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The Question: Who's Wrestling's Greatest Monster?

By James Guttman, James Bullock, and Dan Crocker Oct 27, 2016 - 8:57 AM print


It's time for another edition of "The Question" - We Want Insanity's weekly answer to something we all have our own opinion on. See what we have to say and then share your own. That's what questions like this are for...

Who’s Wrestling Greatest Monster?

James Guttman:

There are a few ways to interpret wrestling’s best “monster”. Of course, there’s supernatural beings like The Undertaker or Kane. You have the real life choice of Chris Benoit or the political jokes of Vince McMahon and Triple H. There are hardcore monsters like Abdullah The Butcher or The Original Sheik. Short story long, there are tons of monsters around here.

andre.jpg

All of them pale in comparison to the nightmare-inducing stare of Andre the Giant circa 1988. Nothing freaked me out more than Andre’s face, teeth, voice, and gargantuan frame. As a kid, I was convinced that if I ever met him, he’d eat me.

Early Andre was somewhat friendly. He would wave and pick his giant afro. But by the time the Giant hit his twilight heel years, he was downright terrifying. During his ClubWWI.com interview, Bobby Heenan told me all about the terrors of Andre and how he could do whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted. There wasn’t one part of that guy that didn’t scare the crap out of you.

As he got older, his bones got weaker. He walked slower and, crazy enough, that only made it worse. He was a cross between Jason Voorhies and a monster from Silent Hill. I was scared of Andre The Giant in 1988 and, even though he died in 1993, I’m still scared of him today.

I mean, hell, look at this…


James Bullock:

It’s amazing when I started thinking about my answer to this week’s question so many names popped into my head, only to realize that booking had destroyed what could’ve been the greatest successful monsters I’ve ever seen. Kane – a raging pyromaniac who hated his brother for leaving him for dead turned into a necrophiliac that was never burned and become his brother’s punching bag. Yokozuna – couldn’t stand up to a man with a metal plate in his arm, beat post-steroids Hulk Hogan without a magical exploding camera, or stand on the top rope while posing without falling like Humpty Dumpty. Abyss – a Mankind-Kane hybrid who eventually believed Hogan’s Hall of Fame ring had magical powers. Even The Undertaker had a moment of character weakness as he transformed into a redneck biker. Then it hit me – there’s no greater monster in wrestling history than Mr. McMahon.

vince.jpg
Now don’t think I’m making this my answer on the merit of Vince McMahon monopolizing wrestling and having his son-in-law become one of the most dominant stars of all time while ravaging the rest of his own roster – I’m judging solely on the fact Mr. McMahon is a despicable character through and through. Look no further than how the character started as he gloated in “screwing” Bret Hart while justifying his actions as honorable (one of the truest traits of a masterful villain as he can convince you that he is actually right). The same thing happened as he began his feud with Steve Austin as he became more and more treacherous in his ways of simply forcing the top prize from a man he deemed dishonorable and not the type of person who should be the face of what was once a family friendly company. As the years progressed, Mr. McMahon became a victim of his own power as it essentially corrupted his morale compass. McMahon had The Undertaker abduct his own daughter and perform a “Black Wedding” to trick Austin, had an affair with a woman he publicly humiliated by having her strip in the ring while his catatonic wife watched from her wheelchair, and nearly choked the life out of his own offspring (both son and daughter). Knowing he could do whatever he wanted, Mr. McMahon became fearless and didn’t care even if his actions resulted in his own physical harm. Seriously, this man walked up to Roman Reigns and kicked him square in the nuts. Would you do that without a concern that your life would end that day or soon after? Mr. McMahon is wrestling’s greatest monster because he could and still can do whatever he wants and uses that power to antagonize in the most disturbing ways possible rather than help those who want nothing more than to make their dreams come true while working for this sadistic man.


Dan Crocker:

It was late October during an exceptionally cool Fall. The trees had long turned and had already lost most of their leaves. I had decided to get a little bit of fishing in before it was too late. Now, I like catfish—partly because they are delicious to fry but mostly because it's the easiest kind of fishing one can do while drinking can after can of Old Milwaukee's Light. It was dusk when I headed out. I hiked a fair distance into the woods to get to a small lake, privately owned by a friend of mine. It wasn't a bad walk. The weather was very cool and the path through the dark woods was illuminated by a full moon.

boogey.jpg

I'm kind of a simple old country man, so I don't get too fancy with my fishing. I opened a beer, sat down in my camping chair and put a fat earth worm on my hook. I didn't even get a bite the first hour, but I expected it as it was so late and the weather was so chilly. After a while, I dozed off for a bit. It may have just been the Old Milwaukee's, but it was a fitful sleep. I awoke with a cold beads of sweat covering my forehead. Somewhere, in the dark expanse of the woods, what might have just been the wind whispered, “I'm coming to getcha!”

My pole started to bend. I barely got hold of it before it was drug into the lake. I had hooked something big. Whatever it was danced at the end of my line in fits and starts like a madman. As I fought to reel it in, the moon went behind a dense patch of clouds. Suddenly, I was in pitch darkness. Still, I keep reeling and reeling. Eventually, I pulled in my catch.

I still couldn't make it out, but even on shore I could tell how big it was by the way it twitched and flopped and sputtered. Hands trembling, I reached into my pocket for my trusty Zippo. I lit it and there he was. The Boogeyman.

“What the H?” I asked.
“You know me,” he said. “I'll do anything for a worm”

Seriously, the Boogeyman always creeped me out a bit.






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