noting that, once again, the music selection is a random selection
purloined from the NME's Top 100 Tracks Of The Britpop Era.
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Kha Listerio and Khady Rhodes showed
up, Mark Henry went on the pull, Dean Ambrose got busted down to the
midcard, Big Show only got one move and still won while Ryback didn't
know how tables should work.
opened with the announcement on RAW that due to his concussion, Dolph
Ziggler was off of Extreme Rules, but not stripped for the title,
meaning Del Rio & Swagger would be facing each other, but now in
an I Quit match, I'm just more annoyed that they didn't keep it a
ladder match, because as a mate pointed out on Twitter, it could have
been called the "Cheque Is In The Post" Ladder match...
And then the video asked what would happen when Big Show & Randy
Orton guested on Miz TV...
wrestlers in big matches on a PPV this Sunday... Guess what I smell
being set up...
that's what we began with. Sing it if you know it. Orton came out.
Big Show came out. They went back and forth. Big Show said he
didn't need weapons and people would remember a TKO rather than a
RKO. Orton said the PPV was in his hometown and people would
remember how the Viper struck down the giant.
& Swagger came out saying people would remember Alberto Del Rio
screaming "I Quit". Alberto Del Rio came out saying people
would remember Swagger quitting. Mark Henry came out and said people
would remember him beating Sheamus like no-one ever had before.
Sheamus came out with a hand behind his back, clearly with a strap in
his hand. Rather than say the memory he'd leave people with, he
wondered why they should wait until Sunday. He showed the strap and
the heels bailed, but not before the babyfaces got some shots in.
Sheamus with his strap literally.
not gonna say that Smackdown has finally "broken" me, but
there's nothing particularly witty or insightful (don't say a
word...) that I can write here. This was so textbook, it was the
textbook example of how to write textbook examples. Anyway, after a
break, Teddy Long came out on stage and announced the blatantly
obvious six-man tag match. Cole then explained that Booker is
injured (don't ask me how...) hence why he's not around.
- "What Do I Do Now?" (Ranked 95)
Shield def. The Usos in a "Can we find some way of getting Seth
Rollins into the Samoan family and thus have a proper-in-family
you weren't aware, Reigns is the son of Sika and thus an Anoa'i, and
cousin of Rikishi, who bore the Usos. The Usos got the upperhand
early on Rollins, but Reigns blind-tagged in and took control of the
match. However, he had a charge blocked by Jey Usos, who quickly hit
the running ass splash. The match broke down, with Jimmy taking out
Rollins, but Reigns avoided a superkick and hit Jimmy with a spear
for the win.
the match, they put beatings on Jimmy Uso when Kofi Kingston ran down
to try and make the save. The Shield bundled him out, but that just
allowed Kofi to grab a chair and chase them off as they set to Triple
from break, Teddy Long was chatting with Miz, who Long welcomed back
to Smackdown. Damien Sandow walked in and said Miz should have never
returned, before pitching The Damien Sandow Show with Long getting
the chance to produce it. Long said he'd think about it, but tonight
he'd face Miz.
showed a clip from RAW as John Cena fought the odds against The
Shield, only for them to DQ themselves and Triple Powerbomb him, only
for Ryback to come out and end up smacking Cena's ankle with a
Of Funk def. The Prime Time Players in a "No afro comb, no wins,
Of Funk got a pre-break entrance. The PTP got jackshit. They did
get control of the match when Titus hit a flying forearm off the
apron on Sweet Tm, however. Titus missed a shoulder charge in the
corner, which led to the hot tag to Brodus Clay. After a slam, the
match broke down, but when Tensai dumped Titus, they hit the double
splash on Darren Young for the win.
- "Great Things" (Ranked 69)
WWE Rewind, we looked back at the Dance-Off on RAW that involved
almost no dancing and Fandango getting the upperhand on Jericho.
Jericho def. Antonio Cesaro in a "Why don't they just give
Cesaro Lane Storm's "boring" gimmick. Because then at
least soon after that, his cock will be huge." match
the App thing drive you nuts on Monday? Well, at least they could
say that what was on the App at the time was then actually live.
Here, in the opening couple of minutes of the bout, they showed
"live" mid-match App footage of Fandango & Summer Rae
dancing backstage, before she mockingly fell and hurt her ankle again
before having a comically villainous laugh about it. No really.
They pretended this was happening there and then. I'm using a
broadcast that occurred YESTERDAY, never mind not live. Not even the
right damn day.
the match, they went back and forth early, with Jericho forcing
Cesaro out of the ring a couple of times. The second time, Cesaro
got Jericho and teased suplexing him out of the ring, but he elected
to get back in, which allowed Jericho to hit the double-jump dropkick
to put Cesaro on the floor as we took a break (albeit one that didn't
happen until Michael Cole told us to continue to watch the match on
was in control as we came back. Cesaro worked a chinlock, which
Jericho tried to break, but Cesaro hung on to it. When it did break,
Jericho hit a double axe handle off the top rope. However, Cesaro
went back to the chinlock. Jericho slipped out and looked for the
Walls. Cesaro avoided it, but was downed. He got the knees up on
the Lionsault before hitting a double stomp on the chest for a 2
count. Jericho floated over a charge and hit an enziguri for a 2
tilt-a-whill backbreaker picked up a 2 count for Cesaro before he
went back to the chinlock. Jericho broke, but Cesaro got him in
position for the Neutraliser. Jericho avoided that, but Cesaro
countered, once again, Jericho's attempt at the Walls Of Jericho.
Jericho blocked a charge, but came off the top rope into the European
Uppercut for another near fall. Cesaro dead-lifted Jericho, but
Jericho slipped out and rolled Cesaro up into the Walls Of Jericho
for the win.
the match, Fandango's music played and Summer Rae came out. However,
Jericho was wise to Fandango attacking from behind. Jericho took
Fandango down, but Cesaro got involved allowing Fandango to escape.
As punishment, Mr. Boring took a Codebreaker, leaving the only 2 guys
on the Extreme Rules PPV (where the gimmick is that every match has a
gimmick) without a gimmick in their match (in in itself, in a way, is
it's gimmick) to stare at each other while I stared at Summer Rae.
announcers sent it back to RAW as Jack Swagger managed to beat Big E.
Langston by countout before Alberto Del Rio got some shots in on
- "You're Gorgeous" (Ranked 35)
Miz def. Damien Sandow in a "Well, which one is facing Cody on
was in the ring as we came back from break, while Cody Rhodes was on
commentary. Sandow took control early, working Miz in the corner.
However, Miz fired back until Sandow bailed. Miz hit a double axe
handle off the apron, but Sandow caught Miz back in. As Sandow
worked Miz over, Cody got on the mic and told the crowd to cheer on
Sandow. This did not happen. Seconds later, they showed a "live"
app interview with Wade Barrett was taking place. Apparently, he was
talking about Miz. Sandow hit the knees to Miz's chest and then hit
he Side Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for a 2 count.
escaping a chinlock, Miz made his comeback, hitting his usual
offence. He looked for the Figure Four, which got Rhodes on the
apron to distract him. Sandow tried a back suplex, but Miz flipped
out of it, took down Sandow and locked on the Figure Four for the
def. Aksana in a "It's the gloves what won it..."
was in the ring. Kaitlyn came out with gloves on that were
apparently sent to her by her secret admirer. No Khali awesomeness
this week. Me sad. Josh said that the secret admirer had to be
ugly, which immediately led JBL & Cole to accuse Josh of being
the guy. Josh surmised that it was Sin Cara. Kaitlyn had the upper
hand early, but Aksana managed to take control of the match, working
Kaitlyn's back. She hit a Side Russian (or I guess in her case, a
Side Lithuanian) before crawling around Kaitlyn sexily and picking up
a 2 count. She looked over and over-the shoulder backbreaker
submission, but Kaitlyn slipped out and quickly hit a spear for the
a break, we saw a hype package for the Lesnar vs. HHH Cage match on
Sunday. This led to the RAW Rebound, which was essentially a large
chunk of RAW's final segment.
- "Wide Open Space" (Ranked 18)
Orton, Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio def. Jack Swagger, Mark Henry &
Big Show in a "These men, in various combinations, have matches
on Sunday. Hence why this match exists..." match
some reason, Lillian introduced Ricardo Rodriguez in Spanish, only
for Ricardo then introduce Alberto Del Rio in English. Is this
backwards day??? Was this a rib??? Have the synapses in my brain
just snapped and now hear Spanish as English and vice versa? Del Rio
& Orton took turns working over Swagger early Del rio hit
Swagger with the backcracker before Swagger rolled out the ring.
However, he was hit with a suicide dive. Thanks to a Big Show
distraction, Del Rio was thrown off the top rope, a move that allowed
the heels to take control and work over Del Rio.
a break, Del Rio was a fingertip away from tagging Sheamus, but Big
Show cut him off, laughing at Sheamus, who was looking for the tag.
He went to powerbomb Alberto, but Del Rio countered with a
headscissors. This allowed Sheamus to make a tag, with Sheamus going
to work on Big Show. A chokeslam was avoided and Sheamus hit White
Noise. Thanks to a Henry distraction, Big Show blocked the Brogue
Kick and hit a chokeslam for a 2 count.
heels then took turns working over Sheamus. Big Show hit some rapid
slaps to the chest, before bringing Swagger in . Swagger Bomb picked
up a 2 count, but a second attempt was cut off by Sheamus, who gave
Swagger and Electric Chair Drop. This allowed Sheamus to tag in
Randy Orton. He came in with his signature offence on Swagger, but
Henry put Orton down, as the match broke down. Henry was downed by a
Del Rio enziguri while Show took a Brogue Kick. Swagger looked for
the Patriot Lock on Del Rio, but Orton was the legal man, and he was
still alive, so he hit the RKO on Swagger for the win.
show ended with Cole giving it a final hard sell for the PPV as the
babyfaces celebrated. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but
hit show was entirely nondescript and missable. That said, it's not
a shitty show to watch. Just the sort of show that makes me struggle
to write any of the headlines or shit that require my sense of
humour. This may be the biggest indictment of the show, but I badly missed Khali hilarity this week...