year.  Presenters?  Oh you didn't know?!?!?!  The NEW AGE OUTLAWS!  Billy wants to head to the ring, but Road Dogg points out they're for the stage.  They do their usual schtick.  The nominees are:

Brock Lesnar
Chris Jericho
DX at RAW 1000
Jerry Lawler (from the brink of death)

Lawler's gonna win, but I voted for LEsnar.  And I did get to vote this time!

Back from break, the winner is, of course, Jerry Lawler.  Cole & JBL golf-clap him.  He actually quickly jogs up to the stage before giving his speech.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai
Tensai is too powerful for Kofi early on, shoving Kofi off of him before mauling him, hitting headbutts in the corner and aVader Bomb.  However, when Tensai misses a charge, he turns round into the Trouble In Paradise for the win.  Lasted les than 2 minutes.

Winner:  Kofi Kingston

Kofi does some celebrating, but Wade yanks his leg out the corner before posting him and giving him the Bull Hammer.  The announcers once again do the App run-through.

The next Slammy is up and Vickie Guerrero is presenting.  She's presenting the Slammy for Kiss Of The Year.  The nominees are:

AJ & Daniel Bryan
AJ & Kane
AJ & CM Punk
AJ & John Cena

Just realsiing that AJ is a bit of a slut...

Vickie said that she wanted to state for the record she would never be nominated for the award as she wouldn't abuse her power to get with any of her charges.  And the winner is, you guessed it, AJ!  Specifically her make-out session with John Cena.  OH THE IRONY!

AJ comes out to take the award, but Vickie said that she needed to explain last night to everyone before she got the Slammy.  AJ giggled, yanked it form Vickie and said she didn't owe anyone anything.  She's spent the last year caring about what people thought.  But not any more.  Vickie calls her trash and that evertone knew it.  Even Dolph Ziggler.  Dolph came out and held AJ back.  She said that may have been kiss of the year, but it was nothing compared to...  AJ leapt on Dolph, and at first he was all "What the hell" but then leant into it.  They finished and Dolph was still a bit bemused.  But he headed backstage after her.

Great Khali & Natalya came out as the Indian is working after the break.

Great Khali vs. David Otunga
Otunga's in the ring as we come back.  Khali's music is still playing though.  Khali is all over Otunga with some LOUD slaps to the chest.  Khali misses a boot in the corner and he works over the leg.  Khali gets back up, blocks a charge, hits a big boot  and then hits the overhand chop for the win.

Winner: Great Khali

The Superstar Of The YEar Award is up next apparently.  The presenter...RIC FLAIR!!!  We only hear his voice to start as he cues the video.  The nominees are:

John Cena
Big Show
CM Punk

Seemed like they botched the production there and we weren't supposed to hear Flair on TV because we were told it'd be a surprise, put up the graphic and then just heard Ric's disembodied voice.  I bet that was meant to be for the live crowd only.  Ah, who cares.  Flair's back!

We come back and after ANOTHER tech run-through, it's time to see the man himself.  WOOOOOOOOO!  Flair said he loved Philly, thanking them for his pop.  He said he would say where he'd like to be right now, but he'd get in trouble.  I bet it involves whores.  And the winner is John Cena once again!

Philly isn't full of much brotherly love here.  He said that Superstar Of The Year embodies Hustle, Loyalty and Repsect, and the winner has to work harder than anyone else.  He recognised the loyalty of the WWE universe, so out of Respect, the Superstar Of The Year should be the greatest of all time.  He handed the Slammy off to Ric Flair, before leaving.

Cena left but CM Punk hobbled out.  He was calling BS, on multiple levels.  Flair hasn't been here in 2012 and Cena's had a shitty, shitty year!  He's lost a bunch of matches.  Cena's a loser like Philly and Flair.  Punk wanted to take the Slammy for himself.  Flair mocked Punk and noted Punk couldn't walk, never mind the baggage of Heyman.  Flair said he may not have been there, but he had been watching.  Punk said with one leg he could kick Flair's ass.  Punk then wanted to talk about "baggage".  Flair undercut him by mentioning his ex-wives.  Flair offered Punk out for a match!

Punk wants it as Flair struts in the ring and we hit the ads.

Back live, Punk was on the apron about to get into the ring, and indeed, he manages it.  Apparently Punk spent the whole ad break trying to climb the stairs.  The one aspect of the app yet to work for me by now.  Punk jabs Flair i the gut with a crutch and then BREAKS one over Flair's back!  Punk goes for it again, but Flair thumbs Punk in the eye, sending Punk out and allowing Ric to give Heyman the Figure Four.  Flair said he came to have a good time.  And he wanted to say that he loved Jerry Lawler.  They would never lose the pair of them.  He told Vince that if he was to die, he'd rather do it in the ring.  Or with a Philly chick.

Flair speaks about how he loves Philly when The Shield make their way down the stands.  Cliffhanger as he take a break.

Back form break and it was a mass brawl with Hell No & Flair fighting with The Shield.  Ambrose downs Flair in the ring, so goes to help his bretheren.  They focus on Kane.  How Rollins is compus Mentus, I don't know.  They plan on powerbombing Flair through the announce table.  But in the nick of time, Ryback makes his way out.  Ambrose is the first dumb ninja, followed by Reigns and Rollins.  Hell No come back too.  Ryback press slams Rollins on the table and it doesn't break...  They get rid of the Sheild as Ryback  and Hell No get a rub from Flair.  flair gos to leave, but Ryback ring generals him back in for a shoulder lift.

Backstage, Flair was thanking Hell No.  And we quickly just wentu p in a "YES!" "NO!" and "WOOOO!" competition.  And it ends on Faarooq coming in and giving it a Damn.

Brodus Clay vs. JTG
JTG, wearing Brooklyn Nets-like trunks (and probably still weeping inside after last night) actually gets some offence in on Clay. with the leaping neckbreaker for 2.  But Clay quickly makes a comeback and hits all his usual offence before quickly winning.

Winner: Brodus Clay

They dod the usual routine with the kids dancing.

Santino Marella & Tensai come out fto present the "LOL Of The Year" Award.  Tensai does a prat fall on the way out, while he's wearing a ice pack bandaged on his head.  Santino calls Tensai "Albert".  Twice.  Once accienetally.  once in mockery.

The Rock's Boston Tea Party of Cena merch
Hell No's Anger Management
Randy Orton using food as weaponry a few weeks ago.
Vickie Guerrero dancing

Reverend & The Makers are providing the music for these here, as it goes.  Which is totally awesome.  Shine A Light.  Check it out.

And the winner is, of course, The Rock.  Who, naturally, couldn't be arsed to show up.  So Santino is taking it.  Daniel Bryan comes out (To Sin Cara's music) and says it should be his (it should).  Kane comes out and carries him off.

There's a reaosn why they hit Sin Cara's music...

Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes
Both men were in the ring as we saw how Sin Cara might have a gammy leg this evening.  However, Sin Cara isn't doing too bad as he gets the upperhand before hitting a suicide dive.  However, back in, Cody takes control.  Rey gets a Sin Cara chant going during a rest hold.  Sin cara tries to come back, but Rhodes took to working the leg.  However, Cody posed for a bit, allowing Sin Cara to hit the head kick and springboard missile dropkick.  Headscissors by Sin Cara, but Sin Cara had a hweelbarrow countered with CrossRhodes for the win.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Cole notes that on Main Event this week, it's Rhodes Scholars vs. Hell No for the Tag Titles.  It was Cody vs. Kane last night...  Guess what was next...Cole & lawler telling us how to vote.

Hey, they're using Zack!  No e-mails for him tonight!  Ryder & Layla come out to present the Slammy Award for Trending Now Hashtag of the year.  The nominees are:


I mnean, seriously, who has EVER typed #LittleJimmy?  EVER?  The winner is #FeedMeMore  Ryder got jobbed again!  Ryder takes the award as Ryback is about to wrestle later.

Not next though as Big Show's music plays and he comes out with his SUPER CHAIR from last night.  Big Show wasn't surprised he was getting booed.  Hell, he wasn't surprised that he wasn't voted Superstar Of The YEar.  But he's not upset.  He's still got the title.  The crowd couldn't handle that he was the most dominant Superstar in the WWE.  Right before he bashed Sheamus with the "Big Show Chair"....  he never finishes his thought as he takes umbrage with the crowd's chanting of "Boring" before Sheamus made his way out.

Sheamus told Show to relax, he wasn't looking for a fight.  They beat the crap out of each other last night.  One of the most physical and painful matches of his career.  But last night Show was the better man.  Show torolled Sheamus with a "What?" Sheamus said he was there to be the bigger man and shake Show's hand.  Show, hiding behind his bit chair, shook his hand.  But then Show had to insult Sheamus.  So Sheamus tackled Show down.  He got the huge chair and wailed away on Big Show with it before delivering the Brogue Kick.

DOLPH ZIGGLER!!!!  Big Show is out cold!!!  Ziggler runs down and hands over the case.  However, John Cena is not far behind.  And he's tosses Ziggler HARD into the guardrail a couple of times.  No cash-in tonight.

3MB vs. Alberto Del Rio, The Miz & ???
We don't find out who the partner is before the break...

Dolph is storming around backstage and is looking for Vickie.  He wants to know what she was going to do about it.  But she wanted to know what the hell was going on at TLC and how it was kissing AJ.  He claimed ignorance to AJ's involvement.  Dolph said their relationship was over and her jealousy was getting tired, old and plain ugly.  Like Vickie.  She gave Ziggler his match.  In a way.  It would be Ziggler & AJ against Cena and vickie!

The Miz, in the ring, said they surprised everyone with the Brooklyn brawler.  And tonight their partner wasn't just awesome, but took to the EXTREME!  And it's...

3MB vs. Alberto Del Rio, The Miz & TOMMY DREAMER!!!
Dreamer is wearing a House Of Hardcore shirt as the ECW ring out.  Del Rio starts with Drew and they take turns on each other in the corner.  Dreamer tags in, and Slater wants him some.  Andhe gets some.  Some punches and a flapjack.  The match breaks down and they clear 3MB out the ring.  Del Rio hits a suicide Dive.  Miz with a baseball slide and Dreamer hits a splash off the top rope to the floor as he take an ad break.

Dreamer hits Mahal a back suplex as we come back, with tags to Miz & Slater.  He hits his corner clothesline, but Mahal is enough of a distraction to allow Slater to knock him off the apron, with Mahal getting a cheapshot in.  McIntyre tags in and works over Miz, but Miz scores a sunset flip for a 2 count.  Mahal hits a knee drop for a 2 count.  Miz comes back and hits the Reality Check, but Slater tags in and cuts him off.

Miz got close to Dreamer, but Slater backed him up.  Drew tagged in again and hit a couple of stomps before taking him into the 3MB corner.  Slater tagged in again.  Miz got a sunset flip for a 2 count.  Slater stayed in control and tagged in Mahal.  He stomped on Miz some before McIntyre came back in.  Drew dropped Miz face-first after doing a bit of a strut.  Slater tags in, but he loses control of things and Del Rio tags in.  After taking out Drew, he gets a 2 count on Slater before going for the Cross Armbreaker.  However, he sees that Dreamer is DESPERATE for the tag, and Alberto obliges.  Dreamer DDT spikes Slater into the mat for the win!

Winners:  The miz, Alberto Del Rio & Tommy Dreamer

they announce that on the Smackdown that airs on the USA NETWORK that's COMMERCIAL FREE tomorrow will be headlined by John Cena & Sheamus vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler.

Speaking of Sheamus, he comes out to present a Slammy.  He said he enjoyed giving Big Show those chair shots there.  He said three years ago he won Newcomer Of The Year and now he was a 3-time World Champion.  And he's not presenting the award.  Nominees are:

Antonio Cesaro
Brodus Clay
Damien Sandow

Results are, of course, after the break.

It's now after the break, so here are the results.  The winner is, of course, Ryback.  This time, Ryback comes out to get his award.  Ryback said that the late, great Owen Hart used to say "Enough is enough, it's time for a change".  And Ryback was that change.

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro came out and said that it was rigged.  He was the true newcomer of the year.  He was stronger and smarter than Ryback And he was a champion.  Cesaro took it to Ryback early, but Ryback hit the Thesz Press with the head rams.  Cesaro came back with an uppercut to the back of the head.  Ryback blocked a suplex and hit a delayed vertical.  Cesaro blocked a charge and man-handled Ryback up and down with a slam.  The Neutalizer was blocked and Ryback hit the spinebuster, but Cesaro rolled out before the Meat Hook.  Ryback bench pressed Cesaro back in the ring, but he was able to roll out the other side and take a walk for the count out.

Winner by Count Out:  Ryback

Mean Gene Okerlund, Ricky Steamboat and Jim Ross are out to present an award.  And it's the final award of the night for match Of The Year.  The nominees are:

Undertaker vs. HHH at Wrestlemania
Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Extreme Rules
Sheamus vs. big Show at Hell In A Cell
The Rock vs. John Cena at Wrestlemania

And you winner is...  Undertaker vs. HHH!

Hunter and his short hair comes out to the stage to accept the award.  He gets a big reception.  He says he won a Slammy in 1997 for best hair.  He goes to speak, but the crwod chants for Undertaker.  He eventually says every now and then, you get to take part in something that's magical.  And for him to be out there with the 2 guys he respects most in the business in Undertaker & Shawn was a magical night he wouldn't forget.  It was the end of an era.  A "Thank you Hunter" chant gets going, but HHH says it's "Thank you...".  He said he knew there was a million dollar question in the air.  But he was gonna answer it.  We've not seen the last of The Undertaker.

The announcers engage in small talk as we cut backstage to see The Sheild laying a beating on Tommy Dreamer.  Ricardo Rodriguez of all people tries to save, but he gets beaten too before the trio are persuaded to leave.

AJ comes to the ring and demands crew bring her a ladder into the ring and set it up.  She got a mic and climbed up it as we took a break.

We come back as AJ is still up top a big ladder.  Just full of surprises, isn't she?  All anyone has asked her is "Why?"  Why do it to everyone's favourite hero at TLC?  She stopped at a gas station and she was asked why.  A busboy asked her.  Even Divas were asking her why.  Although that might have been because she kissed Dolph.  Isn't it obvious?  She was about to reveal her reasons when Vickie interrupted.saying no-one cared why she did it.  Yeah, if that isn't a sign that they are in cahoots...

Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee vs. John Cena & Vickie Guerrero
Ziggler ducked a clothesline and did a Flair Strut.  Cena looked for a pin before going to a front facelock.  Ziggler coutnered with a hammerlock.  Cena back suplexes out and Ziggler tages in AJ, so Vickie has to tag in.  Well, Vickie doesn't tag in as much as just charges AJ and starts what Joey Styles would deem a "catfight".  AJ escapes and takes a walk.  Dolph attacks Cena.  vickie and Dolph have words before she leaves.  Cena tries an AA, but Ziggler turns it into a DDT for a 2 count.  Dolph with the elbow drops.  Seven of them in all.  Superkick was ducked and Cena took him down for the STF.  AJ comes back out with BIG E LANGSTON!!!  Big E hits the Big End for the DQ and AJ skips around the ring as Langston stands over Cena's dead body as the show ends.

So that is Seth Rollins, top NXT babyface & champion who is now a main roster heel.  At the last tapings, Langston, not the top NXT babyface won the title from Rollins and is now a main roster heel.  Plus, the teo guys featured in the Cena training video in hyping up the Rock match are now heels on the main roster, and both have attacked Cena.

Best 3-hour RAW since RAW 100 in terms of pacing if nothing else.  Didn't feel burned out here as I normally do.

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