Where were you on February 3, 1998? That’s probably a hard question for many of you to answer (especially if you weren’t born yet). But I remember that date distinctly. On But I remember that date distinctly. On that day I was in my junior high/middle school cafeteria seeing a guy one grade higher than me wearing a shirt depicting this fat kid screaming the word, “Beefcake!” By asking my upperclassman I would come to find out who this kid on his shirt was and what cartoon it came from. One night later, I watched my first episode of “South Park” (the “Damien” episode that featured the son of Satan coming to Earth while his father threw a boxing match against Jesus to win a bunch of Christ-doubters’ money).
The shirt that started it all
And from that moment on, I was made a fan of what would become Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s (the show’s creators) most critically acclaimed body of work. I watched alongside others as the series evolved and tried to improve our lives with laughter and information including a near overhaul as to how the past two seasons were presented in a more serialized form. Lets find out what occurred during the historic twentieth season of “South Park”.
Get Over Yourself
“South Park” season twenty began with a look on social commentary – a different viewpoint of Colin Kaepernick’s protesting “The Star-Spangled Banner” as the girls of South Park Elementary decided to take a seat during the anthem to bring awareness that women were being cyber bullied by a misogynistic troll going by the name “Skankhunt42” on the school’s message boards. Without a real clue as to who could be pulling off such a disgusting act, the girls and boys took matters into their own hands as a great divide between the genders began.
Eric Cartman – the person everyone in school believed was really Skankhunt42 – went on a crusade to expose the truth about women: they were actually funny & smart. But Cartman couldn’t avoid the racism and woman-bashing actions of his past, and his presence had to be destroyed … on social media. By luring Cartman into the woods with the promise of a night featuring nothing but “Counter Strike” pawnage, Eric couldn’t stop a majority of his fellow male students from destroying every electronic device he owned. Unfortunately for the boys of South Park Elementary they were wrong about Cartman’s intentions and even being the internet troll. Without social media, Cartman became a lost individual – a damned soul destined to walk the earth without anyone to contact him through electronic means. With Cartman being identified as an innocent party in this trolling spree that was continuing and actually getting worse, the girls formulated a plan to solve their problem – a mass breakup that left every boy in South Park Elementary currently in a relationship wallowing in tears, old love notes, and the realization they were powerless in changing women’s viewpoint as to how they believe men look at them on a daily basis.
Without Cartman to help the boys figure out some type of retaliation and minds running amuck, Butters – another victim of the breakup movement – took it upon himself to rally his fellow boys and create a group dubbed “Wieners Out”. This faction of rebellious young men featured a pants-less Butters marching down the school hallways with other unclothed boys expressing their contempt in regards to the defamation of men by women making males feel embarrassed for being who and what they are. While all of this was going on, Cartman found a fellow lost soul in the world of social media – the first girl to take a seat in protest, Heidi Turner. Turner proved to the best of both worlds for Cartman – a girl who could add a layer of truth to his newfound beliefs that girls are smart & funny that essentially helped end his time on social media, and someone who understood how to live in the world without being on Twitter all hours of the day. Sadly for Cartman, his past still wanted to haunt him as the voicing of his opinion on the internet about how terrible “The Ghostbusters” all-female remake was would eventually be exposed thanks to the institution of a single website available to the world, “TrollTrace.com”.
Determined to leave this planet, Eric convinced his girlfriend that life on Earth was coming to an end and only Mars would provide safe haven. The rather insane and understandably childish plan gave way to a shocking truth for Cartman as Butters revealed what had been explained to him by former United States President and hopeful First Gentleman Bill Clinton – women are sick of men. Putting two & two together, Cartman had to figure out a way to stop the girl he believed was smarter and funnier than anyone from starting a civilization on Mars built on the backs of men, their jokes, and, of course, their semen.
The Hunt For Skankhunt42
“Is my child a troll?” – that was the question being posed to every parent in South Park Elementary after the actions of Skankhunt42 were creating such an emotional and even physical disruption (the latter seeing the likes of Heidi Turner quitting Twitter and Cartman having all of his electronic devices destroyed). Though a great mystery around the town and even the internet, the viewer was exposed to the person behind the keyboard by the first episode’s end, Kyle’s dad Gerald Broflovski. Sipping on wine and jamming out to “Smokin’” by Boston, Gerald relished in his immature actions that included photoshopping penises in people’s mouths.
The “lulz” Gerald gained actually spurred outrage beyond his quiet, little mountain town as he started making the news after e-attacking a Danish-originated breast cancer awareness website created by Olympic gold medallist and breast cancer survivor Freja Ollegard. With the acknowledgement of his actions through TV news mediums and Ollegard disregarding Gerald’s actions as those of someone wallowing in the misery of still living with his parents and having no social life, the Broflovski patriarch upped his antics to the point Freja committed suicide. Shaken emotionally to the core and notes appearing on his property in acknowledgment that someone knows who Skankhunt42 truly was, Gerald went “Protocol 0” by destroying his computer and phone in hopes of keeping his identity safe and avoiding prison.
Thankfully for Gerald, a group of internet trolls headed by a man with the screen name of “Dildo Schwaggins” were the people responsible for scaring their mutual cyber antagonist. Dildo and his fellow trolls wanted Skankhunt to help them take down TrollTrace as the program would reveal every troll’s internet history and, most importantly, their identities and addresses. Gerald, in “final” mission, went on a trolling march alongside his brethren to make the world dislike not only TrollTrace and its creator Lennart Bedrager, but also the entire country of Denmark. The cyber assault was a success in delaying the release of TrollTrace, but further exposed Gerald to those who wanted to use his power for their own benefit including the American government. After distancing himself from the trolls whom he believed were worst people than him, Gerald was asked to help his country physically takedown internet program by infiltrating the TrollTrace headquarters and shutting it down after the program’s limits were tested out and ended in the destruction of Fort Collins, Colorado (and one of the trolls who worked with Broflovski with the screen name of “MLKKK”).
He’s burning bright!
Unfortunately for Gerald it was all a ploy to allow the Danish to punish the trolls who abused them online in exchange TrollTrace wouldn’t be used again. Desperate and determined that his wife never find out the truth, Gerald confided in the one person who “understood” where he was coming from in regards to trolling, what “guy talk” is all about, and had the intelligence to get his e-balls out of the fire: his young son Ike. Giving Ike his username and password, Gerald ignored the rickrolling style of torture the Danish was unleashing on him and his fellow trolls and sent Ike on a rampage across the internet to put the blame on someone the public wouldn’t condemn in the same manner as him if everyone could figure out his identity through either TrollTrace or Heidi Turner’s “Emoji Analysis” formula that actually helped TrollTrace get off the ground when Cartman and Heidi couldn’t solve the gender wars with a bake sale and realized that exposing Skankhunt42 was the only way to help everyone.
The plan started working in Gerald’s favor as his wife caught Ike mid-trolling, but Kyle – who had wavered in his quest to discover Skankhunt’s identity as his school’s gender wars were becoming overbearing and manipulating his sense of morality – soon realized the truth; and had to do something drastic to save his family. Gerald, on the other hand, found himself simply sitting across a table from Bedrager trying to explain the reasons behind his actions – being a satirist and edgy while pointing on the hypocrisies of society – to save his own life. Little did Skankhunt42 know that in an area housing Bedrager and himself, Gerald wasn’t the biggest troll in the room. In truth, Bedrager wasn’t a Dane, but some random imposter who just simply wanted to witness the whole world go completely crazy seeing the results of their private actions being presented for everyone to see.
Hello, President Douche
The nineteenth season of “South Park” saw a drastic change in the character of Mr. Garrison. Not since the time Herbert Garrison decided to have a sex change did he make such a transformation than his time as the face of an anti-illegal Canadian immigration movement during season nineteen. After being fired from teaching the fourth grade at the hands of PC Principal and writing his eventual hit song “Where My Country Gone”, Garrison campaigned against illegal immigration with the simple, yet effective plan of “f***ing them all to death” – a strategy that started at the expense of a Donald Trump-like Canadian President. With support from likeminded people around the country and Caitlyn Jenner, Mr. Garrison put his name on the ballot to become the next President of the United States. Months passed, Mr. Garrison got more orange in complexion, and the people of America continued to support a political agenda based in bigotry. But there was one big problem: neither Mr. Garrison nor Caitlyn Jenner had a clue what to do if and when this out-of-nowhere success story turned into a reality.
Way in over his head, “Giant Douche” went on the warpath in hopes of sabotaging his own campaign – from insulting the National Anthem to literally telling the world that he was a terrible person who would blow the country up before his term ended. Unfortunately for Garrison, his final opponent in this new quest to lose was a “Giant Turd” of a candidate – a woman so oblivious to her opponent’s actions that she couldn’t even change strategies on the fly when he was trying to verbally hand the victory to her during a live debate.
After much analysis as to what could ruin his chances to win, the potential U.S. President went on a tangent about sexually assaulting women. For the first time in his campaign, the people were starting to see the truth in regards to whom Garrison was and what he was attempting to accomplish. Literally running away from an angry mob of supporters, Mr. Garrison ran into a recovery group headed by Randy Marsh to help people get control of the season’s greatest introduction, Member Berries. Member Berries – the physical manifestation of a bloated, lazy society trying to rehash the past and living on the selective greatness those times produced while ignoring the worst parts.
In a shocking twist, Member Berries had a consciousness and were adamant that Mr. Garrison won. Poisoning and mind controlling both Garrison & Jenner, Member Berries helped people apparently forget all of Garrison’s transgressions and gave him, arguably, the most important position in the world. Drunk on Member Berries & power, sporting a new head of hair, and perfecting his “stank face”, Garrison made those whom did him wrong in the past fix his problem of having dry penis. And after all the showboating, the harsh reality of his current situation came crashing down on Garrison as he was thrust in the middle of a technological crusade about to give way to World War III without any idea how to settle things in an effective manner. Thankfully for President Garrison, he had someone trying to make things right even if it meant this unidentified savior would infuriate the woman who gave birth to him.
Dawning of a New Age
After putting everything together – Heidi’s emoji analysis revealing Skankhunt42 was actually an adult, Ike getting caught red-handed trolling, and Cartman not being the person behind the internet antagonizing – Kyle put together a plan of attack that would, hopefully, stop World War III with one goal in mind: overloading the TrollTrace website. Going on a trolling rampage under his father’s screen name, Kyle (with Ike coaching him on) harassed every ethnicity, gender and sexuality under the sun in hopes of achieving his goal. When the government got wind of Kyle’s actions they threw their full support behind the endeavor. But trolling could only do so much in regards to something so powerful like TrollTrace.
As Kyle went on his crusade, his father and the Gerald-led trolls captured in the heart of TrollTrace HQ tried to assist his son after being alerted about the venomous cyber assault. Gerald, clothing himself in traditional Danish attire, made his way to the TrollTrace servers in hopes of shutting the system down. Of course Gerald’s actions alerted a celebrating Bedrager – leading to another argument between the two over the merits of their actions (Gerald essentially being out-trolled by Bedrager and refusing to admit how “bro” Lennart really was in this situation) that eventually turned into a literal fight to the death that Gerald won in Jedi-like fashion. Unfortunately, shutting down TrollTrace physically wasn’t enough to stop the threat; let alone wipe clean the browsing history already exposed – as evident when Sheila Broflovski discovered Ike really wasn’t the person responsible for trolling under the “Skankhunt42” pseudonym. There was only one way to save the world from total annihilation: tear the internet asunder. Thankfully for everyone currently alive there was one girl who just so happened to be really smart and really funny.
Heidi Turner was taken to the SpaceX facility by her boyfriend Cartman in hopes of the latter getting himself and his girlfriend to Mars. But the power needed to produce such a trip was beyond the research and works of scientists headed by Elon Musk. In a shocking turn of events, Heidi proved her high level of intelligence by using her emoji analysis to figure out the formula that would create a massive source of energy – enough to send anyone to Mars if they wanted. Cartman – blinded by the confusion placed in his mind courtesy of Butters (and second handily Bill Clinton) – reached into the depths of his true nature to manipulate the lady in his life and get her (and all the SpaceX employees) out of the facility so the United States government could acquire the energy Heidi helped create to literally blow up the internet and SpaceX (just in time to stop Sheila from seeing the true nature of her husband’s actions online).
Though killed in hopes of defending his greatest creation, Bedrager was proven right in regards to humanity in a world where the internet is widely available. When the internet was restored and an elderly man was given the honor to send out the first e-mail of “Internet 2.0”, his message was simple and a pure example as to why we’re all trolls on the internet.