By James Guttman, James Bullock, and Dan Crocker Dec 14, 2016 - 10:21 AM
It's time for another edition of "The Question" - We Want Insanity's weekly answer to something we all have our own opinion on. See what we have to say and then share your own. That's what questions like this are for...
There are some awesome holiday comedy songs. From Police Stop My Car to the 12 Pains of Christmas and back, it’s always good to take a break from the serious nature of the Little Drummer Boy and laugh your way through the end of the year.
That is why when someone doesn’t want to celebrate, I say to them, “Merry F**king Christmas”. That’s what Matt Stone and Trey Parker taught me. Nearly 20 years old, the South Park Christmas Playlist still gets me. Narrowly beating Christmastime in Hell, I have to go with the anthem that takes festive snark to a new level and demands that the whole world join in on the egg nog. It may not be Safe For Work, but it’s hilarious. Take it away, President-Elect Garrison.
It’s hard to believe it’s already that time of the year again where chestnuts are roasting over an open fire, rich people are shooting up homemade gingerbread houses in fits of jealousy and anger over being insulted, and, of course, buying a bunch of stuff people may or may not appreciate by the months end, let alone throughout the next year. Then there’s the singing. As a person who once participated in a practical concert in the mall not far from my home alongside my 4th grade class many years ago during the height of the holiday season, I have an affinity for certain Christmas songs due to the simple fact my friends and I would start batting back & forth parody versions of everything we were planning to sing. So what better one to love more than my first (that I can consciously remember), the “Batman smells” version of “Jingle Bells”? Seriously, it has all things needed to make a child (or even a man-child) laugh: a pair of superheroes being smelly (one by association), Robin ironically laying an egg (that could be a double entendre in regards to the next line), and The Joker getting away just in time to run amuck in Gotham for the holidays (and what kid doesn’t like his Christmas ruined by a psychopathic clown?). I don’t know exactly if I heard first courtesy of friends or Bart Simpson, but no matter what I know that whenever the real version of “Jingle Bells” comes on its getting the remix treatment courtesy of yours truly because in my world Batman never washes his suit and Robin’s stuck on the toilet a lot.
I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. The songs, all the money it takes, the cards, the work parties, friend parties and family parties. It's too much. The whole damn thing seems to start about October first now. I haven't always been such a Grinch though. As a kid, I loved Christmas. We had no money then. Some people might have even called us trash—what with the car frames in the yard and all. But my Dad loved Christmas and no matter how little money we had, he always made them good. We'd have excellent food, dad would string up some fire-hazard of a light display and somehow my parents always managed to, if not get me everything I wanted, get me at least one thing that I really, really wanted—like an awesome Ewok village one year, which would probably be worth a lot of money now if my mom hadn't thrown it away several years later because it was “junk.”
I also loved Christmas when my kids were young—mostly because they loved it so much. They're grown now and every day is Christmas for them while they sit upstairs and eat all my food. We all are back in the same house for the first time in some years though, so I've decided to give up my Scrooge ways and get back into the Christmas spirit. I'm not going to be bitter about that Ewok village anymore, or the time my sister stepped on and broke my X-Wing fighter about five minutes after I got it out of the package.
My song isn't a traditional parody, but it's a funny, non-traditional Christmas song nonetheless. Some might consider it a little risque, but I think it's beautiful in its own way. A group of damaged people come together, self-medicate and end up having a great holiday. Robert Earl Keene is an under-known songwriter who is probably best known among other songwriters. This Christmas classic is probably his biggest selling (thought not best) song. I give you, “Merry Christmas From the Family.”
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