We Want Insanity
My Son Lucas
Facebook
Twitter
JG's 7/14/03 Raw Insanity: Kane Isn't Burned, But J.R. Is
TGIF: Japanese Garden Party of Honor, Rib JR's Rib, and More
The ROHbot Report: Nashville Return, Top Contenders 6-Man Gauntlet, And More
(32 Mins) Honor Nation: Forgiving Hogan


August 18 WWE "Saturday Night's Main Event": Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of the NBC Show

By Mallory Mahling Aug 19, 2007 - 1:32 AM print


Welcome to WWI's real-time coverage of "Saturday Night's Main Event." You may need to hit "refresh" from time to time for the latest update. Tonight's show was taped last Monday night at Madison Square Garden.

The show opened in Mister McMahon's office, where Jonathan Coachman was reporting to the McBoss on his search for Vince McMahon's illegitimate child. McMahon said he recalled a black female truck driver back in the '70's in Kansas City. Coach said he was adopted. In Kansas. In the '70's. "God, it's going to be a long night," said McMahon with the beginnings of an Excedrin headache.

(Since the show started with no explanation, people expecting SNL were probably a bit puzzled.)

Michael Cole, JBL and Jim Ross welcomed viewers to the show. Jerry "The King" Lawler was apparently still selling getting crowned by King Booker.

The first match was up right away.

(1) Batista & Kane vs. Great Khali & Finley. Kane's ribs were taped up as the result of a past encounter with Khali. Kane and Finley started, and what Finley lacked in stature in this Match of the Giants, he made up for with intensity.

(Commercial break)

Returning from the break, Kane was feeling the wrath of Khali. Back and forth it went, then Hornswaggle interfered and was used as a battering ram on Khali. Spear to Finley by Batista, followed by the winning pin.

Backstage, Coach promised to reveal the name of the child tonight. McMahon looked in the mirror and saw his younger self looking back at him. It seemed to freak him out. Ron Simmons walked by and looked in the same mirror. He saw only his current self, then said, what else, "DAMN."

MVP was in the locker room schmoozing with Evander Holyfield, who would be taking his place in the ring tonight due to MVP's unfortunate illness.

In the center of the ring, Coach was listing McMahon's indiscretions. (Just get to the point, don't tell us how virile and needy McMahon is on the road.)

Coach finally got down to the Baby Daddy portion of the show, but if he wanted to do this right, he'd call in Maury Povich for DNA tests. Anyway, Coach's first guess was Eugene, who may have been the result of a "visit" to Kentucky. No way, said McMahon emphatically.

Then there was the WrestleMania 2 after-party. Could Melina be his daughter? Nope, he'd slept with Melina. Melina said that if she were his daughter, she'd take him for every dime he had.

Coach said there was one more possibility, but he was reluctant to bring out the next likely candidate. The glass shattered and McMahon's eyes got as big as saucers when he realized he was about to be face-to-fact with Stone Cold Steve Austin. The crowd went nuts!

Austin said he never figured he might have a jackass as a father. What? Good old pops. What? The result of McMahon's overactive grapefruits?

McMahon said there was no chance in hell Austin was his son.

Austin said that was too bad--they'd never got to play catch, go to a football game, etc. And they'd never got to discuss the birds and bees, and McMahon seemed to know so much about that, he added.

Austin threatened to stun him. But then thought he'd help him with his overactive grapefruits with a few mules kicks instead. Then Austin looked at Coach and gave him a stunner. Stone Cold saluted the crowd with a beer or six and they lapped it up.

McMahon got to his feet, still clutching his grapefruits. Austin offered him a beer, then promptly stunned him.

(Commercial break)

In the dressing room, Holyfield was warming up for his match with Matt Hardy.

(2) John Cena vs. Carlito. Cena took Carlito down right away. Carlito left the ring and got a folding chair, which the referee took away.

(Commercial break)

Cena just about took Carlito's head off with a leg drop from the top rope, then Carlito tapped out to Cena's submission hold.

Randy Orton does what he usually does--attacks from behind. He RKO'd Cena on a folding chair. Orton was remorseless, and a little kid in the audience looked terribly sad. A swarm of referees tried to get Orton to stop his senseless attack.

(Commercial break)

Backstage, Orton told Todd Grisham that what he'd done to Cena was to send a message.

Diva ring girls were ready for the Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield match.

(3) Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield. Hardy came out with his two corner men. MVP came out next with a whole parade. Holyfield came out last with his two corner men, and Hardy looked a little worried. When next we saw him, Hardy was wearing boxing headgear.

Michael Buffer was in the ring to do his whole "Let's get ready to rummmmmmble" bit. Buffer introduced MVP, then Hardy, then Holyfield. In addition to introducing Holyfield, Buffer also put over his upcoming fight in Russia, which was probably the point of this whole "match."

The referee gave the instructions and told them to have a good, clean fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah--get on with it.

Round one saw Holyfield throwing a lot of light punches at Hardy, who sold them well. Hardy ended the round looking the worse for wear.

Round two was "announced" by four all four rings girls prancing around inside of the ring. With the rings girls and the corner men and goodness knows who else in the ring, it was a little crowded.

As the bell rang for round two, Hardy was on wobbly legs. Holyfield turned to walk away, but MVP grabbed him. Holyfield knocked out MVP and hugged Hardy. Awww, a Hallmark moment.

(Commercial break)

Tazz joined the announcers for the next match.

This next match could only be called the Beauty and the Beast Match, considering it pairs of two of WWE's hottest wrestlers with two of its most repulsive.

(4) Boogeyman & CM Punk vs. John Morrison & Big Daddy V (w/Matt Striker). I suppose this could have been worse--they could have included Snitsky in it, too.

Lots of chants for CM Punk.

(Commercial break)

Big Daddy V and his enormous boobs slammed Boogeyman, then it was Punk's turn to roll up Morrison for the win.

The show ended with a recap of the night's festivities.

* * *

This was not the best foot WWE could have put forward to main stream viewers. WWE should realize that not everyone is familiar with their particular brand of sports entertainment; therefore, by jumping right into the show, it was a bit like jumping into the middle of an ongoing conversation about baby daddies. If I were Jane Q. Public, I'd don't think I'd have cared to hear any more of it.

 

 



blog comments powered by Disqus

JG col

My Son Lucas
JG's Facebook Insanity: Let's Infuriate Your Friends
(33 Minutes) James Guttman's Free 2009 Interview With Mr. Fuji
JG's 10/19/15 Raw Insanity: Hell of a Sell
JG's 10/5/15 Raw Insanity: Flashing The Brock Signal
JG's Insanity: The 12th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE

The ROHbot Report: Nashville Return, Top Contenders 6-Man Gauntlet, And More
The Challenge: Final Reckoning - Episode 1
TGIF: Japanese Garden Party of Honor, Rib JR's Rib, and More
The ROHbot Report: Bully-Burger Steal the Show, NWA Title in ROH, And More
Anime Verdict: Street Fighter 2 The Animated Movie
TGIF: Hug Therapy, Down Goes Dalton, and More
The ROHbot Report: Best in the World Review, Fairfax TV Tapings, And More
TGIF: Dog Bites Artist, All Them, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Finale & Reunion
The ROHbot Report: Best in the World '18, TV Classic Main Event, And More
TGIF: Cass'd Away, DIY Does It Again, and More
The ROHbot Report: State of the Art Reviews, ROH International Cup, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 9
TGIF: The Greatest Professional Wrestling Match Of All Time
The ROHbot Report: San Antonio/Dallas Previews, Bullies Dominate, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 8
TGIF: CM Punk Gets One More WWE Victory, Constable Corbin, and More
The ROHbot Report: Austin Aries Goes For The Gold, NY TV Results, And More
Solo: A Star Wars Story Review
TGIF: You Can't Teach Rap, NBC's World Wrestling Embarrassed, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 7
The ROHbot Report: UK Tour Reviews, TV Recap, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars - Episode 6
TGIF:The Lashley Girls Kill RAW, Merging Impact, and More
The ROHbot Report: Honor United Previews, ROH TV Episode 348, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 5
TGIF: Nia Gets Rowdy, All In All Sold Out, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 4
The ROHbot Report: War of the Worlds Reviews, Chicago TV Taping Preview, And More
TGIF: Pop Goes The Charlotte, Johnny Survivor, and More


-

(Video) WWE Main Event Beard & Glasses Review: November 28, 2012
Dec 1, 2012
(Video) Watching "WWE Main Event" With Nick Perkins
Nov 17, 2012
The Main Event: Feed Him Ziggler
Oct 25, 2012
Canadian Bulldog's Saturday Night's Main Event Report: John Cena, The Great Khali and... um, Jenny McCarthy
Aug 2, 2008
August 18 WWE "Saturday Night's Main Event": Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of the NBC Show
Aug 19, 2007
Aaron's UnReal Time Saturday Night's Main Event Review - Thorn, Umaga & Viscera vs. Kane, Supergene (?) & DOINK(?!?!?)
Jun 2, 2007
7/15 WWE: Mallory's Ongoing Coverage of "Saturday Night's Main Event"
Jul 15, 2006
7/15 WWE: Preview of "Saturday Night's Main Event"; Live Coverage Tonight
Jul 15, 2006
3/18 WWE - Saturday Night's Main Event: Mallory's Real Time Coverage
Mar 18, 2006
3/18 WWE - Saturday Night's Main Event Preview; real time coverage right here tonight
Mar 18, 2006
System Administrator
Jul 6, 2016

Even More From This Category >>
ClubWWI.com Contact Us Forums
All content contained here Copyright - We Want Insanity Dot Com