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JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue

By James Guttman May 26, 2014 - 9:47 AM print


An Annual Insanity Tradition for Eleven Years! 
Click the following links to check out the past JG Insanity BBQs:


Memorial Day 2004

Memorial Day 2005

Memorial Day 2006 

Memorial Day 2007

Memorial Day 2008

Memorial Day 2009

Memorial Day 2010


 


WWE Memorial Day BBQ 2014...McMahon Home...

Triple H: Investors, molesters. Who gives a damn? I can beat up stupid Don Jones.

Vince McMahon: Dow Jones. It's called the Dow Jones and no, you can't fight it.

Hunter: Exactly. Because he's a bitch.

Vince:  You don't get this whole stock market thing, do you?

Hunter: Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway. You're still a thousandaire.

Long pause. Vince glares at Hunter, who puts his hands around his own face like flower petals and smiles huge from the center.

Vince: (changing the subject) Is Sting here yet?

Hunter: Definitely. He's right over there.

Vince: OK good.

Hunter: (squinting) Oh wait. No he's not. That's a frisbee.

Vince: (annoyed) This has been going on for years.

The Wyatt Family walks over. Bray is holding one of Vince's citronella candles to keep bugs away.

Bray Wyatt: (blowing out candle) Vince McMahon's backyard...we're here.

Vince: Ha ha. Good to see you...

Bray: (interuppting) Mr. Mac-Man. Oh, ho, Mr. Mac-Man. Ha ha. You look at me - YOU LOOK AT ME - and you see a man. I look and I see, ah ha ha, a fear. A fear that my mama used to coddle and nurture and give to the great beyond above. Because in the heart of every man, there is a being that...

Vince: Stop. Just stop. Save it for when we need to kill five minutes on TV.

Hunter: Yeah. Just go and swallow the mustards.

Bray: Uh, I think you mean "follow the buzzards".

Hunter: (sarcastically) Uh, n ooooo. I meant "swallow the mustards".  They're lined up over there. Down 'em.

Bray: Down 'em?

Hunter:  Yeah. Like our stock.

Vince:  Stop saying that!

Hunter: I thought it's good when the stocks go down - like when girls do it.

Vince: It's not the same thing! What the...? Ugh! (to Bray) Sorry, he's weird. But seriously, kid. Go drink the mustards or else we're going to turn your brother into "Hobo Dallas - The Man on Cialis". We've already made the action figure molds.

The Wyatts walk away. There is audible sobbing.


Hunter: (whispering) Yo. I wanna bang that sheep.

Vince: Pretty sure that's a dude.

Hunter: Nah. Sheep are marsupials, I think. Let me ask Evolution. (calling off)  Yo! Bobby! Kenny! Get over here!

Evolution walks over.

Randy Orton: Stop calling us that.

Hunter: Ha ha. You love it. Hey. Quick question. Could I bang a marsupial?

Batista: What?

Randy: Like for money?

Hunter:  No, like sheepishly.

Vince: What the hell are you talking about?! This is ridiculous. Ignore him. You guys having a good time?

Batista: No. The car valet booed me.

Vince: That's because we didn't pay him. We booked the party three months ago and offered him about $5000 for the day. Fast forward to today - and I gave him $7 and a bite of my Polly-O String Cheese.

Hunter: Don't worry about it. You're still a thousand.... (checking his phone) Hundredaire.

Before Vince can respond, The Exotic Express pulls up and Adam Rose, being carried by a crowd of party-goers emerges.


As they cross past the barbecue, Vince points one finger to the other side of the yard. The party continues carrying Rose, who is now screaming for help, and dumps him in the pool. Kane, who is in the pool, proceeds to hold him underwater for four minutes.

Vince: Ah. OK. So that's done.


Randy: You want us to go fish his body out and feed it to the dogs?

Vince: (beaming) I'm so proud of how well you've learned to fit in around here.  Go to it.

Hunter:  Oh hey.  Sting is here.

Vince: Really?

Hunter:  No. I was looking at that frisbee again.

Vince:  Stop doing that.

Alexander Rusev: (walking over) Hello, guys. I just wanted to thank you for...

Hunter: AH! GET OUT OF HERE, YOU GREASY F**K! GO! GO! GO!

Rusev, confused, quickly scrambles away.

Vince:  What was that about?

Hunter:  I don't know. I do that for fun. Like you used to do to The Killer Bees.

Vince: Ha. I made them cry once.

Hunter: Hey. Were they really bees or just pretend?

Out of nowhere, from the treehouse above, repels the man called Sting! Smoke! Music! Pyro! The works.

Sting:  Hey everyone!  Wooooo!  It's showtime, folks! The...Stinger...is... here!

Silence. Blank stares.

Vince: No thanks. I'm over it.

Sting:  Really?

Vince: Sorry, Crowdust. It's all very 2008. The moment's passed.

HunterYeah.  Beat it.  The, uh, (winking) dollaraire has spoken.

Vince:  God, I hate you. This party's over. Turn the sprinklers on.

Hunter: Good.  I'm gonna go sheer me a sheep, if you get my meaning.

Vince:  I'm afraid I do, Hunter. (hanging his head) I'm afraid I do.

 


 



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