Well, here you have it. We Want Insanity. Wrestling & everything in between. I've got non-wrestling stuff too, and indeed, my very first non-wrestling article for here is possibly going to be the most explosive thing I've written yet. Put it this way, on this site, or at least the forums, I'm labelled as someone who hates TNA (I don't, I just call it like I see it and 95% of the time, I'm proved right), but if you think that, then hoo boy... You haven't seen anything yet...
As it goes, a last selection fo new tracks for this year, as starting next week will see the start of my iTunes "Top 20 most played of 2012" countdown. By the way, iTunes 11, speaking as someone who is not against change? Really not liking it. right now. Why have they added an unnecessary layer of process to EVERYTHING to get anything done? Morons.
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Some of RAW gets followed up properly for once, Ryback showed where Titus could stick his whistle, Damien Sandow cut in line and Randy Orton just can't finish Dolph Ziggler with anything.
We opened the show with a "Tonight..." video. By the way, I did a very peripheral check in my archives and found that Smackdown has been doing these videos almost TWO FULL YEARS ago. So yeah, continue to beat that "They're doing it on RAW because of TNA" line... Anyway, for some odd reason, they went really OTT on just how much of a RAW recap this "Tonight on Smackdown" video was, as it focussed heavily on the end of the show with The Shield and their targeting of Ryback.
"But Aaron, they did the AJ Scandal last week and everyone involved showed up! So maybe The Shield will be on the show tonight to cut a promo about how unjust it is that Ryback is getting this TLC match with Punk?"
No. They're not on this episode.
"OK then, Aaron. Maybe Punk will be on to discuss what happened on Monday?"
Nope. Punk's not on this show either.
"Ryback gets a squash match in, instead of, say, a pointless and crappy match between., let's say, David Otunga and The Great Khali??"
Niet. Nobody at all involved in this angle that was essentially recapped here in full appears in new footage on this show. Once again, the FIRST thing they had to promote on this show was a piss-poor tease for a recap later in the show, piss-poor since it essentially all the recapping necessary in the first place, making the actual recap redundant. Oh, and by the way, you're getting that Khali/Otunga match too...
They did mention it would be Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler in the main event and that John Cena & Big Show would be in the building. But in the closing of the video, it painted the picture the show would be focussed on six men. Two of whom don't
actually appear on the show.
That said, with Cena in the hizzouse, why not use him? So he cold-opened the show (still no new opening credits set to THIS GARBAGE (and yes, this is the official theme song for Smackdown these days, but hey, at least it's not Green Day...) coming down to the ring. Even noting it was Friday and how odd it was to see him then when talking into the camera on the stage.
We saw Cena beating Dolph Ziggler on RAW. Cena said he wanted the world to know it was Friday Night Smackdown. And yes, he was on the show, which was not a regular thing, but he was excited for the main event of this particular Smackdown, which involved Dolph Ziggler. And since Ziggler had gotten into Cena's business recently and was pointing fingers at him, so tonight, he was pointing right back. Ziggler, whose greatest achievement was being Champion for 2 minutes. And his biggest fear (aside from us finding out he's a guy trapped inside a teenage girls body (hang on, shouldn't that joke be the other way round, as that would make it work then???)) is losing his MITB case, because if he lost that, his whole identity goes. And thus, I think we have why Cena beat Ziggler on RAW and yet they'll still fight on the PPV. For the briefcase.
Cena went off about Ziggler's braggadocio and how he beat Ziggler on Monday. He went on to talk about how Dolph was not in a match, but a fight, against Sheamus. However, at that moment, Alberto Del Rio came out. Cena shouldn't worry about Ziggler, but him. This was his house and his show. Del Rio was wrong, according to Cena. It belonged to the fans. Del Rio reminded Cena that he himself was a former MITB winner, Royal Rumble winner and 2-time WWE Champion. And most importantly, the last time Cena and Del Rio shared the ring, Del Rio destroyed Cena. So get to steppin' gringo.
Actually, Cena wasn't for leaving. He remembered all the things Del Rio said, but since he was interested in the main event, he figured he'd have match. Which he does. With Del Rio. Now.
Enter Shikari - "Pack Of Thieves"
John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio in a "So...Alberto still developing the Cross Legbreaker then???" match
This match started with Del Rio being sent out quickly. However, he snapped Cena off the ropes, while outside to take control. Rather than target Cena's mildly injured knee, Del Rio went after the head and shoulder. He mocked Cena while aiming boots to the head. Cena blocked a suplex, but a charge missed met the ringpost, with Del Rio continuing to target the shoulder.
After another break, Del Rio missed a senton out of the corner, allowing for a Cena comeback. He got as far as the Attitude Adjustment, but Del Rio countered it with a Backcracker. They then did a lengthy sequence where they would counter moves. After a corner jump was met with a mid-air dropkick from Cena, Cena went for the AA, but it was turned into a Cross Armbreaker attempt. That was turned into the STF. Del Rio wrenched at Cena's fingers with allowed him to survive long enough to reach the ropes.
Del Rio managed to lock Cena in the Cross Armbreaker over the top rope. Del Rio went to vault in but Cena caught him in position for the AA. It was countered for a third time in the match, this time with Del Rio hitting a German suplex for a 2 count. Del Rio put Cena in the Tree Of Woe, although once again, Cena' knee didn't come into play, or was even mentioned. Del Rio charged, but Cena sat up from the position so Del Rio hit the corner. Cena turned round up top and hit the top rope Fameasser for the three count.
Pretty damn good match to kick things off. Thought it was a little odd that Cena's knee wasn't a factor at all in the match. It really does make Del Rio look like a one-trick pony as Cena had a supposed glaring weakness and yet he ignored it for his usual stuff. That said, the psychology of Cena not getting to hit the AA, so getting the win with some else was decent.
After the match, Cena headed for the stage, but Dolph attacked him from behind as he posed, hitting Cena with the MITB case in the back of the head.
The announcers talked about the ending of RAW as we once again saw The Shield attacking Kane (and Daniel Bryan) after his match against CM Punk. No Ryback involvement as yet though. Gotta save 30 seconds of footage for the hyped recap... Anyway, backstage, we caught up with Kane & Daniel Bryan as they stared at each other. Kofi Kingston walked up and told them they all needed to be on the same page in their six-man tag match.
Bryan said that "my tag team partner" was one of the most destructive forces in WWE history. Kane returned the compliment, saying his partner was one of the most dangerous submission specialists in WWE history, who can and will make men twice his size tap out. Kane noted the world hadn't begun to see how lethal and dangerous they could be. But they would, starting tonight. Could they get along? The answer was "yes". Then Kane & Bryan started chanting "Yes!" in unison. They left Kofi looking rather perplexed as he was totes not expecting that.
Matt & Kim - "Let's Go"
After the break, Cena was pissed and in the company of Booker T. Cena was threatening to take Dolph out the second he went out for the main event. Booker told Cena that he needed the show to stay in control, and told Cena to let the match happen. However, once it was done and Booker's business was taken care of, have at it. Cena was OK with this.
The Great Khali def. David Otunga in a "The second you head "Great Khali" you skipped the rest of this paragraph, didn't you?" match
Everyone was already in the ring as we joined them. Otunga was sent out quickly and Hornswoggle gave him the seated ass splash. Otunga chased him, but Khali grabbed Otunga from behind and rolled Otunga back in. Otunga tried to get the jump on Khali while the POONjabi Playboy was straddling the ropes, but this didn't work and Otunga took the overhand chop for the three count.
Hell No & Kofi Kingston def. Prime Time Players & Wade Barrett in a "This is incredibly disconcerting seeing them actually unified...." match
Back from break, The Prime Time Players were dancing in the ring while Wade was there, so we got the babyface entrances. For the first time yet, Kane & Bryan came out together, and there were no shenanigans between the two. No annoyance by Bryan at "yes" chants. They were all about the business here. Indeed early on, they put over the idea of Kane & Bryan's new-found unity as they worked over first Young and then Titus O'Neil.
After a break, Kingston was now in the ring against Darren Young, but still, for a short time, it was about showing off Hell No's teamwork. That was until Titus got a blind tag in and was able to take control, leading to all three heels working over Daniel Bryan. After everyone took turns and indeed, took their sweet time in beating on Bryan, hitting some high impact offence, including the Black Hole Slam by Wade and a nice Northern Lights Suplex from Darren Young, eventually Bryan was able to block a three-point stance charge by Titus, before crawling over to tag Kane, who took it to the tagged-in Young.
Kane hit his usual offence, picking up a 2 count off the side slam before hitting the Flying Clothesline. Titus broke up the pin, so Kofi took him out and then hit Trouble In Paradise on Wade on the apron. Young took out Kofi and the hung Kane off the top rope, but he jumped into a chokeslam. Kane then went over and tagged in Daniel Bryan, who hit the diving headbutt before locking on the No Lock (Which I guess will end up being the Yes Lock again by the looks of things) for the win.
Not only was this a fun match, as 99% of six-man tag matches seem to be, but it was a highly effective showcase of Kane & Daniel Bryan being a cohesive unit. Indeed, as Kane blew his pyro, Bryan was all about Kane doing it rather than trying to stop him or being scared of it.
Backstage, Matt Striker (and his Village People gay biker 'tache) interviewed Sheamus. Sheamus said the good news for Dolph was that Cena wouldn't be getting involved. But the bad news was he was still facing Sheamus. But to Sheamus, he wasn't actually facing Ziggler. To him, for the last few weeks, he's been seeing Big Show instead of his opponent. So Sheamus would be making Ziggler beg for Cena to put him out of his misery. He said Ziggler would be able to show off his head, once he kicks it off his shoulders.
Darwin Deez - "Free (The Editorial Me)"
Back from break, we went to the RAW Rebound, which was, you guessed it, the much anticipated recap of the main event segment from RAW, despite the fact that only bit we hadn't already seen on the show was CM Punk standing over Ryback after The Shield laid him out already.
Damien Sandow made his way out, cutting a promo on his way down to the ring. He said for the last several months he's attempted to enlighten us, which has been futile. But he is not abandoning us. However, he would not be focussing on the masses, and in his infinite wisdom, he would be sharing his knowledge on an individual basis. He was seeking an apprentice. But who was worthy of such an esteemed position?
He went round the ring looking for various people, rejecting most entirely off hand until picking a dude in a CM Punk shirt. While a plant, obviously, he was no wrestler. Basically, to be Sandow's apprentice, the guy had to answer three questions successfully. Sandow's first question was "How many wheels on a tricycle?". The guy, with all the confidence of a jobbing actor getting his big break, answered correctly.
The second question was "How often does the US hold Presidential Elections?". Again, the guy answered correctly. The final question. "What is the orbital velocity of Jupiter's moon Europa?". Well, while the answer to that is obviously 13.74 km/s, this fellow was clearly too simplistic to know this. And so he blew his shot. Sandow said he had embarrassed himself, family and whole state of Louisiana. Sandow ordered him to leave, well, everything, including the USA. And with this, everyone heads to the NXT roster page to see whom fits the bill and thus to look out for when they decide to pay the angle off. Unless they are just stalling for something to do while Cody's injured...
After the break, we saw the pictures of Vince, Layla, Eve, Truth & Miz visiting the troops.
Damien Sandow def. Tyson Kidd in a "Hate to say it, but uh, Cody, don't be rushing back too soon, now..." match
Kidd was already in the ring and we got the opening bell as Josh mentioned it was JBL's idea to do the Troops shows. Despite powdering out early, Sandow quickly came back and worked Kidd in the ribs before hitting Cubito Aequet for a 2 count. Kidd started a comeback with a crossbody and then some kicks. After taking a 2 count, Sandow rolled out, although Kidd hit a suicide dive. The springboard elbow drop met with Sandow's knees however and The Terminus, well, terminated the match.
They sent it to the Make-A-Wish Foundation video honouring John Cena from a couple of weeks ago.
Backstage, Striker was with Ziggler. Asked if he had something to prove after Monday, Ziggler said he was effectively in a handicap match. AJ got involved and Cena had no problem cheating, and yet, Dolph was somehow the bad guy? Cena was not to be trusted. He lied about his relationship and was the biggest lair ever. And liars get what's coming to them. A case shot tot he back of the head. As for Sheamus, he might think he's seeing Big Show when he's looking at him. Well look again, because he's really looking at the next World Champion.
Lana Del Rey - "Ride"
3MB def. The Usos in a "Come to think of it, now that Kenneth Cameron has been fired and Ascension is effectively dead, who are the Usos going to feud with now on NXT???" match
The Usos made their way out first, although we only got half their entrance. But that just meant the 3MB got their full entrance. Once again, it was Slater & Mahal working the match while Drew was being awesome while wearing a cast on the outside. The Usos started off working over Slater. Slater pulled Jimmy out of the corner while he was sat up top and tagged in Mahal as the 3MB took control. Butterfly suplex by Mahal picked up a 2 count.
Jimmy chopped Mahal in the chest and tagged in Jey Uso. He hit the mule kick and uppercut on Jinder before giving him a Samoan Drop. Running ass splash followed, but Slater broke up the pin. As Jimmy came in the ring, and the ref tried to get him out, Slater kicked Jey in the back of the head, allowing Mahal to hit a Full Nelson Slam for the win.
The match was what it was. But Drew McIntyre's air guitar as the band celebrated was comedic joy to behold.
The announcers sent it back to RAW on Monday as we saw the end of the Sheamus/Antonio Cesaro match as while Cesaro was counted out before Big Show destroyed a chair with his bare hands (and ramp). Of course, this hypes up the Chairs match at the TLC PPV.
Cee Lo Green & The Muppets - "All I Need Is Love"
Sheamus def. Dolph Ziggler by DQ in a "At least Dolph wasn't Brogue Kicked..." match
Sheamus started off, getting the side headlock take over on Ziggler followed by a shoulderblock. Dolph came back with a clothesline, but was then so damn pleased with himself, it allowed Sheamus get the drop on him in the corner. While Dolph telegraphed a backdrop, Sheamus hit a scoop slam and elbow drop for the first near fall. Ziggler shoved Sheamus out, but Sheamus caught the ensuing crossbody off the apron and gave Dolph a fall away Slam into the guardrail. Dolph tried to leave, crawling up the ramp, but Sheamus brought him back in. He looked to club Ziggler in the ropes, but Dolph hung Sheamus off the top rope and dropkicked him off the apron as we took a commercial break.
Ziggler was in control upon return, hitting a Stinger Splash before aiming some shots at the head of Sheamus. Sheamus back suplexed out of a chinlock, but was given a drop toe hold into the ropes. However, since Dolph wasn't Rey Mysterio, he just got on the apron and kicked him. However, off a charge, Sheamus elevated Ziggler to the apron, giving him the clubs to the chest. Sheamus missed the Battering Ram off the top as well as the Brogue Kick, with Ziggler hitting the leaping DDT for a 2 count.
Ziggler wanted the Fameasser, but Sheamus avoided and caught Dolph with the Irish Curse. Dolph slipped out a slam and rolled Sheamus up for a 2 count, but Sheamus popped up and looked for White Noise. Ziggler rolled through that, but so did Sheamus, as he then locked on the Texas Cloverleaf.
Big Show hit the apron, and they got into a fight, drawing the DQ. Big Show got the upperhand, making it a 2-on-1 until Cena ran down to make even the odds. He avoided a Big Show charge in the corner, before being fed Ziggler for the AA. Big Show grabbed Cena, and then Sheamus, for a double chokeslam, but the blocked it and teamed to hit a double suplex on Show. They then hit double shoulderblocks to send Big Show out.
The show ended with Cena & Sheamus celebrating while Show was livid at ringside and Dolph was recovering on the ramp. Show was pretty good this week, with a good opener, a really good closer and a very fun six-man tag with some character development with Hell No. The only thing that blew was the Khali/Otunga match and that barely lasted a minutes, and a good 20 of that was the stuff with Hornswoggle.