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Smackdown: Where's The Anonymous RW GM When You Need Them The Most?

By Aaron Wood Dec 5, 2014 - 6:59 PM print

This Week On Smackdown: Rollins needs a "big" nickname, Brie gets pouty and they let an Italian run things because it's not like Berlusconi sucks balls...

I could spend an entire opening paragraph talking about this show. But you know the table is set when you saw the very first frame of the show, airing even before the "Then, Now, Forever" graphics...

Oh dear sweet Christ, no...

So yeah, this show did not start off on a good footing for me. It also featured that other recent pet peeve of mine, AJ Lee doing commentary when it's clear she should be anywhere else on the planet whether she wants to be there or not while her current foe is wrestling.

Thankfully, Santino didn't appear in the show all that much, although when he showed up in the first 2 segments, you could get worried, but then, only one after that. So he appeared pre-opening. He said he was in charge of Smackdown tonight. He then said he was in charge. No. Really. He essentially said he was in charge in 2 consecutive sentences He was in Charge of Smackdown tonight. And so we should hold onto our Cobras (let's not even...) because he was in charge.




Sorry, I just had to spend some time rocking back and forth in the foetal position gently sobbing that I had to watch that. Anyway, when we joined the announcers, Tom Phillips said Santino had made the opening match."earlier in the week". And that match was Luke Harper defending the IC Title against Dolph Ziggler.

Did you see Smackdown last week? Did you read the review? Well, if you did watch it, shut your eyes and remember what you saw. If you read my review, read it again. I'm saying almost the same thing. Back and forth with Dolph getting the upperhand before the break, Harper getting control during it, but not for long until they started ramping up towards the finish of the match as they countered each other and hit some big moves.

Sweet Beard Music?

That said, this time, rather than a count out win, after a series of near falls, when it looked like Ziggler would keep harper on his back for the three count, Harper just kicked Dolph square in the Zigglers for the DQ escape. As Dolph was down holding his boys, Luke decided to whip out a ladder, setting it up on it's side before getting Ziggler up to powerbomb him onto it's edge. However, Ziggler countered and turned it into a X-Factor. As Harper went to leave, Dolph launched the ladder into Harper on the outside. Then Santino came out and made Ziggler vs. Harper for the title in a ladder match at the PPV.

The following segment was the big ol' talking segment to set up the main event as out came Big Show & Seth Rollins, accompanied by Kane, Noble & Mercury. Seth talked about how he hated Xmas and at TLC, he would be the one to take everything away from John Cena. And the most delicious part was that he didn't need to make Cena tap, although he could make him if he wanted. He didn't need to pin Cena, again. But all he needs to do was repeat what he did on Monday. Put him through a table and leave him with nothing but splinters in his ass.

Kane, Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble and for some reason Joey Mercury standing really close tot he camera to seem bigger...

Big Show talked about how he had been in thousands of matches. Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Hardcore...everything. But he would be in a Stairs match at the PPV. And as a giant, he could pick the stairs up and swing them at Rowan, electing to show us rather than tell us, going out and smashing the top half of the stairs around a bit. Show said he didn't care of Rowan was a genius, nothing would prepare him for their match at TLC.

Kane got to talk about Ryback. He said that when he faced Ryback at TLC the only thing he would be eating is chair after chair after chair after chair after chair after chair after chair...At this point, Santino came out again and booked a main event of Rollins & Show vs. Ryback & Rowan.

Right before the main event, Rollins & Show had a conflab that they were on the same page. Kane walked in and said they had to stick together as they were what's left of The Authority. Show said there was no unit and they were the most selfish guys around and only cared about themselves. So they only thing they needed to be on the same page about was getting rid of Ryback & Rowan before than.

As for the match itself, it was kinda smartly booked as even though it only just over 10 minutes,after some early dominance by Ryback & Rowan, the heels managed to take control of Ryback for a time. Ryback broke free of a chokeslam attempt and tagged in Rowan (which for a "Hot tag" was met with near silence), only for Rowan to lose control of the match, leading to Show & Rollins beating on "Big Red" for a while. Rowan managed to make the second hot tag to Ryback when Rowan avoided an elbow drop.

Ryback went to work on Rollins, drawing Jamie & Joey onto the apron, although they were knocked off. It allowed Seth to get the drop on Ryback, but he avoided it and hit a spinebsuter. Kane then got on the apron, but was knocked off. Rollins hit an enziguri to down Ryback, but at this point, Kane was back on the apron and the ref ejected him, but he wouldn't leave, drawing out other referees to get him down. While this was happening, Rollins made a tag to Big Show. However, as the ref (John Cone) didn't see it, he declared Rollins was still the legal guy. Rowan got rid of Big Show, allowing Ryback to give Rollins the Meat Hook and Shellshock for the win.

Yeah, Jamie, help out your buddy Joey!

Marella's only other appearance on the show was not long before the main event, as he did a Godfather-bit with The Bunny. The Bunny was funny. Marella...not so much.

So I may as well mention the other part of the show that just had me despairing. Brie Bella vs Naomi with Nikki in her sister's corner and, yes, AJ Lee on commentary acting like this was all beneath her, thinking she was cleverer and funnier than she is. The match itself was...fine enough outside of one hideously botched spot that they couldn't edit off for some reason. What was supposed to happen was some sort of wheelbarrow move but when Naomi launched herself into Brie for it, they just fell down. The finish saw Nikki getting on the apron as Naomi seemed to have things lined up to win, drawing AJ away from commentary to yank Nikki down, and in the confusion, Naomi rolled Brie up for the win, leaving the Bellas fuming as AJ mocked them from the stage.

Never mind Erick Rowan, it's Brie that is the true child-mind of the WWE!

Speaking of Naomi, on Monday, conveniently enough, right after her husband and his brother won a shot at the Tag Titles, The Miz sidled up to Naomi and gave her some platitudes for her music video before handing her an agent's card, angering Jimmy Uso. So it was set here that Miz was going to face Jey Uso. Earlier in the show, we saw Naomi with a bunch of flowers. Jimmy Uso walked up wondering who the flowers were from. She thought he had sent them, but it turned out to be Miz with a message of apology. So enraged was Jimmy Uso, he smashed the vase, to his wife's disappointment in a good vase getting broke and some nice flowers ruined.

Anyway, before his match with Jey, Miz asked what Jimmy's problem was, saying that an agent thought Naomi was the business. The Usos then came out and Jey could hardly keep his brother back. Before the match truly began, Miz got in Jimmy's head, causing him to repeatedly try to get in the ring, causing the referee to throw him out, leaving his brother alone. The match itself was incredibly short, with Jey in full control for all of it, outside of the finish. He hiptossed Miz from the apron, into the ring. This caused Mizdow to get on the apron and take the same fall Miz just took. As Jey went after Mizdow, Miz got the drop on Uso and hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

"I knew it was a bad idea to squat down like this, Mike..."

The Usos won those tag titles in a Tag Team Turmoil match that took place on RAW. In that series, the team of Cesaro & Tyson Kidd beat The New Day when Goldust & Stardust (who The New Day defeated in the opening match) attacked Xavier Woods to distract Kofi & Big E. for long enough to allow Kidd to roll Kofi up for the win. So those two teams had a "rematch here, with Kofi & Xavier wrestling this one.

Kofi, Big E. & Xavier guess how long their push is lasting for...

The match itself was basic but fine with Woods being worked over until he tagged in Kofi Kidd avoided Trouble In Paradise, but was hit with the SOS. Cesaro broke that up, but was dumped out, leaving Tyson to take a double stomp to the face (no really), while Tyson was over Kofi's knee. After the match, before they could celebrate too much, Goldust & Stardust appeared on the TitanTron. Cody said insanity was defined as repeating something over and over and expecting different results, questioning where The New Day's bright side was. All they could see was a never-ending abyss of darkness. Goldust said they had been awakened and their message to The New Day was that darkness would fall on them. Woods got on the mic and said darkness would not prevail before Langston said that they'd feel the power of The New Day.

There was supposed to be another match on the show of Rusev vs. Dean Ambrose. However, that match didn't exactly happen. Well, I mean it didn't happen at all. before the segment started, they recapped what happened with Zeb Colter on RAW, putting him out for a long time, leaving to a recap of Swagger's promo on Main Event, saying that everything he would do was to take the US Title from Rusev.

Ambrose came out, cutting a promo to start with, saying he took a sick pleasure in destroying Wyatt's rocking chair. It could have been Sister Abigail's. It could have been Bray's grandmother's for all he knew or cared. He just knew it was symbolic for Bray. And it was symbolic for Dean too now as it represented what he's do to Bray at TLC. And at TLC, the mind games would be over.

Lana & Rusev came out. They got to cut a promo too. Lana said Ambrose's destruction was delayed as they weren't wrestling. They wouldn't be subject to intimidation such as Swagger attacking Rusev on RAW. Lana said America was full of cowards. Rusev said that he would snap every bone in Swagger's body, like he did to Zeb Colter. He also said the US Title belonged to Mother Russia. Dean said he had tuned all that out when she said they wouldn't be competing. He was there to fight either way.

However, as he left the ring, Bray Wyatt appeared behind Ambrose, running him down. Wyatt grabbed a steel chair and while Dean put up a fight, Wyatt took control again, hitting a shot to the back for setting Dean up with the steel chair under Dean's throat before ramming it into the steel steps, giving Ambrose a proper Steamboating. They spent a long time showing medics working on getting Dean secure and taken away on a stretcher with oxygen mask.

That fan in the blue shirt has no sense of direction...unless he's perving on the woman in the front row...

Dolph Ziggler def. Luke Harper by DQ in an Intercontinental Title match
The New Day def. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro
The Miz def. Jey Uso
Naomi def. Brie Bella
Ryback & Erick Rowan def. Seth Rollins & Big Show

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