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Smackdown: Ads? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Ads!

By Aaron Wood Dec 18, 2012 - 7:36 PM print

Well, welcome to hours 7 and 8 of WWE TV in the last three days with a live, commercial-free episode of Smackdown.  On the USA Network as well, rather than Syfy.  Indeed, there's hours 9 & 10 tomorrow with Tribute To The Troops, but I can't be doing that shwo, so theis is where I hop off the train.  And while there are no ad breaks here, I will still be entering the top 10 in my "iTunes 2012 Countdown".

Tonight's "bill matter" states that the wrestling main event will be John Cena & Sheamus vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler while Mr. Ziggles and AJ Lee will be guests on MizTV.  Keep checking back for the latest updates.

We open with a video saying how we have more questions than answers in the AJ situation, and there's a new player in the mix in Big E. Langston before asking whether Big Show has proven he's the most dominant champion of all time, in an effort to promote the big tag team match.

We pretty much cold open with MizTV.  I say pretty much, because at least we saw a Smackdown graphic.  Miz said his guests did more damage at TLC than Lindsay Lohan and a moving vehicle.  And while things weren't explained last night, he was going to get answers now.  Dolph and AJ came out with Big E. Langston.  AJ kissed Dolph and he was more than happy to participate.  Indeed, he put her arm round her as they walked down the aisle.  We saw the end of RAW with Big E. Langston hitting the Big End on Cena.  So...Why?  AJ gave Miz the "really?" treatment.  AJ asked why Miz doesn't have Cena as a guest asking why he toyed with her heart.  Then you'd have an explanation.  She lost her job to keep his name clean.  But then it seemed worth it because he missed her.  THAT WON A SLAMMY!  And she thought it broguth them closer together.  The start of something beautiful.  But he was just playing with her.  She cued up the video of Vickie showing Cena the handmade bow-ties which Cena took as Vickie's shitty evidence, saying they were crappy.  Ooh... continuity.  Did Cena appreciate how long it took her to make those?  No.  Because Cena doesn't care about anyone but himself.  But we see the video of Cena telling AJ not to come to the ring for his match with Big Show a couple of week back.  Supposedly Cena was concerned about her safety, but really he just wanted to keep her hidden like a dirty secret.  Cena was supposed to be different.  Better than Bryan and Punk.  She loved them, but they used her. Cena was supposed to be better than that.  And so she helped Dolph Ziggler break John Cena.

Miz noted Dolph called her trash a couple of weeks ago, and yet he's on the crazy train.  Langston steps forward, aso Miz asks who he is.  AJ said he's a friend who doesn't like it when people say she's crazy.  Ziggler said that AJ wasn't crazy (telling her to cover her ears as he said it) but passionate, as he saw when AJ crushed John Cena and indeed earlier when she gave him the hottest kiss in the history of RAW.  So Cena can win the Slammy for Superstar Of The Year.  Ziggler didn't need them.  Not only did he keep the MITB contract, but when it came to Cena, he stole the show, and his girlfriend, just like it says on his shirt.  Miz said he hoped he could satisfy each of AJ's personalities.  Miz noted the various men she's been with, saying she settled for the six guy in One Direction.  Big E. bodyblocked Miz and then hit the Big End.   As they stood over him, AJ said "Show Off" before skipping around the ring.

We cut backstage to see Teddy Long catching up with Big Show.  Teddy had a guy he wanted Booker to look at.  Brad Maddox!  Booker was agog at this notion.  Long posited his social media following and had talent.  Who could it hurt?  Afraid of a little controversy?  Booker gave him the match, telling Long that he would find out his opponent when he gets out there.

10: Crystal Castles - "Plague"

Damien Sandow vs.Sin Cara
So I assume we're getting the reverse matches from last night and Cody takes on Rey later.  That said, after Sin Cara came out, Rey's music hit, but he was nowhere to be seen...  Nevertheless, Sin Cara got the upperhand early, causing Sandow to powder out.  When he came back in, Sin Cara quickly hit the head kick on the apron, but Cody pulled him down to allow Sandow to take control.  Sandow worked over Sin Cara, but Sin Cara had the Cubito Aequet scouted.  However, Damien stayed on top of things.  Damien set Sin Cara up on the apron and hit the point of the elbow to the chest.  This match was so exciting that the announcers were doing comedy naming people with moustaches.  Sandow missed a charge and Sin Cara started a comeback, hitting the back elbow and a headscissors.  A triple.jump crossbody scored a 2 count.  Sandow was sent out the ring, and as Cody checked on him, Sin Cara hit a suicide dive.  However, as he celebrated, The Shield quickly made their way down to the ring.  Roman Reigns produced Rey mysterio's mask.  This allowed Sandow to sneak back in and hit The Terminus for the win.

Winner:  Damien Sandow

The Shield went to work on Sin Cara.  The crowd chanted for Ryback.  Rollins went up top and hit a knee drop onto Sin Cara's knee.

Tribute To The Troops promo.

Santino Marella vs. Tensai
Tensai didn't Shockmaster his way out like last night, although we still saw it.  Santino tried running before going for a side headlock, which didn't work.  He tried to comically kip up, but it failed.  Tensai over-powered Marella, before hitting some back-hand slaps.  Santino slipped out of a powerslam and go for a German Suplex.  That didn't work.  Santino then failed at a slam, giving Tensai a 2 count.  Marella got out of a neck vice and try a crossbody.  Tensai toyed with him, but took a dropkick to rock him.  Santino went to make a comeback, scoring a bodyslam and the diving headbutt.  He wanted The Cobra, but Tensai locked in a sleeper.  Marella avoided it, but the Cobra hit the top of Tensai's head.  He downed Marella, but missed the Senton splash, with Santino getting the quick pin for the win.

Winner: Santino Marella

Cole said that Sin Cara probably had serious knee damage.  Josh asked what injustice Rey & Sin Cara had committed.

We sent it to a recap of Flair's appearance to present Superstar Of The Year, but cutting to Punk's promo and the physicality afterwards.

09: Enter Shikari - "Constellations"

Hell No is with Kofi Kingston.   Kofi is teaming with Hell No.  Kane tells Kofi to have eyes in the back of his head.  Wade Barrett is one of the opponents.  Bryan was still annoyed they didn't win the "LOL Moment" Slammy.  Kofi showed them theirs.  Kofi said Flair would win the Slammy for Best Catchphrase, which set off Bryan again.  Hey, that match is next!

Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players & vs. Hell No & Kofi Kingston
As Bryan came out last, Cole said that Mysterio had a neck injury thanks to The Shield.  Although Kofi & Titus started off, Kingston took aim right for Wade.  While he got his hands on him, O'Neil got the drop on Kofi.  Young tagged in, and Kofi came back so that Bryan could tag in.  Bryan put Young in the Mexican Surfboard before tagging in Kane, who came in with a basement dropkick for a 2 count.  Bryan tagged back in and hit the running dropkick for a 2 count.  He hit kicks in the corner, but Young came back with a stungun to take control.  Barrett tagged in and worked over DanBry in the corner.  Bryan flipped out of a back suplex and tagged in Kofi so he could get a piece of Wade.

Wade hit his signature offence, includign the Superlam shot and Boom Drop.  However, Young distracted Kofi before he could hit Trouble In Paradise.  Wade then clotheslined Kofi out so that Titus O'Neil could toss Kingston in to the guardrail.  Back in the ring, Titus, now legal, put Kingston in an abdominal stretch.  We cut to a camera shot of the stairs in the stand, clearly by accident and telegraphing a Sheild run in.  The announcers had to wonder if they were there.

Young tagged in and worked Kofi's neck.  Cole upgraded Rey's condition to a "severe nck injury" and both being sent to the hospital.  Wade tagged in and hit a short clothesline for a 2 count.  Young tagged back in again and put Kofi on the top rope, but Kofi fought him off and hit a tornado DDT.  Tags both sides to Kane and Titus.  Kane went on the offensive, with clotheslines in the corner and a side slam.  He missed the Flying CLothelsine however, and O'Neil hit Clash Of The Titus for a 2 count.  The match broke down, leaving Kane with Titus and Wade.  Wade was taken out, but the Prime Time Players wanted a double team.  But as Bryan pulled Titus out the ring, Kane chokeslammed Young for the win.

Winner:  Hell No & Kofi Kingston

Although Kane was looking around for The Shield, and despite it being telegraphed by a camera shot, there was no Shield on this occasion...

The announcers looked at the end of RAW again last night.  Backstage, Sheamus was EXPLAINING FATHER TED!  He was explaining it John Cena however, who was less than interested given the situation.  But when he explained what they were facing, Sheamus was up for a bit of that.  Sheamus wanted to know what the deal was with AJ, so Cena whispered it into his ear, with Sheamus giving all sorts of looks.  Pretty funny, actually.

CM Punk made his way to the ring with Paul Heyman.

Punk said it was now 394 days.  The longest reigns of the modern era, and in 20 years he'd be seen as the greatest of all time in the Almanacs, the fans didn't vote for him last night.  They shamefully turned the prestigous award show into a popularity contest.  Wins and losses doesn't mean much to the crowd, as the parents would send their kids to non-scoring t-ball lest anyone lose.  All they proved last night is that not only should women not get to vote but the men too.  He expected that behavious from losers.  There are winners like him and Heyman, and there are losers like the rest.  He expected more from Cena.  He knows he's not the actual Superstar Of The Year.  He knows it belongs to Punk.  But does he hustle to be loyal and show respect?  Nope, he sucked up to a man only he sees as a legend and gave it to Flair.

Punk wanted the fans to Woo and support the relics who take thespotlight from the young lions just to pay their alimony.  What's more impressive than winning a title 16 times?  Winning it once and not losing it for near 400 days.  Flair is a loser.  He's lost more title fights than he's won, and in title fights, Punk does not lose.  Not to Cena.  Not to Ryback.  Punk was a REAL man.  He was the Gold Standard and set the bar so high, no-one could reach it.  And Punk is in the building, unlike everyone else who'd be sucking down the pain-pills.  And hey, no-one else is entertaining in Pittsburgh, unlike the striking Penguins.  He's not been on strike.  He's carried the damn company.  And next year, no-one was gonna beat him for the title.  Not Cena, Ryback, Flair or The Rock.

Ryback came out to the ring.  Punk hopped around, holding his crutches out for distance as Ryback circled the pair.  Heyman noted that he wasn't cleared to compete.  ryback said he had his sights set on the first RAW of next year when he became WWE Champion.  So yeah, that'll be the postponed title match on January 7th.  May well pop a rating that if the Hell In A Cell numbers are anything to go by.

08: Jack White - "Love Interruption"

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro
This is, obviously, a rematch from last night.  Ryback knocked Cesaro out the ring right away.  He got back in, but had a sunset flip blocked, so Ryback rammed his head off the mat.  Cesaro kicked at the knee and hit an upperercut, but Ryback came back with a Thesz Press and a big splash.  He wanted the Meat Hook, but Cesaro decided to take a walk again.  Ryback went to press slam him back in the ring just like last night, but Cesaro escaped and shoved him into the steel steps.  Ryback only just beat the 10 count, getting back in at 9.

In the ring, Cesaro worked a Cobra Clutch-like hold, but Ryback wasn't long for getting out.  He missed a charge and Cesaro came off the second rope with a European Uppercut for a 2 count.  Doublestomp to the chest picked up a 2 count before he put on a European headlock.  Ryback got out and got angry.  Backdrop and spinebuster was then followed with the Meat Hook.  Ryback called for the Shell Shock and hit it for the win.

Winner: Ryback

Tribute To The Troops preview showing The Miz trainign to ride in a F-18 plane.

Backstage, Kaitlyn was caught up with by AJ Lee.  Kaitlyn wanted to walk off, but AJ wanted to knwo what the issue was.  Kaitlyn said AJ kept doing it over and over and made it hard to be her friend.  AJ started crying, but when Kaitlyn tried to comfort her, she showed she was faking.  Kaitlyn went to walk off but AJ asked if she was choosing a title match over her friend.  Kaitlyn said she was choosing a title match over a lunatic.  They engaged in a brief brawl before AJ was carted off by referees.

Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn for the Divas Title
Eve took it to the "dishevelled" Kaitlyn right away.  eve put her boot in Kaitlyn's face before hititng a flipping senton for a 2 count.  She stretched Kaitlyn out in the ropes.  She rammed Kaitlyn's face into the ring apron before working a neck and arm lock in the ring.  Kaitlyn got out, but hit a Downward Spiral for a 2 count.

Eve went back to the combo hold, but Kaitlyn snapmared out of it, ebfore scoreing a roll up for a 2 count.  She then cradled Eve for another 2.  Whip into the corner by Eve.  Kaitlyn fought her back and got a sunset flip for a 2 count.  Kaitlyn hit a scoop slam and shoulder tackle for a 2 count.  Kaitlyn then hit a reverse DDT for another 2 count.  Kaitlyn wanted her gutbuster, but Eve grabbed the ropes and went to the apron.  Kaitlyn kicked her down and then gave her a Thesz Press off the apron.  After ramming Eve's head into the desk, Kaitlyn rolled her back in.  She headed up top, but Eve held onto the referee's legs before actually tripping him for the DQ,

Winner by DQ:  Kaitlyn (Eve retains the title)

AJ was complaining  about Kaitlyn.  Dolph said she was with a future World Champion.  Big Show walked in and said his Xmas would be spent in a body cast if he pulled what he tried last night.  Show threatened to knock Ziggler so far into the future that his contract will have expired.

07: Enter Shikari - "Arguing With Themometers"

The announcers talked about what happened between Sheamus & Big Show last night, leaving Big Show laying after some massive chair shots, allowing Ziggler to try to cash in only for Cena to put a stop to that.

Brad Maddox came out and said his name over and over again.  He said nobody in the arena or watching around the world would ever forget his name as he would win his match tonight and become a WWE superstar.

Brad Maddox vs. Brodus Clay
Maddox tried to get the drop on Clay by getting the ref to check his elbow pads.  Didn't work.  Clay pounded on Maddox as we saw Booker & Teddy watching.  Brad did catch Clay in the ropes before kicking Clay in the head for a 2 count.  The ref pulled him off while he was hitting elbows while Clay was in the ropes, and as Maddox bitched him out, Clay started his comeback, hitting the t-bone suplex, headbutt and the big splash for the win.

Winner:  Brodus Clay

After the match, The Shield attacked Clay.  They hit the Triple Powerbomb on Clay in the ring.

06: Santigold - "Disperate Youth"

Dolph Ziggler & Big Show vs. John Cena & Sheamus
Ziggler came out with both AJ & Big E. Langston.  As Sheamus came out, they announced that next week's RAW, on Xmas Eve, would be guest hosted by SANTA CLAUS!  Like that fat sod isn't busy enough that night.

Cena and Ziggler started.  Dolph ducked a clothesline and showed off but turned round into a shot by Cena.  Big Show tagged in and threw fists at Big Show, but it was Show who downed him.  Cena avoided the chop in the corner, but took a spear.  Show took the ref as Ziggler got a cheapshot in.  After working Cena over some more, Ziggler tagged in and hit nearly a dozen elbow drops.  Ziggler put on a rest hold, but Cena escaped with a backdrop.  However, Big Show tagged in first and cut Cena off.  He squashed Cena in the corner.  Ziggler tagged in, but missed a splash in the corner and Sheamus was tagged in.  Sheamus hit the clubs in the ropes, but elected to knock Show off the apron rather then hit White Noise.  Sheamus wanted the Cloverleaf on Ziggler but Dolph kicked Sheamus out the ring, where Big Show knocked him down to re-take control of the match.  Indeed, there's still 10 minutes on the clock.

Big Show came in legally and worked Sheamus over, concentrating on Sheamus' shoulder. Sheamus got out of a hold, but took a bodyblock.  Dolph tagged back in again and after a slugfest, hit the Fameasser for a 2 count.  Big Show tagged back in and hit the Final Cut for a 2 count.  Sheamus wanted to tag, but Sheamus cut him off and went for a chokeslam.  However, Sheamus countered with a DDT.  Cena got the crowd going to try and make the tag.  Ziggler tagged in first, but couldn't stop Sheamus as Cena came in and unloaded on Ziggler with his signature offence.

The AA was cut off by Big Show.  Sheamus clotheslined Big Show out of the ring as the pair started fighting up the aisle.  The AA was countered with a ZigZag, but Dolph only picked up a deuce.  The AA connected, but Big E. Langston got in the ring and body checked Cena before hitting the Big End on Cena once again for the DQ.

Winners by DQ:  Sheamus & John Cena

AJ & Dolph then made over over Cena's dead body.  Langston watched.  Not in a kinky way.  In a "I just killed Cena and now I'm looking stoically evil" way.  They bought a little time showing replays before the show ended with a Tribute To The Troops plug.  Which we're not seeing in the UK.  Live anyway.  Dunno who is gonna get to cover it here, but there should be someone.

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