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JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue

By James Guttman May 27, 2013 - 10:38 AM print


An Annual Insanity Tradition for Ten Years! 
Click the following links to check out the past BBQs:

 

Memorial Day 2004 *** *** Memorial Day 2005

== Memorial Day 2006 *** *** Memorial Day 2007 **

Memorial Day 2008 *** *** Memorial Day 2009

Memorial Day 2010 *** *** Memorial Day 2011

Memorial Day 2012


 

 

 


WWE Memorial Day BBQ 2013...McMahon Home...

Triple H: I think they should be green and black and say HHH on them in sparklies.

Vince McMahon: What are you talking about?

Hunter: The Triple H Friendship bracelets.

Vince: We're not making Triple H Friendship bracelets.

Hunter: Come on! For the kids while I'm out with my loopy head thing. We can start a friendship campaign where people write me Get Well cards. It'll be great.

Vince: No.

Hunter: But you let Hogan do it!

Vince: Is that why you brought Tugboat here?

Hunter: (shrugging) A little.

Tugboat: (from across the yard) TOOT TOOT!

Vince: (staring) Jeez. I can't believe we created such a terrible gimmick.

Brodus Clay, who is walking over with a plate in hand, overhears the last part of Vince's statement, starts to cry, and sadly walks away.

Hunter: Yo. Is that f**kingsaurus a real dinosaur? Like Denver?

Vince: Denver?

Hunter: The Last Dinosaur. He's my friend and a whole lot more.  Here. Listen. I can change the music on the stereo with my phone.

Hunter: Man. I wish Jesus and Santa didn't kill all the dinosaurs. I want to use one as a vacuum cleaner.

Vince: What the hell are you babbling about? You don't really have a concussion do you?

Hunter: Haha.  What? You're silly. Stephanie said concussions aren't real.

Vince: Uh, yes they are. We just donated all that money to concussion research.

Hunter: I thought that was fake and you were money laundering.

Vince: No. (whispering) You're thinking of Ico Pro, but that was real too.

Hunter: Oh man. You know what? It is my head. I don't have a condustion. I think it's sunburn. I never had short hair in the hot months. I feel like my head is going to explode.

Vince: OK, I don't think it's…

Hunter: AHHHHH! Now it's all I can think about. My head's on fire! Is it red? It feels red.


Antonio Cesaro: Is this where I can get some hamb…

Hunter: Yo, Argentino. Is my head red? Be honest.

Cesaro: (long pause) Is this a test?

Hunter: No! For reals serious! Is it red?

Antonio: Uh, bro, your head has been giant and red since I met you. You have the biggest and reddest head I've ever seen in my life. We call you Tomato H.

Hunter: (long glare)   F**k you, Argentino Cesarean Section.

Cesaro: I didn't mean….

Hunter: Be gone, boring. Just looking at you makes me sad.

Bruno Sammartino: (walking towards the BBQ) Wow! Cheeseburgers! Can you beleeeeve it? Wow! Hello, fellas. What a great event!

Vince: Thanks, Bruno. We're so glad you're here. Sorry we don't have any Italian food out here.  If you're in the mood,  I think there's some Italian dressing in the pool house.

Bruno: No thanks. I don't want any salad.

Vince: What? No, I meant Santino is in there putting on his bathing suit. Jump in, baby. You want a piece?

Bruno: A piece of what?

Vince: Nothing, nothing.

Bruno: Uh, ok. Look, I just want to tell you both how happy I am to be here today. I know for a long time I had a problem with the profanity you used. But you've cleaned things up and this looks like a wonderful family promotion.

Vince: We appreciate that. We've worked hard and it means a lot to know we've earned your respect. Now, what would you like? A f**king hamburger? You want a f**king hamburger on your d**k? Hah? Mother f**king hotdog? Some c*** juice from my d***, c***, and ballbags? Shove that sh*t in your mouth? Huh? Lick it like a dirty whore? (unzipping his pants, gyrating his hips and speaking in a high pitched voice)   Oh! Oh! Oh, Bruno! Do me! Do me! Wheeeeee!

Sammartino stares in stunned silence as the sexually suggestive dancing continues. After a minute of this, Vince hands Bruno $500 and he walks away.

Vince: (big smile) I can't thank you enough for making this happen.

Hunter: It's all good. Killer Kowalski made me promise to get revenge on him for their feud throughout the 60s and 70s. Figure paying him lots of money so you can sexually harass him is about right. Music was a nice touch, right?

As father and son-in-law laugh, The Shield walk over. Roman Reigns has ketchup stains on his vest.

Dean Ambrose: Mr. McMahon. Mr. Helmsley. The Shield is proud to be at this great party.

Hunter: (to Vince) We still calling them The Shield? When are we pulling the trigger on that whole name thing?

Vince: Soon.

Ambrose: Uh, what are you guys talking about?

Hunter: Your name. You're not "The Shield." That was just a temporary thing we came up with because we were watching "The Shield" on TV when we thought of it. If we had thought of it an hour earlier, you'd have been called "Cougar Town".

Seth Rollins: Seriously?

Hunter: (glaring)  I don't joke about Cougar Town.

Vince: He doesn't.

Hunter: So, yeah. We figure in about two, maybe three, weeks, we'll finally just start calling you "The Little Bossmen".

Rollins: Seriously?

Hunter: Bro, are you gonna keep asking that? You're obviously new. Yes. Seriously. You're all dressed like the Big Bossman. Have you missed that?

Roman Reigns: We thought they were utility vests or armor because we were shielded or something.

Hunter: Ha ha. No, Luther. Why do you need shielded vests? Who's shooting at you? Nailz? Haha.


Vince: Don't say Nailz.

Hunter: Sorry.  Not Nailz. But yeah. That's stupid. You're Little Bossmen. Hold on. Here. Listen to this.

Hunter: Diiiiiiiiid you ever take a trip down to Cobb salad, Georgia? You better read the signs. Respect the loyal order or you'll serve hard time! Neer,neer, neer…You'll be serve hard tiiiiiimes. You know the Little Boss-men will make you walk the line. You better watch yourself or you'll be serving hard time…

Ambrose: I can't believe you're really going to…

Hunter: (interrupting) Ha. That's your new theme song, by the way.

Ambrose: Yeah, I, uh, figured that.

Vince: Let us know if you're unhappy with that. We care a lot about the opinions of our young faction members, especially the title holders. Just ask Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater…

Rollins:   OK.

Vince: Kenny Dykstra, Ted DiBiase Jr…

Rollins: OK. We get the…

Vince: The Basham Brothers, David Otunga…

Vince continues to list names as the Little Bossmen walk off sadly.

Hunter:   OK. They're gone.

Vince: Yeah. That's my jam. What do you say we call it a day?

Hunter: Sure. I'll back the car into the backyard tent and close the exits. That should smoke 'em all out.

Vince: Good deal. Don't forget your gas mask like you did when we practiced it.

Hunter: THAT'S WHY MY HEAD HURTS!

Vince: Ha. What a maneuver. OK. Off you go. Don't worry about me. I'll be safe in the pool house rubbing myself with the Italian dressing.



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