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Smackdown: An Extreme Rules Go Home Show

By Aaron Wood May 17, 2013 - 5:57 PM print

Just noting that, once again, the music selection is a random selection purloined from the NME's Top 100 Tracks Of The Britpop Era.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Kha Listerio and Khady Rhodes showed up, Mark Henry went on the pull, Dean Ambrose got busted down to the midcard, Big Show only got one move and still won while Ryback didn't know how tables should work.

We opened with the announcement on RAW that due to his concussion, Dolph Ziggler was off of Extreme Rules, but not stripped for the title, meaning Del Rio & Swagger would be facing each other, but now in an I Quit match, I'm just more annoyed that they didn't keep it a ladder match, because as a mate pointed out on Twitter, it could have been called the "Cheque Is In The Post" Ladder match... And then the video asked what would happen when Big Show & Randy Orton guested on Miz TV...

Six wrestlers in big matches on a PPV this Sunday... Guess what I smell being set up...
And that's what we began with. Sing it if you know it. Orton came out. Big Show came out. They went back and forth. Big Show said he didn't need weapons and people would remember a TKO rather than a RKO. Orton said the PPV was in his hometown and people would remember how the Viper struck down the giant.

Colter & Swagger came out saying people would remember Alberto Del Rio screaming "I Quit". Alberto Del Rio came out saying people would remember Swagger quitting. Mark Henry came out and said people would remember him beating Sheamus like no-one ever had before. Sheamus came out with a hand behind his back, clearly with a strap in his hand. Rather than say the memory he'd leave people with, he wondered why they should wait until Sunday. He showed the strap and the heels bailed, but not before the babyfaces got some shots in. Sheamus with his strap literally.

I'm not gonna say that Smackdown has finally "broken" me, but there's nothing particularly witty or insightful (don't say a word...) that I can write here. This was so textbook, it was the textbook example of how to write textbook examples. Anyway, after a break, Teddy Long came out on stage and announced the blatantly obvious six-man tag match. Cole then explained that Booker is injured (don't ask me how...) hence why he's not around.

Sleeper - "What Do I Do Now?" (Ranked 95)

The Shield def. The Usos in a "Can we find some way of getting Seth Rollins into the Samoan family and thus have a proper-in-family punch-up?" match
If you weren't aware, Reigns is the son of Sika and thus an Anoa'i, and cousin of Rikishi, who bore the Usos. The Usos got the upperhand early on Rollins, but Reigns blind-tagged in and took control of the match. However, he had a charge blocked by Jey Usos, who quickly hit the running ass splash. The match broke down, with Jimmy taking out Rollins, but Reigns avoided a superkick and hit Jimmy with a spear for the win.

After the match, they put beatings on Jimmy Uso when Kofi Kingston ran down to try and make the save. The Shield bundled him out, but that just allowed Kofi to grab a chair and chase them off as they set to Triple Powerbomb Jimmy.

back from break, Teddy Long was chatting with Miz, who Long welcomed back to Smackdown. Damien Sandow walked in and said Miz should have never returned, before pitching The Damien Sandow Show with Long getting the chance to produce it. Long said he'd think about it, but tonight he'd face Miz.

They showed a clip from RAW as John Cena fought the odds against The Shield, only for them to DQ themselves and Triple Powerbomb him, only for Ryback to come out and end up smacking Cena's ankle with a chair.

Tons Of Funk def. The Prime Time Players in a "No afro comb, no wins, bitches..." match
Tons Of Funk got a pre-break entrance. The PTP got jackshit. They did get control of the match when Titus hit a flying forearm off the apron on Sweet Tm, however. Titus missed a shoulder charge in the corner, which led to the hot tag to Brodus Clay. After a slam, the match broke down, but when Tensai dumped Titus, they hit the double splash on Darren Young for the win.

Echobelly - "Great Things" (Ranked 69)

The WWE Rewind, we looked back at the Dance-Off on RAW that involved almost no dancing and Fandango getting the upperhand on Jericho.

Chris Jericho def. Antonio Cesaro in a "Why don't they just give Cesaro Lane Storm's "boring" gimmick. Because then at least soon after that, his cock will be huge." match
Did the App thing drive you nuts on Monday? Well, at least they could say that what was on the App at the time was then actually live. Here, in the opening couple of minutes of the bout, they showed "live" mid-match App footage of Fandango & Summer Rae dancing backstage, before she mockingly fell and hurt her ankle again before having a comically villainous laugh about it. No really. They pretended this was happening there and then. I'm using a broadcast that occurred YESTERDAY, never mind not live. Not even the right damn day.

Anyway, the match, they went back and forth early, with Jericho forcing Cesaro out of the ring a couple of times. The second time, Cesaro got Jericho and teased suplexing him out of the ring, but he elected to get back in, which allowed Jericho to hit the double-jump dropkick to put Cesaro on the floor as we took a break (albeit one that didn't happen until Michael Cole told us to continue to watch the match on the app.

Antonio was in control as we came back. Cesaro worked a chinlock, which Jericho tried to break, but Cesaro hung on to it. When it did break, Jericho hit a double axe handle off the top rope. However, Cesaro went back to the chinlock. Jericho slipped out and looked for the Walls. Cesaro avoided it, but was downed. He got the knees up on the Lionsault before hitting a double stomp on the chest for a 2 count. Jericho floated over a charge and hit an enziguri for a 2 count.

A tilt-a-whill backbreaker picked up a 2 count for Cesaro before he went back to the chinlock. Jericho broke, but Cesaro got him in position for the Neutraliser. Jericho avoided that, but Cesaro countered, once again, Jericho's attempt at the Walls Of Jericho. Jericho blocked a charge, but came off the top rope into the European Uppercut for another near fall. Cesaro dead-lifted Jericho, but Jericho slipped out and rolled Cesaro up into the Walls Of Jericho for the win.

After the match, Fandango's music played and Summer Rae came out. However, Jericho was wise to Fandango attacking from behind. Jericho took Fandango down, but Cesaro got involved allowing Fandango to escape. As punishment, Mr. Boring took a Codebreaker, leaving the only 2 guys on the Extreme Rules PPV (where the gimmick is that every match has a gimmick) without a gimmick in their match (in in itself, in a way, is it's gimmick) to stare at each other while I stared at Summer Rae. She purty...

The announcers sent it back to RAW as Jack Swagger managed to beat Big E. Langston by countout before Alberto Del Rio got some shots in on Swagger.

Babybird - "You're Gorgeous" (Ranked 35)

The Miz def. Damien Sandow in a "Well, which one is facing Cody on Sunday?" match
Sandow was in the ring as we came back from break, while Cody Rhodes was on commentary. Sandow took control early, working Miz in the corner. However, Miz fired back until Sandow bailed. Miz hit a double axe handle off the apron, but Sandow caught Miz back in. As Sandow worked Miz over, Cody got on the mic and told the crowd to cheer on Sandow. This did not happen. Seconds later, they showed a "live" app interview with Wade Barrett was taking place. Apparently, he was talking about Miz. Sandow hit the knees to Miz's chest and then hit he Side Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for a 2 count.

After escaping a chinlock, Miz made his comeback, hitting his usual offence. He looked for the Figure Four, which got Rhodes on the apron to distract him. Sandow tried a back suplex, but Miz flipped out of it, took down Sandow and locked on the Figure Four for the win.

Kaitlyn def. Aksana in a "It's the gloves what won it..." match
Aksana was in the ring. Kaitlyn came out with gloves on that were apparently sent to her by her secret admirer. No Khali awesomeness this week. Me sad. Josh said that the secret admirer had to be ugly, which immediately led JBL & Cole to accuse Josh of being the guy. Josh surmised that it was Sin Cara. Kaitlyn had the upper hand early, but Aksana managed to take control of the match, working Kaitlyn's back. She hit a Side Russian (or I guess in her case, a Side Lithuanian) before crawling around Kaitlyn sexily and picking up a 2 count. She looked over and over-the shoulder backbreaker submission, but Kaitlyn slipped out and quickly hit a spear for the win.

After a break, we saw a hype package for the Lesnar vs. HHH Cage match on Sunday. This led to the RAW Rebound, which was essentially a large chunk of RAW's final segment.

Mansun - "Wide Open Space" (Ranked 18)

Randy Orton, Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio def. Jack Swagger, Mark Henry & Big Show in a "These men, in various combinations, have matches on Sunday. Hence why this match exists..." match
For some reason, Lillian introduced Ricardo Rodriguez in Spanish, only for Ricardo then introduce Alberto Del Rio in English. Is this backwards day??? Was this a rib??? Have the synapses in my brain just snapped and now hear Spanish as English and vice versa? Del Rio & Orton took turns working over Swagger early Del rio hit Swagger with the backcracker before Swagger rolled out the ring. However, he was hit with a suicide dive. Thanks to a Big Show distraction, Del Rio was thrown off the top rope, a move that allowed the heels to take control and work over Del Rio.

After a break, Del Rio was a fingertip away from tagging Sheamus, but Big Show cut him off, laughing at Sheamus, who was looking for the tag. He went to powerbomb Alberto, but Del Rio countered with a headscissors. This allowed Sheamus to make a tag, with Sheamus going to work on Big Show. A chokeslam was avoided and Sheamus hit White Noise. Thanks to a Henry distraction, Big Show blocked the Brogue Kick and hit a chokeslam for a 2 count.

The heels then took turns working over Sheamus. Big Show hit some rapid slaps to the chest, before bringing Swagger in . Swagger Bomb picked up a 2 count, but a second attempt was cut off by Sheamus, who gave Swagger and Electric Chair Drop. This allowed Sheamus to tag in Randy Orton. He came in with his signature offence on Swagger, but Henry put Orton down, as the match broke down. Henry was downed by a Del Rio enziguri while Show took a Brogue Kick. Swagger looked for the Patriot Lock on Del Rio, but Orton was the legal man, and he was still alive, so he hit the RKO on Swagger for the win.

The show ended with Cole giving it a final hard sell for the PPV as the babyfaces celebrated. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but hit show was entirely nondescript and missable. That said, it's not a shitty show to watch. Just the sort of show that makes me struggle to write any of the headlines or shit that require my sense of humour.  This may be the biggest indictment of the show, but I badly missed Khali hilarity this week...

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