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JG's 12/27/04 Raw Insanity: Beating The Clock

By James Guttman Dec 27, 2015 - 9:39 AM print


Originally Published December 28, 2004


Regis Philbin: Welcome back everyone to New Year's Rockin' Eve! I'm Regis Philbin, filling in for Dick Clark this year. Don't worry if you miss Dickie, we have so many guests here that it's absolutely insane! It's madness! Joining us in the madness this year are the superstars from World Wrestling Entertainment. Put your hands together and join me in welcoming from the WWE…Undertaker, Chris Jericho, Mohammed Hassan, Khrosow Daivari, and Rob Van Dam! Welcome guys, come on in.

Wrestlers enter the scene. They are all carrying skateboards - except Undertaker

Chris Jericho: It's great to be here, Reeg.

Regis: What's with the skateboards, fellas?

Jericho: Johnny Ace has made it mandatory that we all take skateboards to and from the arenas. He said that's what professionals should do.

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Regis: Sounds peachy. What do you think about that, Rob? Uh, Rob? (looking around) Where's Rob Van Dam, guys?

Jericho: Mr. McMahon told him that he was going to Times Square and then told the pilot to fly to Iraq. Vinnie said that's the only way he'll learn.

Regis: Oh my God. Skateboards, Iraq…talk about a strange work environment.

Undertaker: (annoyed) Enough of that. We should talk about me.

Regis: OK, what's up, Taker? What's been happening in the land of the Dead lately?

Taker: See that ball up there, Regis?

Taker points to the New Year's Ball. It is hanging high above Times Square

Regis: Sure do. What about it?

Taker: That ball is my yard.

Regis: Uh…your…

Taker: Yard. It's my yard.

Regis: Oh, I understand! Metaphorically, of course. It's your yard in the symbolic sense. I gotcha.

Taker: Meta-what? It's my yard, as in my yard. I bought me some patio furniture and a slip and slide for it.

Regis: How do you plan on getting up there?

Taker: I'm the Undertaker. I'm like a superhero with a leather cowboy hat. Don't question me. OK, I'm off to go chill on my yard. Rest in… Peace Out, boy.

Taker runs off and begins climbing the pole attached to the New Year's Ball

Regis: Well, that was interesting. The Taker is off to barbeque on the ball. That's got to be a first. Speaking of surprising situations, no one expected to see Mohammed Hassan and Khrosow Daivari. You gentlemen seem a bit out of place here at Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Mohammed Hassan: Oh sure. I hear you, Regis. Out of place? Out of place?! We used to be…uh… In of place. We used to fit right in with everyone else!. Everything was fair for us…until 9/11. (pause) Nah…I'm only kidding! Ha ha. We're off the clock. This is friggin' awesome. I'm having a wicked sick time, man! Yeah! I got like ten chicks to flash me some bewbs! (screaming off into the crowd) Yo! I'm on TV! Hey, honey! Yes! You! I'm a celebrity! Show me your goodies! Oh yeah! Whoo-hoo! Whip 'Em Out Wednesday! Yeah!

Regis: Well, uh…glad to see you letting your hair down. You must feel deeply about an event like this one. After all, your gimmick is an edgy one. You basically represent all the persecuted Arab-Americans that feel left out by today's society. Essentially, you're taking their grief and championing their cause.

Mohammed: Look, Regis, this is WWE. They thought I looked really "ethnic" and faxed over a list of gimmicks. I could either have been an angry Arab-American, a cab driver, or Babu 7-11 - The Egyptian with X-Ray Vision. I chose choice A. What would you have chosen?

Regis: Hmmm. Probably Babu 7-11.

Mohammed: Is that your final answer? Ahahahahha! Oh, man! That was awesome! I've always wanted to do that.

Regis: Well, now you did. Take care, fellas.

Khrosow Daivari: Smell you later.

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Daivari and Hassan run jump into the people below and crowd surf. Daivari starts to sing Limp Biskit songs in Farsi

Regis: So the Undertaker is climbing the pole to get to his "yard" while Daivari and Hassan do some beer bongs. That just leaves you and me, Y2J.

Jericho: That's right, Daddio! I am one bad mama jama! I'm the Ayatollah of Rock-n-Rolla! Also, I'm one sexy beast! I promise you one thing, you sanctimonious son-of-a-bitch. Y2J is here and New Year's Eve will never…e-e-e-e-ver be the same, ag-ay-n!

Regis: Haha, keep going. I love those Jericho catchphrases.

Jericho: (caught off guard) Oh. You want more? Well, um. I, uh, I mean, Chris Jericho is …uh, the, umm, greatest guy who, uh…who, uh.. have big muscle winning guy with…uh, look - I'm sorry. I'm out of catch phrases.

Regis: That's OK, Chris. There are other things that you could do. Are you and your band Fozzy going to perform for us tonight?

Jericho: No, Regis. No, we're not. We applied for a performance pass. I sent the government office our last album, but we were rejected. They said that me offering to sing on New Years was like a terrorist threat.

Regis: Wow. That's pretty harsh.

Jericho: Actually, it's some of the most positive feedback I've had yet.

Regis: Well, sorry to hear that, Chris. We're just a few minutes from the big moment. The ball is getting ready to fall. Wait, what the…that's the Undertaker. He's actually mowing the ball! Now he's jumping up and down!

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Taker: (screaming and jumping) Get off my property! You're all in my yard!

Regis: That ball is going to collapse. He better stop.

Taker: (continuing to jump and scream) You kids! Get the hell off my lawn! Get off my…ahhhhh!

The ball collapses under Taker's weight. It plummets to the Earth. The people in Times Square start to cry.

Regis: Oh no. Folks, Undertaker and the ball have dropped 500 feet. He's got to be dead, ladies and gentlemen.

Taker: (standing up from rubble) I'm OK! Hey everyone, I'm alright. Look. I'm standing up. Nothing hurts me.

Jericho: (mumbling) God. He won't even sell that.

Regis: It looks like New Years is ruined. The Undertaker has apparently dropped the ball this year.

Johnny Ace: (suddenly appearing on camera) Oh no. Undertaker didn't do anything. We're gonna blame Rob Van Dam for this one. Don't worry. Vince's orders. By the way, I just wanted to remind everyone that I fined Chris Jericho for violating the dress code a few months back.

Regis: Uh, OK. Sorry folks, New Years is ruined. The Undertaker…errrr, I mean Rob Van Dam has ruined New Year's Rockin' Eve. I guess 2005 will be more of the same. Skateboards, dress shirts, and all out fun. Join me tomorrow on Live when Kelly and I will be joined by Triple H. He'll spend the hour kissing his own hand and telling us bad things about the Rock. Happy New Year, everyone.

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New Year coming. Same games to play. It's your final chance to get Raw in 2004, people. How are you gonna spend it? How about with the combustible elements that make up New Year's Revolution's Elimination Chamber? Who will win? Triple H? Randy Orton? Chris Jericho? Chris Benoit? Edge? Dave Batista? Wilber Schwartz? Well, probably not Wilber Schwartz because he's not actually in the match. It's just a name I made up. The other guys will be, though. Which one of them will win? Want to know? We don't know yet, but we can try to figure things out. Let's party like it's 2004. Grab your slip and slide, sound your horns, and mow your New Year's Balls. It's all about Monday Night Raw!

Vignette aired hyping New Year's Revolution featuring the Elimination Chamber or, as my fiancée called it "Again with that stupid thing?"

Eric Bischoff is here and he's wearing a striped shirt. They say that stripes are slimming - not in all cases. Uncle Eric looked like a basketball. Anyway, Bisch has arrived to make some decisions. In two weeks we're going to have New Year's Revolution. The match will be an Elimination Chamber. Essentially, each guy is in a chamber and they randomly enter the contest at timed intervals. Needless to say, the last man out will be in the best position to win. That final spot is a coveted one. Let's make things interesting, shall we? All six men involved in that match will be involved in what Eric Bischoff calls a "Beat the Clock Night." All will have matches. The winner of his selected match in the quickest time of the six will be the final man to enter the Elimination Chamber match. Sound good? Sounds good here. Bisch then makes the mistake of introducing Christy Hemme.

Hello. I have a $250,000 contract to ring a bell and kiss Lillian Garcia. You wish you were me.

Christy Hemme is here! I like her bangs. Why was the Hemmsters intro an error? Well, Bischy forgot to tell us what would happen if the performer loses his match. The man that beats him will step up and take his place in it, that's what! Interesting, huh? Oh wait, one more thing…there'll be a special guest referee for the Chamber. Who? Who? You'll find out later, tools. Bischoff has things to drink do. Let's get this party started with Chris Jericho!

(1) Beat the Clock Chris Jericho defeated Christian via Walls of Jericho Submission - Match Time: 10:47 Christian's entrance outfit is great. It's this shiny hooded jacket thing. Tyson Tomko was decked out in a "Captain Charisma" shirt, which Jerry Lawler informs us was a "gift" that Christian sent to all his friends for Christmas. Good match from top to bottom. This is a career-defining feud for these two guys. In years to come, people will remember that these two had a deep-rooted conflict for a while. It played out for most of the year and was built on a long-time previous partnership. Altogether, if this year did little else for these two, it gave them this. The contest itself was great. Christian took an amazing bump at one point when he was back dropped from the ring to the floor. Fans were really into things and Tyson's interference was neutralized by an alert Y2J+almost5. He finished off the CLB with the Walls of Jericho. Tian had no choice but to do the tap thing. The King of Loopholes scores the victory and sets the opening time of 10:47 


  Time to beat: 10:47 (Chris Jericho)

Backstage Triple H isn't quite as relaxed as his hair is. Batista isn't sweating his nightly duties, but Trips balks at the thought of entering into a one-on-one match with an unknown opponent. When Deacon Dave makes Gameboy feel foolish by denying any worry of his own, Hunter gets defensive. Come on, Tista. You wanna make a bet that Hunt wins his match quicker than you? Huh? Hundred bucks, pal. Put it up. Put it up! Ric Flair steps in and tries to calm the brewing storm. Relax, Gamy. You know you'll get the quickest time and Batista knows that he'll step aside and let you win. It's all good. All men look like they're in agreement, but you can never be sure. There's no honor amongst thieves. That's one of the many life lessons that we learned from Sean Mooney's commentary. I also learned that Lord Alfred Hayes was quite a party animal.

Maria is seriously a robot. I've heard computer-speaking software that sounds more human than she does when reciting lines. She asks Randy Orton if he's nervous or whatever. He's not. He's cool. Blah blah blah. Nothing to this segment at all. Ort really has no presence as a baby face. Had it not been for Maria's appalling bad performance, I'd have stopped watching as soon as it began. So, good job, Maria…or should I say "bad job, Maria." Either or. It was distractingly bad, but it was bad enough that I couldn't stop watching her. Good ol' Trainwreck Maria. Randall's music hits and he's off to Beat the Clock. Robot Girl's off to drink some motor oil and defragment her hard drive.

Commercial Break. Two worlds collide in WWE Smackdown vs. Raw for PS2. Yes. Raw vs. Smackdown - The Ultimate Battle between Mediocrity and Below Average.

"Hey there, Daniel Puder. I heard you won that Tough Enough competition.

Yeah, Maven. I won a million dollar contract! Can you believe it? What did you get for winning Tough Enough?

Oh, well, you're looking at it. I wear these little trunks and get pinned a lot. I won a little gold trophy that said "Tough Enough." That was pretty cool, I suppose. Also, the girl I shared the win with was fired a few months ago.

Yikes. Sucks to be you.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Take care. I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

 

 

(2) Beat the Clock Randy Orton pinned Maven after an RKO - Match Time: 6:14 I don't know what the deal is here. Did Maven start a push? Didn't he pin Shelton Benjamin two weeks ago? Does this kid's career move forward at all? It's like Maven doesn't move up the ladder. He sort of moves back and forth. Ortles proved that tonight. It was like the good old days for the Mavenator. Pin me. Pay me. Randy scores the duke with an RKO and sets a new time to beat.


Time to beat: 6:14 (Randy Orton)

Commercial Break. Taco Bell tells me to eat their food and "Get Full on Value." It's better than being straight up and say "Get Full on Mysterious Meat."

Raw Rewind: Lita tells us that her husband Kane's coming back soon. Right now he's convalescing at their lovely two-level home in Hell.

(3) Women's Champion Lita pinned Molly Holly after a DDT Jim Ross tells us that Lita-Stratus at New Years Revolution is one of the most anticipated Women's matches ever. At the same time, Jerry Lawler is in a WWE.com chat room. (JG Note: Somebody in the production truck better cut Lawler's net connection quickly. If 2004 taught us anything, it is that "lol - ill pretend u said 18" does not work.) This contest was OK and shows that even with a depleted women's roster, WWE still finds ways to make it about two women at a time while the rest job regularly. Despite a good showing, Miss Molly was finished off with a DDT. Leets dedicated this one to her Big Red Rapist - or as we call him at home, Hubby.

After the bell, Demented Au Pair Gene Snitsky showed up and confronted Lita. Scared, she ran off through the crowd while he chased her. The two eventually ended up backstage where Mrs. Machine locked herself in a room while Snitty begged her to come and "play" in a freaky voice. Eric Bischoff steps in and asks if he's having fun. Gene replies that he is. (JG Note: Crazy people must think that torturing Lita is fun. I can see why. It seems like it would be somewhat enjoyable.) Bisch has a solution to the Babypunter's problem. How about a match with Kane at New Year's Revolution? Sound good? Good. All smile and we go to commercial.

Commercial Break. Fable - For Every Choice, There is a Consequence. That's deep. Whatever happened to video games that involved jumping on little turtles and then using their shells to get firepower?

(4) Simon Dean pinned Rosey with a roll-up Wow. Sucks to be the former Super Hero in Training. He has to be the first "fat guy" to face the anti-fat guy. There was once a time when the worst thing you'd go through when management wanted you to lose weight was an ambiguous line in the Ross Report. (JR Note: The big man is impressive at 400 pounds, but how effective would he be at 290? Let's all hope that this big piggy can get into shape. Boomer Sooner.) Now they need to fight Simon Dean and have Lawler make fat jokes. The finale of this one involved the bulbous guy in the mask rolled up by the little guy in powder blue. Ross proclaimed that he "used Rosey's own weight against him." Uh oh. I see the follow-up. I'm picturing an Extreme Makeover match. I'm picturing Roosevelt forced to undergo extensive surgery and becoming a buff blue chipper. It less about wrestling and more like reality TV. That's what the kids want to see nowadays, right? I tell ya, this thing could take on a life of its own.

Commercial Break. Raw is coming to Nassau Coliseum. We're promised a special match between Triple H and Randy Orton. Shawn Michaels is going to be the guest referee. They swear that the match is only for fans at Nassau. It'll just be our little secret. Don't tell anyone, OK. WWE is trusting you on this one. So ixnay on the Ortonway-UnterHay Atchmay.

Mr. Dinsmore, you're on.

Ah! Choking! Ah, uh, eeeeh…choking! Choking!

Ha, ha. Mr. Dinsmore! Waving those arms. I see you're getting into character.

No! No! I'm really choking!

Oh ha ha. Good one, sir. Keep practicing. Ta-ta.

Help!

 

 

(5) Beat the Clock Edge defeated Eugene via submission - He failed to beat the previous time You know what I hate about seeing Eugene in this spot? He was flipped to the tag division because they had nothing viable for him in singles action anymore. So he gets the tag straps and then suddenly - bam - they use him in singles contests all the time. Even in singles competition, he's treated as a singles star. Rather than build up any interest in the tag scene, they ignore it. What about La Resistance? Where the hell are they? They need a wrestling-fantasy world manager for their affairs. Mr. Fuji would have never stood for this crap. You don't forget my Canada team, Boy-san! Back to this one, I was happy to see a match not break the current record. I thought it would be a nightlong situation of one time beating the previous, but this outcome made things seem more believable. In the end, the Edgeman gets a victory while Eugene comes out looking pretty good. Good stuff.

Time to beat: 6:14 (Randy Orton)

Eric Bischoff is on the phone and he's in a great mood. Why? Someone's here. Eric tells the person on the phone how happy he is to know that they scored a flight. Gotcha, buddy. See you soon. Gotta go. Don't forget to tuck your t-shirt into your tights. Peace, man. Coach is here. Gotta run.

Click

John Coachman tells Eric that he's been calling all week. You haven't returned those Christmas calls. (JG Note: They must have forgotten to tell Coach that Eric's doing the Tweener thing nowadays.) Don't worry though, Bisch. JC bought you some sunglasses. Sweet, huh? Now that Johnny's done good by you, do good by him. Who's the guest ref for the Elimination Chamber, boss? Bischy refuses. He wants everyone, Coach included, to be surprised. When that man is introduced, all the participants will have reason to be concerned! I wonder what What does Eric Bischoff have up his sleeve. Well, besides the ham sandwich and bottle of Tequila of course.

Commercial Break. Considered Slogan: WWE 24/7 - For People Who Hate What We've Done To Today's Product.

OK, fellas, we need to get the final draft of Raw's script in soon. We have only one question left to answer. Who could we put against Benoit and get the worst possible reaction?

Viscera.

Viscera.

The Brooklyn Brawler.

Viscera.

By a score of three to one, Viscera it is. Hooray! Let's give him a silly cape too!

 

 

(6) Beat the Clock Chris Benoit defeated Viscera via submission - Match Time: 5:43 Matches like this show what Benoit is amazing at. He can carry a broom or, even more difficult, Viscera. When Big Vis arrived with his mini-wings, I shuddered. Crips put on a surprisingly good match and got the best out of Mabel. Viscera better thank God that he's a heel. At 487 pounds, Simon Dean should be harassing him too. In the end, it was an exciting submission for the Toothless Aggressor. The big man tapped and Benny Wa set a new record.

Time to beat: 5:43 (Chris Benoit)

Commercial Break. Words can't express how much I hate the Royal Rumble commercial. I know it's funny or whatever, but the whole point is counterproductive. What the wrestlers are doing is so stupid that it's in Vince McMahon's nightmare. The only problem here is that they really did it. I had finally stopped laughing about Triple H's bee spitting. Now I have the image of him singing show tunes with a wig.

Stacy Kiebler has arrived. She's here to thank all of us for making 2004 a great year. She also wants to thank me for voting her 2004's Babe of the Year. I didn't even realize that contest was going on. Don't thank me. As thanks, she bends over for us all. That's the type of girl you bring home to mom.

Hey how about if we have Mohammed Hassan carry around an apple. He can bite it and say, "I spit in the face of people that don’t want to be Arab-American." Then he can spit at them.

Hasn't that been done already?

When the hell has that stopped us before?

Good point. Go with it. Also, have them carry upside down American flags.

 

 

Mohammed Hassan and Shawn Daivari are in the house. Daivari goes off on Stacy Kiebler in a foreign tongue. (JG Note: That's unfair. She barely understands English.) After being yelled at, Leggsy leaves and Shawn hands the microphone over to Mohammed. He's anti-America! He's hates Christmas! Oh, man. He probably hates baby kittens and teddy bears too! Boo! Boo! You Christmas-Hater! The Grinch goes on to say that this country doesn't extend goodwill towards men. He then cites a poll that's up on the Cornell website showing that 50% of all people believe that the rights of Arab-Americans should be curtailed! Yes! They said that! Look for yourself! Momo then gives the website out: http://www.news.cornell.edu/ . Now admit your own racist views to yourself. Open your eyes, America. The fans respond with some USA chants, which doesn't mean much when you consider that they chant "USA" at Canadians. While Hassan goes on and is bombarded with catcalls, Shawn Daivari is with JR and the King in the Nitro Perch.

Shawn tells them how they've preached anti-Arab propaganda to an "audience of millions." Jerry Lawler sums up my thoughts by saying "I don't know about an audience of millions." He then confronts the new General Skandar and is pushed down by Mohammed. Jerry comes back and is shoved again. Jim Ross tried to intervene but is backhanded across the face. Irate, Jerry stands up to Mohammed and they stare eye to eye. You expect the King to strike him, but he doesn't. He's too much of a little girl. Ha ha. Chicken. Bock bock bock.

Commercial Break. New Movie "White Noise" is on it's way. No word on whether John Tesh will be singing on the soundtrack.

We're back and now Jerry Lawler hates Arabs. He has to bend over backwards to be Politically Correct and now he's assaulted for it. Let's just go to Batista's match. God. Friggin' persecuted Arab-Americans. Always running around and assaulting broadcasters. You can't trust those people. Let's round 'em all up. I feel like the segments with Mohammed and Daivari are just extended commercials for the Republican party.

Hey Mom, this Rhyno followed me home from school. Can I keep him?

Uh, no Sally. No you can't. This man shouldn't be following you. Sir, I have to ask you to leave…

GORE!

Ahhhhh!

 

 

(7) Beat the Clock Batista pinned Rhyno after a Powerbomb - Match Time: 3:02 Good match here as both Rhyno and Tista are known for their brutality. All assumed that Davey B would roll over and take his time in defeating the Man Beast. After all, Batista needed to win in time so that Triple H can break the record. That was the plan, but it didn't happen. While DB killed time, he didn't kill enough. After a failed Gore, Bat nailed a succession of Powerbombs and got a win at 3:02. Man oh man. Hunter's gonna lose his Cerebral Mind.

Time to beat: 3:02 (Dave Batista)

WWE Smackdown in Iraq. Isn't it understandable that a midcard wrestler with a family might not want to go to a Warzone? Just a thought. I'm not saying if I personally would or wouldn't have gone. I'm just saying that it's understandable.

Commercial Break. NewYorkABC.org wants me to say "No" to a new Westside Stadium. Whatever. Sure. No! No, Westside Stadium! Bad Westside Stadium! Bad! No! Bad!

Creepy Eric Bischoff is backstage with Candace. He asks Miss No-character how her Christmas was. She tried to answer but John Coachman arrives. The Majestic Coach is excited. He saw Eric's mystery guest! John didn't know that Eric was talking about the man that he saw. Easy E tries to respond but he's cut off by Mohammed Hassan and Shawn Daivari. Mo tells EB that he's been done wrong by the anti-Arab Raw Announcers. The Kingly Cowboys have been spewing anti-Arab sentiments. Look, Bischy saw the interaction before. Jim Ross ain't a rassler. He's a pitchman. You can't fight him. (JG Note: Only Eric Bischoff can fight him and William Regal and Lance Storm and Coach and…oh you get the point) Next week, at Nassau Coliseum, you will debate Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross! How's that? A debate? Sound boring? Good. It'll take place next week. Now piss off, Evil Foreign…uh, Americans. Bischoff has someone special to meet up with. Daivari calms Mo down by speaking in a foreign language. Since it's foreign, it's bad . Boo! Boo! USA! USA!

New Year's Revolution: Kane-Snitsky, Trish-Lita, and Elimination Chamber: Triple H, Chris Benoit, Batista, Chris Jericho, Edge, and Randy Orton

Backstage, Triple H is flipping his conditioner over Batista's quick win. He griped to Ric Flair until Dave comes back. Why can't you follow a plan? Huh? Trips yells until he's cut off by Tista. Davey tells the Game that he's beginning to piss him off. The crowd pops bigger than they did for Randy Orton and Slick Ric steps in. Buck up, beeches. This is Evolution. It's all about friendship . Smile - it don't cost nothing. The group seems content as we hit the ads.

Commercial Break. Do the Raw writers write the stupid Snicker's commercials too. I wouldn't be shocked. I thought that "I Want To Be Your Resident" thing was crappy. This new one is horrible.

Hey Shelton, how are things doing on Raw?

Been good, Charlie. I've been on a winning streak lately. I'm the Intercontinental Champion. Life is good. How's by you?

I dumped two hot chicks at the same time. The highlight of my recent career, a guy in makeup grabbing my ass, left the company a little while ago. Since then, I have done nothing exciting and generally get my ass kicked. It's cold here, Shelton. It's so very cold.

Well, I'll… uh, talk to you later man.

Save me, Shelton. It's oh so cold.

Bye.

 

 

(8) Beat the Clock Triple H pinned Shelton Benjamin after a Pedigree He failed to beat the previous time Everyone's here for this one. Benoit, Orton, Jericho, and Edge are all seated around the ring and watching Hunter's contest. (JG Note: It's about time these kids started listening to the agents and watched Triple H's matches closer. Grab a seat. Get close. Nothing wrong with taking notes when the Champion is wrestling. That's the only way you'll learn how to do things correctly.) The shocking moment happened early when Dave Batista showed up and took the final seat at ringside. He joined the others as Benji put on a good match with H. It seemed certain that Hunter would beat Batista's time of 3:02 when he locked a chin lock on Benjamin. Shelly's arm dropped twice, but stayed up on the third fall - thus keeping him in the match. Triple H went crazy. (JG Note: This is where I'll actually give Hunter some props. The Triple H of 2002 would have defeated Shelton, the IC Champ, at 3:03. That way he would have appeared dominant, while still not beating Tista's time and spending more time in the ring at his eventual Chamber title win.) The match went on a little while longer and after a failed Pedigree, Ric Flair climbed to the apron. With a distracted official, Benji nailed a cross body, but was denied victory. Once the ref turned back around, Hunter hit the Pedigree and had himself a three count.

Best Time: 3:02 -Dave Batista enters Elimination Chamber last

Eric Bischoff arrives and introduces the man that will referee the Elimination Chamber! Here is…Shawn Michaels! He's got a real ref's outfit on and not his disgusting short shorts. What about the animosity between Michaels and Helmsley ? What about the title? What about the Game? What about the little man that lives down the lane? Nursery Rhymes aside, Shawn's in charge of that Chamber and Triple H is not pleased one bit. HBK does his peculiar dancing thing while we fade to black.

All in all… I liked tonight's episode of Raw. Giving the program a solid theme throughout gives the show a good flow. It was an interesting concept and "Beat the Clock" was pretty fun to watch.

The countdown gave fans a reason to care about so many of the night's matches. You watched to know who would be the man to beat and if the current New Years Revolutionaries would be ousted by a lucky opponent. It helped to give Raw meaning while still selling the pay show.

Mohammed and Daivari were pretty harmless. They've toned down their act a bit, but the lack of crowd reaction may lead to more intense speeches. The reaction was OK, but far from what most expected these two would get. In the end, the fans may be turned off by real life melodrama and more in-tune with wrestling's more traditional conflicts. Who knows. It's a good move sending the evil Arab-Americans after Jerry and JR though. It's a smart step when pushing a new heel character. Debates? Well, those I'm not so sure about.

There was a strong flow and a common gimmick. Everyone performed well and there was little to complain about. In the awkward post-Christmas pre-New Year period, Raw managed to save itself from becoming filler. Cheers, cheers.

I hope you all have a happy and healthy New Year. If you go out with friends, don't drink too much. If you do, don't pay for any drinks. Once a group starts getting really hammered, people lose track of who paid for what. There's one guy that'll probably get like 12 rounds before he notices anything. I'm James Guttman and that's One to Grow On. I'll see you back here in 2005 with more Raw Insanity. Be well.



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JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE
JG's Ten Crazier Fanbases Than Wrestling's
JG's Ten Copycat Wrestling Characters (and The Gimmicks They Copied)
JG's Raw 1000 Insanity: The Rocky Road To Royal Rumble

Game Day - Doom Gets Release Date, Battalion 1944 Gets Funded, And More
The ROHbot Report: Nashville Preview, Omega Returns, and More
TGIF: Cut The Bull-Fit, Kong Gone, and More
Anime Verdict: Kanon
The Question: What's Your Worst Habit?
Game Day - New Ghostbusters Coming, Madden Predicts Super Bowl 50, And More
Crocker! Lead
The ROHbot Report: Winter Warriors, 14th Anniversary Main Event, and More
TGIF: Rusev Wins The TV Title, T.N.A.J. Drama, and More
Greatest Old Age Video Game Characters
The Question: What Show Have You Most Recently Gotten Into?
Game Day - Mike Tyson In UFC 2, No AJ Styles DLC For WWE 2K16, And More
The ROHbot Report: Collinsville Results, Winter Warriors Preview, and More
TGIF: Social Jobbers Over Clueless Rookie, Impact Rising, and More
Weirdest Video Game Celebrity Cameos
The Question: What's Your Binge Food?
Game Day - New TMNT Game Leaked, Big Beta Release Dates, And More
The ROHbot Report: Indianapolis Results, Global Wars to Chicago, and More
TGIF: Kalisto's a No Go, Rehashed Hardys, and More
Greatest Metal Gear Solid Boss Battles
The Question: What's The First Website Your Remember Visiting?
Game Day - Left 4 Dead 3 Coming, PornStation For The Win, And More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest '15: Night 2
The ROHbot Report: Charlotte Taping Preview, Winter Warriors Tour, and More
TGIF: Losing Cena, Gaining Bullets, and More
The Question: What's The Craziest Conspiracy Theory You've Heard?
Game Day - CM Punk In UFC 2, Scalebound Delayed, And More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Survival of the Fittest '15: Night 1"
The ROHbot Report: ROH Year End Awards, Roddy vs. The World, More
TGIF: Kiss Cena Hello, Rey Stays Underground, and More

-

JG's 2/7/05 Raw Insanity: How a Smackdown Batista can be bigger than DX and the Horsemen
Feb 7, 2016
JG's 2/5/07 Raw Insanity: Taker Takes His Mania
Feb 5, 2016
JG's 2/4/08 Raw Insanity: Vince McMahon Encourages Parents To Moon Their Children
Feb 4, 2016
JG's 1/30/06 Raw Insanity: Triple H vs. Chavo Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, and God
Jan 30, 2016
JG's 1/29/07 Raw Insanity: The Rockers of Thuganomics Win The Tag Titles
Jan 29, 2016
JG's 1/21/08 HD Raw Insanity: Chris Jericho Disappoints His Children
Jan 21, 2016
JG's 1/20/03 Raw Insanity: Introducing Evolution
Jan 20, 2016
JG's 1/16/06 Raw Insanity: Tables, Ladders and Flair
Jan 16, 2016
JG's 1/15/07 Raw Insanity: Vince McMahon Starts a Storyline Based On How Bad His Shows Are
Jan 15, 2016
JG's 1/14/08 Raw Insanity: Mr. McMahon Chokes His Leprechaun
Jan 14, 2016
JG's 1/10/05 Raw Insanity: Shawn Michaels vs. Florida's Canadians
Jan 10, 2016
JG's 1/8/07 Raw Insanity: Rosie O' Donnell Loves Fudgie The Whale
Jan 8, 2016
JG's 1/6/03 Raw Insanity: Scott Steiner and Triple H Pay Homage To The WBF
Jan 6, 2016
JG's 1/5/04 Raw Insanity: Teddy Long Presents Rizzle is Wizzle
Jan 5, 2016
JG's 1/4/10 Raw vs. Impact Insanity: Bret Tries To Move Past 1997, Hogan Tries To Recreate It
Jan 4, 2016
JG's 1/3/05 Raw Insanity: William Regal Plays The Part of Lindsay Lohan
Jan 3, 2016
JG's 12/27/04 Raw Insanity: Beating The Clock
Dec 27, 2015
JG's 12/25/06 Raw Insanity: John Cena's A Horse
Dec 25, 2015
JG's 12/23/02 Raw Insanity: Lance Storm and William Regal Celebrate The Holidays By Losing To The Announce Team
Dec 23, 2015
JG's 12/19/02 Smackdown Insanity: Kurt Angle and The Big Show Rip Brock Lesnar's Clothes Off
Dec 19, 2015

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