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Smackdown:Thursday Night RAW

By Aaron Wood Jan 31, 2015 - 6:10 AM print

Just as I thought I was out, they pulled me back in... Once again, I'm reviewing Smackdown on a Friday night. That said, the reason for this is snow, and frankly, snow can go and eat a bag of dicks. Not just because it enforced a live Smackdown here, but the East Coast snow also peeled off across the Atlantic meaning Wednesday night was a VERY difficult ride home from work for me and a shovelling operation the following morning.

So like I say. Bag of dicks.

HHH opened the show and jokingly welcomed everyone to RAW before throwing shade at those who said they couldn't have RAW because of the snow when they had it from their HQ instead and those people who said they could hit a million subs on the Network. He then talked the controversy coming out of last night, bringing up #Ballghazi (shout out Olbermann!), making balls jokes. But the WWE has never had a problem with balls. But unlike Roger Goddell, HHH takes action, so he was calling out Sting at Fast Lane.

But onto the Rumble. He put over the Triple Threat huge, but when talked about the Rumble match itself and the seemingly unpopular guy who won it. It got a bunch of media attention. After a recap of the finish, HHH said that on RAW, he would make a huge announcement that would end the controversy.

Man, Ben Roethlisberger has gotten REAL fat in the offseason...

This drew out Roman Reigns. He said he didn't see a controversy. He won the Rumble and was going to Mania. HHH kinda blew him off and said he won that match and would see if he could win this one. This one being a match against Big Show. They acknowledged the mixed reaction Reigns got on coming out and while speaking early on while Roman tried to use power against Big Show. That went as well as you could expect.

Reigns came back and clipped a leg and laid in some shots before clotheslining Show out of the ring to eliminate him the Royal Rumble as we took a break. We came back and Show was in control, and he was working over Roman's leg. As Show used his wacky inverted single-leg crab, Reigns climbed up the ropes and headscissored Show out. Roman limped around and hit his apron dropkick.

Worst. 69. Ever.

Back in the ring, Reigns got Show off his feet (eventually) and hit a Samoan Drop. Show rolled out and Roman hit a clothesline off the apron. Back in, Reigns had a Superman Punch blocked and was hit with a chokeslam for a 2 count. For some reason, Big Show headed up to the top rope, but he took so long Reigns hit 2 Superman Punches before press slamming him down and hitting a spear for the win.

The main event, as announced on the in-studio RAW, was Kane vs. Daniel Bryan in a casket match. Kane got to cut a promo before the match as he stroked the casket of choice. He promised to put Bryan in a world of pain, put him in the casket and close the latch. All bryan would see is beautiful darkness and only feel the life squeezing out of him and hear his heart trying to beat out of his chest. May God have mercy on Bryan's soul, because Kane wouldn't.

"God damn it... I'm a star of this show. Why am I lugging the props around?!?!"

Kane got the first attempt to stuff the casket, but Bryan avoided it and came back with kicks to the leg before trying to get Kane in himself, although, obviously, no dice. This continued on even after an ad break. After Kane narrowly avoided getting into the casket, Bryan hit a high crossbody off the top to the floor. Bryan then jumped off the apron, but was caught and posted. Bryan had to fight his way out of the casket, which he did, but was given an uppercut as he jumped down off the apron again.

After a second break, things headed outside as Bryan made a comeback, with him hitting the running dropkick. However, as he looked for a second one, Kane dumped him into the timekeepers area. the tour around ringside continued as Kane tossed Bryan over the timekeepers table before grabbing a chair and hitting Bryan in the back with it. He took Bryan over to the casket, but rather than put him in it, he whipped Bryan into the open lid.

Kane tried to tombstone Bryan into the casket, but Bryan avoided it and made a comeback. However, rather than dropkick him into the casket, Kane blocked one and hit a chokeslam. Kane got Bryan in the casket, but then he also got a kick int he head. Bryan trapped the arm for the Yes Lock, dragging Kane into the casket. Kane blocked the lid from closing, and they got back in the ring. Bryan avoided a chokeslam and hit a kick to the head and then the running knee to get Kane in the casket, before shutting it for the win. The show ended with Bryan leading a "Yes" chant while standing on the casket.

Now, given that this show had to cover a lot of the ground that RAW would have done, the show was as much talking as it was wrestling. Seth Rollins came out to brag about his performance on Sunday. He was a second away from winning and he broke one of Lesnar's rubs. Cena and Undertaker can't say they did that. And hey, he still had the MITB case to cash in.

I'm note sure Jesus Christ had a blonde streak in his hair...

So yeah, Rollins was in a good mood, so he was gonna issue an open challenge. Who wants some? Ryback made his way out, but with Mercury & Noble there, the numbers caught up with The Big Guy quick. Rowan came out to make the save, and while he bulldozed Jamie & Joey, Rollins hit a kick to the head when he got on the apron. He went back to putting the boots to Ryback when Ziggler sprinted out. Rollins & Dolph went out where Seth pushed Ziggler into the announce desk. Ryback got him up for the Shellshock, but J & J saved him. It then looked like Mercury & Noble would take a beating, as Rowan grabbed them while the heels tried to escape, but Rollins hit a knee to the back of Erick, so they managed to flee. I smell a six-man at the PPV...

Later, we joined a very annoyed Rusev in the ring with Lana. He complained that he should be the one facing Lesnar. Lana ranted in Russian before Rusev said he was the only undefeated superstar and the US Champion, but he's stuck with facing Cena, a man from the past and who has no titles. John Cena had no hunger or desire and wasn't the guy Rusev is. He was a loser.

Into the mic, big fella...

This drew Cena out to the ring, and said that Rusev needed to be taught some respect,. While Rusev had crushed everyone in his path, he had made a huge mistake in calling Cena a loser. He was a 15-time champion and was a US Champion before Rusev had pubes and Lana had boobs. Cena challenged him to a fight there and then, but Lana told her man not to waste his time. So waiting for Fast Lane it is.

As for other matches on the show, they both revolved around the tag team division. One match signalled what was coming at Fast Lane. The other could possibly signal what's coming at Wrestlemania. With Fast Lane slowly approaching, Jey Uso took on Tyson Kidd in a singles match, rather indicating that they will be getting a shot at the PPV.

Cesaro shows the world that the "Brass Ring Club" symbol was too close to the bone for New Japan's liking.

Especially given that Tyson Kidd won the match. He went right to work on Uso's legs. Uso started a comeback, but had a dive out blocked and then despite getting a Samoan Drop, had the running ass splash prevented by Cesaro getting involved, allowing Kidd to kick out the leg and hit the spinning fisherman's neckbreaker. Oddly almost extended squash-like as Usos never really got the chance to get going.

And then. later in the show, after knocking off Attitude Era mainstays The New Age Outlaws at the Royal Rumble, The Ascension looked to send another in Goldust, along with his brother, to The Wasteland. They ot to cut an inset promo, stating pretty much as much. The bell rang and the Dusts had a lengthy debate as to who would start the match, a discussion that Stardust would win. Victor quickly took control of Cody before bringing Konnor in.

"Oh come on! I wanted an upskirt view!"

Stardust would eventually get to Goldust for the hot tag, and Goldust would go to work on Victor. However, as he looked to maybe put the match away, Stardust tagged himself back into the match, and as he jumped up the ropes, Konnor shoved him back down, before they hit the Fall Of Man for the win. So clear distension brewing between Dustin & Cody. Looks like they might just get that Mania match they wanted against each other after all.

It was announced that Paige would get a title shot at Nikki Bella at Fast Lane, and was interviewed by Renee Young, but the Bellas quickly interrupted and mocked Paige for her pale complexion. It then descended into a fight that saw them lay Paige out. And also on the show, Bray Wyatt cut a pre-taped promo. The jist of it was that what happened with him next we would find it hard to smile again. He also mentioned how he didn't fear anyone living. Or dead...

Roman Reigns def. Big Show
Tyson Kidd def. Jey Uso
The Ascension def. Goldust & Stardust
Daniel Bryan def. Kane in a Casket match

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