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JG's 3/21/05 Raw Insanity: Randy Orton Kisses Stacy Kiebler...Then He Kills Her

By James Guttman Mar 21, 2018 - 9:15 PM print

Originally Published March 21, 2005

First Baptist Church: Plaza Room…March 20, 2005


Triple H: You know, Ric, this was a good idea. I mean, the first time we held our Evolution Auditions, we found someone. Now we need to do it again. We're droppin' in numbers, man.

Ric Flair: Yeah. Although, there is something to be said for us having quality time alone. Wouldn't you agree?

Flair places his hand on Hunter's and stares longingly into his eyes

Hunter: We discussed this, Ric. You're doing it again…

Flair: Doing what again?

Hunter: Hitting on me. I told you already before that I only like you like a friend - a subservient friend, but a friend nonetheless. Now just send in the first candidate. 

Flair: Fine. Next! Come on in. Stand on the giant "H," state your name, your gimmick, and why you should be in Evolution.

Gene Snitsky: Gene Snitsky. I kill babies. It's not my fault.

Hunter: Why should you be in Evolution?

Snitsky: Uh….because it's not my fault.

Flair: (wide-eyed) Why should he be in Evolution? Why should he be in Evolution?! Look at him, Hunny…er, uh, Hunter. Look at his body! Wowee wow wow! Ahhh! The chest! The arms! The hot hot arms! I can just stare at him all day! Ahhh!

Hunter: Ric, calm down.

Flair bounces up and begins to rub his hands on Snitsky

Flair: Whoooo! Look at you! What a specimen! Gene, please! Please, ….let me rub my cheek on your nipples.

Snitsky: (frightened) Uh, Hunter, can you put a stop to this?

Hunter: Sorry kid, let him touch ya. It comes with the Evolution membership. Why the hell do you think Batista left?

Snitsky: Screw this. I got babies to kill.

Snitsky runs off. Flair drops to his knees in tears.

Flair: (crying loudly) Nooooo! No! No! My Precious! Not my precious!


Hunter: OK, Ric. You cry it out. I'll call in the next person. Edge! Edge?

Edge: (entering room) You think you know me. You think you know me.

Hunter: No. No. No. Sorry, kid. No.

Edge: No? Why? It's because you want to hold me back, isn't it?

Hunter: Actually - no. I'm turning you down because if you pull that Hardy Boy bullsh*t on me, I have more to lose than a redheaded animal rights activist, you hear what I'm saying? If I bring you into my circle, it's like sending the coyote into the chicken coop. I'm married to the Holy Grail, kiddo. It would be like hitting the lotto for you.

Edge: Actually, you have a point. I'll send in the next guy.

Hunter: Thanks, Feces.

Flair: (still crying) Oh! Gene! Ah! No! My Precious!

Monty Brown: (Running into the room) Oo ooo oo oo o ah ah aha ah ah!

Hunter: Oh geez. Listen Shelton, you have no chance. I like that you've put on muscle, but no. You're just not Evolution material.

Monty: Ummm… I'm not Shelton Benjamin. I don't wrestle for WWE. I'm Monty Brown from TNA. Please save me. Please, please, please.

Hunter: Whatever, D-Lo. Listen, I don't think…

Monty: Not D-Lo Brown. It's Brown, but it's…

Hunter: Bad News Brown, Encyclopedia Brown, Charlie Brown, who gives a crap? Bottom line is that I can't let "outsiders" into Evolution.

Monty: You mean "outsiders" as in non-WWE guys?

Hunter: Uh….yeah. Sure. Let's go with that. Whatever works. OK. You take care now, 2 Cold.

Annoyed, Brown leaves. Flair pops his head up.

Flair: Hey. Was that Ahmed Johnson?


Hunter: (calling to the door) Please come in and state your name, gimmick, and why you should be in Evolution.

A wrestler baring a striking resemblance to Randy Orton walks in. He is identical to Orton except for the fact that he has a fake mustache and glasses on

"Andy Orton:" Hello. My name is Andy Orton. I have this big mustache and I want to be in Evolution so I can be the best.

Hunter: (rolling his eyes) Randy…come on.

"Andy:" I sure don't know who this Randy is, but I know that I can finish off opponents with my "AKO" finisher! They call me the Legend Murderer.

Hunter: Goddamnit, Randy! We know it's you!

Randy Orton: (realizing he's been caught) How?

Hunter: How? Because you did that stupid twirl when you walked into the room. Now you can't be in Evolution. The answer is no.


Randy: Why?

Hunter: (turning beat red) Why?! Why?! Why?! Because you're good as a heel! You're good as an arrogant heel! You suck as a good guy! I'm the big heel! Me! No one else! Just me! I'm in the family! I deserve it! I got married! You're single! You get to have fun! I don't! So I get to be Raw's heel! I have to have Christmas with the McMahons! I earned it! Not you! Not you! Ahhhh! I hate you all! I'm the Game! Everyone look at me! Look at me! I'm God! God! God! Damnit! Damnit! Arghhhhhh!

Everyone stops and stares intently on Hunter. He seems to snap out of a trance and look around.

Hunter: What? What are you all looking at?

Randy: You just went crazy. You said that you were God.

Hunter: (mortified) Oh my God. Did I say all that out loud? I…uh, I thought that was all in my head. Oh my God. I was kidding. I was just kidding…

Randy: I'm leaving. That was weird.

Flair: That was our last applicant.

Hunter: Oh. So what do we now? There's only two of us.

Flair: Plan B?

Hunter: Yup. Plan B. Put on the shoulder pads and face paint. Ooooo what a rush!

With Batista's WrestleMania run heating up, can the Animal outdo the Big Red Machine in the main event? Has the Sweet Chin Musician Shawn Michaels finally taken the psychological advantage over his Smackdown nemesis Kurt Angle? Will the newest Playmate Christy Hemme prove that she deserves to be in the same ring with the Women's Champion? Or, when the chips are down, will she take after her new trainer and blow it? The opportunity! I meant "blow it" as in "blow the opportunity!" You people and your dirty minds - for shame. Repent by reading the following. It's about this weird show I watched while waiting for the Ultimate Fighter to start….

Raw Theme Plays. Move to the music. Go on. Move already. Then maybe he'll stop singing.

It's Pick Your Poison Monday! Oooo! Oooo! I call Cyanide!

(1) Shawn Michaels pinned Rob Conway after the Sweet Chin Music It was good to see Conway get a shot at a longer-than-usual singles match. Luckily for both Rob and Sylvan, WWE focuses so little on the tag division that their double loss and sodomy at the hands of Batista isn't even remembered anymore. On one hand, it's good because people don't remember your embarrassing moments. On the other, it's bad because people don't think much about you at all. With his youth, Robby C could have a good number of years in front of him. Matches like this will help him along the way and hopefully serve as the starting point for a future career retrospective. Michaels, on the other hand, has a knack for putting on an emotional match and gripping fans, regardless of his opponent. He did that in this one too. Despite interference from fellow La Resister, Sylvan Grenier, Rob couldn’t overcome the Heartbreak odds and fell to Shawn's Sweet Chin Superkick.

In the interest of fairness, we see a retrospective of Kurt Angle's career. You have to admire Kurt Angle, but not necessarily because of all of his Olympic and professional wrestling achievements. He should be admired for tackling the task of trying to convince us that more wrestling fans in 1996 were into Shawn Michaels and the WWF than the Olympics. Ah yes - 1996. The country was running wild with Salvatore Sincere Fever and SultanMania. Olympics, Shmolympics. Who needs that when you have the Stalker Barry Windham?

Willie Regal and Tajiri are walking with their ladies, Lita and Christy. Listen here Quarter Mil Girl, if you see trouble, best get your redheaded ass out of the ring by tagging out. No worries, guys. Miss Hemme has been practicing her kicks all week. You want to see? William and Japanese Eugene decline her offer and it looks like we're gonna have some six person tag action going on next.

Commercial Break. The Amityville Horror Movie is coming to theaters. I grew up two towns away from Amityville out here on Long Island. The funny thing is that, even with ghosts, it less scary than a lot of the towns surrounding it.

News: Hulk Hogan will be inducted into the Hall of Fame by Sylvester Stallone. In a related story, Rowdy Roddy Piper will be inducted into the Hall of Fame by Tony, the little voice that lives in his head.

(2) World Tag Team Champions William Regal, Tajiri, & Christy Hemme defeated Simon Dean, Maven, & Molly Holly when Hemme pinned Molly Wow. All that the Dean, Holly, Maven team needs is Steven Richards and you'd have a whole Survivor Series team of wasted talents. Dean, saddled with a ridiculous gimmick, has proven that he can cut a promo. Yet he's been over-scripted and pigeonholed into a one-dimensional character. Molly Holly is a female wrestler, which rarely serves as a positive. Maven is…well, I've sort of given up on Maven. They don't really care about what they do with him and I've come to grips with that. With the success of their former Tough Enough winners, you have to wonder how WWE continues to sell the concept every year. It's things like that that make Vince McMahon a great promoter. Every winner of that show has gone on to mediocrity at most and termination at worst, yet Vinnie Mac still sells it. Trish Stratus walked around at ringside for this one, trying to get a peek at her Mania challenger. She got an eyeful. It looks as though Lita has taught her a few moves. In case there was any doubt, Hemme utilized Matt Hardy's Lita's finisher, the Twist of Fate, to score the win over Molly. Team Filler reels from this disastrous loss. (JG Note: Just kidding. Simon and Maven will be smiling in a backstage segment twenty minutes from now.)

Triple H is walking to the ring. On the way, he bumps into a guy that looks like the King of Queens. He stares him down and continues his stroll. Hunter's comin' out here….next!


Commercial Break. It's been seven years since Steve Austin stuck an IV up Vince McMahon's ass. Did you ever think you'd look back on that angle as the "old days?"

Hey…hey, Steph. What do you call me on TV? Huh? Give up? A video game! Ha ha ha ha!

You told me that joke already…like ten times.

OK. OK. What do you call me on a greeting card? Give up? A card game!

Alright enough.

How 'bout me on a ball? A ball game! Ah ha ha ha! Holy crap. I gotta write this stuff down for when they ask me to host Saturday Night Live. They will. They will! Oh God, they will!



The Champ is here! Hunter Hearst Helmsley has cometh, yup yup, and he's a bit tuckered out for the night. Rather than tell us his good qualities while standing, Trips decides to do so while sitting. What follows is truly insane.

The H Man made Batista and Randy Orton. He made them stars. He did it in order to help the future of wrestling. That's why he started "Evolution." The Evos couldn't be stopped by anyone…but themselves. The Game then decides to tell us the true story of Randy Orton. You see, Orton used to be all cool. He was an Evolver. He was part of Evolution. He was World Champion. Then he turned on Hunter. He left Evolution. Since then, eight months ago, he's sucked. Since then, he's fallen on hard times. Now he's begging for a WrestleMania beating at the hands of the Undertaker. When he was in the crew, he never would have had to do that. He was a man. Now he's a punk. Triple H made Ort what he was. Without the Cerebral guidance of his mentor, Randall is nothing but a loser. Let's all point at Randy and laugh. Ho ho ho. Ha ha ha.

(JG Note: Wow. Wow. Wow. Everything Trips said was true. In essence, Hunt just told us the entire story of Randy Orton's last year. It wasn't cleaned up to make the Legend Killer look good. If anything, it made Hunter seem like God and Orton seem like a waste of life. I really hope that Randy has something to do with this angle soon. Otherwise, they just cut his balls off in order to promote a match he has nothing to do with. Wow.) He then compares Randy to Batista. So, basically Tista will be a loser too. The Game then says - get this - that he can "guarantee" that Dave would have beaten JBL and John Cena at the same time. My head is starting to hurt. Instead of going to Smackdown, Tista, you stayed here. Now you, the guy that could beat the top two guys on Smackdown, will lose to Triple H. Hunter's better than you. (JG Note: Logically speaking, that means he's better than Cena and Bradshaw. He's also better than Orton, too. We established that earlier. ) He goes on to say that Tista has no WM history. He wasn't even at Mania long enough "to get a cup of coffee." (JG Note: This is amazing.) He then mentions JBL's claim that he's a "wrestling God." Just so we're clear, that's horse puckey. Trips is the real God. (JG Note: Keep going, Hunter. Keep going. See if you can fit Benoit in here somehow.) Helmsley then mentions how the one man that ever had a leg up on him, Chris Benoit, has now fallen. Add his name to the list of people that the Gamy One has buried. While you Tista may have felt that putting Trips against Benoit was smart, it wasn't. What Helmsely's about to do is smart. He's about to book Davey B against Kane in a Lumberjack Match tonight. Each Jacker will be handpicked by the Gameboy himself and they'll all be on the hunt for Batista. How's them apples. He just put himself over at the expense of everyone on payroll. This was crazy. There is no Earthly way that Triple H can be a "student of the game" and not realize how harmful this promo was for the entire company. It's only a shame that he couldn't put himself over people outside WWE too…

"There will be no Supreme Court decision to stop it. There will be no act of congress to stop it. I will pull the plug, there will be no life support. At WrestleMania 21, Batista, I will not hesitate, there will be no remorse. There will be no regrets. I will put the animal down."

- Triple H, 9:48pm

Well, look at that. He can. Guess the Game watched some CNN today. On the surface, this promo was good. It helped to sell his match with Batista. The drawback was that it did so at the expense of so many other people. Let's review the scorecard on this interview, shall we? Hunter made everyone a star. Randy Orton sucks. JBL sucks. Cena sucks. Batista is better than them. However, he sucks compared to Hunter. Benoit used to not suck, but as of last week, he sucks again. Everyone sucks except for Triple H. They should just slap that slogan on the back of the Raw t-shirts.

Commercial Break. If you eat a Snickers, you can be a WWE tag champion with Ric Flair. However, if you eat a Milky Way, you can be a WWE tag champion with Nathan Jones.

Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho meet up in the ring. While they bounce around the ring, Jerry Lawler tells us that Raw is sponsored by "Juicy Drop Pop." Ironically, this is the name Jerry uses when he introduces himself to new divas.

You know something, Tyson? I really dig your eyes. They're so dark and brooding.

Edge, what are you doing?

Nothing. Nothing. Come give me a big hug.

Seriously, man. What the hell are you doing?

I know, Tyson! I know it's wrong! I'm know I'm good friends with Christian. You two are together…

What the hell are you talking about? Christian and I are tag partners - not, you know, partners-partners.

Oh. Never mind then. I suddenly lost interest.



(4) Edge & Christian defeated Shelton Benjamin & Chris Jericho when Edge pinned Benjamin Is it just me or is the Intercontinental Champion jobbing a bit too much? Couple that with the fact that this felt like one of those mish-moshed midcarder tags that Raw does every week now. They just take a handful of guys, put them in a group pay-per-view match, then have them fight each other in different combinations every week leading in. The saving grace here was the fact that E&C were on the same side and gave the match a somewhat special feel. It become apparent during the contest that Edge and Christian were going to have the villainous advantage with Tyson Tomko solvin' problems at ringside. Ty thwarts a number of baby face rallies, allowing his team to persevere throughout. In fact, the rule breaking made the difference. Shelton tossed the E-Man into the turnbuckles and ran in for a Splash. Edgeward moved and Benji found himself biffed, courtesy of a title belt and Christian's hand. Shelly reeled and Edgemire hit the Spear and scored the win.

After the bell, all hell broke loose. The heels raged in a three on two situation, but were stopped by Chris Benoit, who emerged from locker room with bandaged ribs. That didn't last long, though. Tyson Tomko solved the problem by violently beating down the Crippler with a ladder. Tomko then heads back to the dressing room to French braid his goatee.

Commercial Break. WWE is bring Supershow to Madison Square Garden. Raw and Smackdown will be under the same roof for one night only. They claim this is the first time. I guess WrestleMania XX didn't count. Smackdown and Raw - both at MSG - same night. Seemed like a pretty Super Show to me. After all, it was WrestleMania.

All the baddies are babbling to each other in the rule breaker locker room. They're confronted by Ric Flair, who's here to pep talk them all prior to the Lumberjack match tonight. Whether they all want to believe it or not, Batista screwed them all. How? He didn't go to Smackdown. Instead, he's there taking their spots. (JG Note: They took our jobs! Dey took are jobs! Da Der der derbs!) I hate how Maven and Simon Dean are just hanging out back there and listening to Flair like nothing happened to them tonight. They lost. They're supposed to be devastated. Aren't they crying over the loser's share of the purse? I don't get their characters. Isn't this their jobs? Shouldn't they be upset that they failed at their jobs tonight? Whatever. Apparently not. Instead, they marvel at Flair's stories off success. Maybe they could rise up from JC Penny's to Armani, just like Naitch says. Then again, Naitch told Sylvan Grenier he could get him any woman he wants. Uh…ok. He then makes some sort of racial remark to Muhammad Hassan, although it didn't make much sense. Something about Hassan's home being "chump change to the Nature Boy." He then lead the entire heel locker room - Viscera and all - in a stirring rendition of "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

Batista's t-shirt shopping in Eric Bischoff's office when the General manager rushes in. Hey Dave. Bisch is here to tell you that he had nothing to do with this Lumberjack ish tonight. That's a Triple H thing, not an Uncle Eric thing. Bisch asks if Dave knows what it's like to be a marked man. The Animal replies that he will know…after he wins the World Title. Bisch then kisses up and tells Tista that he can't wait to have him reign as the Raw Champion. Eric does all but bat his eyelashes and curtsy. Bat tells Bischy that he would make a great politician. EB grins ear to ear and thanks him. (JG Note: Thank you, David. And you? You would make a great Deacon. God bless, brother.) Oh, oh, hold up. That compliment is short lived. DB returns and tells ATM Eric that he thought of a better job for him…Used Car Salesman! Ah ha hahaha! Ha ha ha! Used Car Salesman! Oh man. Everyone laughs and somewhere out there, a used car salesman is tuned into Spike TV…and weeping. Nice, Dave. Real nice.

Randy Orton is backstage with Test's old Testicle handler, Stacy Kiebler. She expresses some doubt over whether or not Orton can defeat the Undertaker at WresteMania. Her mouth says she backs him fully, but her eyes tell a different story. Oh the pain. Ort hands her a box and tells her to come to the ring. Taker had a surprise for him last week? Well, Randall has a surprise for him tonight. 'Lizabeth! Down that aisle!

Commercial Break. If we get a Fiesta Taco Salad from Taco Bell, women will look at us! It works. I just wear one on my head as a hat. The girlies all swoon.

Hey. Nothing you can say. Nothing's gonna change something or other. Randy Orton's here, people. He's got Legmeister Stacy Kiebler by his side and he's got a point to make. You want to know what that point is, Taker? You wanna know how Randall can still have confidence? Well look at this T-Shirt:

Randy reaches into Stacy's box and yanks out a t-shirt. (JG Note: Ta da.) It's a Legend Killer shirt and has all his victims on the back with check marks and dates. The funniest thing here was that Moolah's name was first. When you have to list a woman in her 80s as your first victim, that's a bad sign. Speaking of people in their 80s, Undertaker has been added to Randy's Shirt of Fame. His name is listed along with the WrestleMania date. Apparently, the Legend Killer is so sure that he'll win that he's already added it to his merchandise! Now don't kid yourself, Deadie. RO ain't "fallin' victim like the rest of your victims." Let's go to the videotape…

Video Retrospective of Randy's career: Watching this video package just serves as a reminder of how badly they’ve botched Orton's push. It seems like that match with Mick Foley was a lifetime ago.

Back in real time, Ort gives Mean Mark the respect he deserves, but says that Take's Mania streak will be dead, just like him. Now on that note, Orton has other things to do. Those things include taking Stacy Kiebler by the hand and kissing her awkwardly. It was strange. He sort of kissed the divit under her nose instead of her lips. Not sure what that was about. After the weird make-out session, Randall then promised that he would do whatever it takes to beat the Undertaker. Orton screamed "I have a message!" What's that message?

RKO on Stacy Kiebler!

Does this guy know how to get out of a relationship or what? I should have used this technique on more girls years ago. Instead, I was all nice and they ended up keeping most of my CDs anyway. Under the Orton technique, I'd have at least gotten an RKO in before I left. Ross then wonders what the Legend Killer will do to the Dead Man at Mania if he can "do this to his own girlfriend." I would say she's his ex-girlfriend at this point. Finishing moves are usually grounds for break up.

Commercial Break. Oh Hootie. What has become of you? Cowboy hats and Bacon Burgers?

(5) Chris Benoit defeated Tyson Tomko via Crippler Crossface submission Strangely enough, this was a good match. Tomko has really started to come into his own recently and this contest showed that. It's a testament to Benoit, who I still feel has proven he can put on a good matches with almost anyone, but also to Tyson for hanging in with him. I know that people like to pick apart the Wolverine's weaknesses, citing his size and promo ability. I don't agree when they go after his ring work, though. I still remember when they tossed Chris in there with A-Train for a upper midcard Smackdown feud. I'll be damned if Albert didn't come off like a monster finally, if only for a brief moment. This match reminded me of that. Here's Ty, someone that seemed seemingly incapable of having a good match a few months ago, stepping in with a guy like Benoit and doing well. It says a lot for Crips's position that he's gone from tapping out Triple H to teaching Tomko within a year, but even though he's fallen pretty far, at least he's being used to help newer performers. The finish built the crowd to a pretty frenzied level. When Tommy Co was caught in the Crossface, it seemed as though he'd never tap. He eventually did and Benoit got the victory. The fact that they had Double T pause on the tap out shows that they have some sort of hope for him in the future. That could be a good thing. We need more guys with insane-ass facial hair in the main event.

Shawn Michaels has a suit on and he's walking. He comes to Shawn Daivari, who's also wearing a suit, and Muhammad Hassan, who's wearing a pair of short spandex shorts. Mu is pissed off, HBK. He's pissed because he's not at WrestleMania. You are, Shawny. You know nothing about Hassan's struggle against oppression. The MuMan has been kept of Mania. Muhammad screams that he's never been defeated on Raw! (JG Note: No. Just everywhere else.) On that note, Daivari screams in Farsi and Michaels barks at him. His Heartbreakship then speaketh. The Hassanator thinks the world owes him everything. However, the world doesn't owe him a damn thing! Tell you what, kid. You want to have a shot at greatness? Well, next week in the Boy Toy's hometown, you can have a match against him. According to the Heartbreaker, he'll soon know why "they call me Mr. WrestleMania." Uh, Shawn? They don't call you Mr. WrestleMania. You call you Mr. Wrestlemania.

Commercial Break. The new WrestleMania commercial is a Taxi Driver parody. It features most of the roster trying to do Deniro's famous "You talkin' to me" scene. Great ad. It actually shows the humor of WWE's writers and, in many ways, you get a glimpse of what they're trying to do with the wrestling shows. The thing is that goofy humor segments like this one are enjoyable in short spurts like this. When you start wrapping two hour shows around them, it's not.

Triple H is here and he's leading the heels to go do his bidding. That's what they're there for. Run, you pawns. Serve your master! Bow to your sensei! Avenge me! The Game sits with JR and Lawler. He learns that next week, Eric Bischoff has put him in a "Face Off" with Batista. (JG Note: Hockey?) Hunter's confused, as am I. Also next week, Shawn Michaels meets Muhammad Hassan.

From www.KaneVersionBurnt.com:

"I asked Kirby to temporarily take all pictures of Amy off the website for now. If you happen to run into Amy at an appearance, I think you should ask her why her pictures have been taken down. Needless to say, I was shocked to read that my wife had been seeing that feces, Matt Hardy this whole time. Edge, I can forgive. Matt, I considered a friend. Now he's a feces. After giving her the best year of my life and putting a charred roof over her head, I can't believe that she would do this to me. - Rock on - Kane VB"

Lita's husband…I think, comes to the ring.

Here Dave, here's your script for tonight.

Thanks, Hunter. Hey…hold on. What's this?


Right here. Why does it say that I bow down and lick your toes in the opening segment? Why is it written in your handwriting?

Oh…uh….ha ha. Just ribbin'. I'm such a ribber. Rib rib. That's me. They call me the McRib. OK. Gotta go, bye.



(6) Batista pinned Kane after a Powerbomb in a Lumberjack Match The Champ sat at the broadcast table for this one. He didn't have to. There wasn't much to see. This match was a mistake on WWE's part. Unless they planned on turning Big Red heel, there was no reason to put the baby face WrestleMania main eventer in a match with another supposed "fan favorite." What type of pop should you expect on a comeback when he's fighting a good guy? I don't get it. The Lumberjacks leering and looking for an opening would have served as a good backdrop if Dave was in there with a villain, eager to capitalize. Instead, he was in there with Kane, who had problems of his own with the evil pawns at ringside. The crowd responded accordingly and, until the end, pretty much sat on their hands. The best part of the H man on commentary was when he vowed to beat Batista like a "bag of puppies." (JG Note: Isn't "Puppies" WWE slang for breasts? He's gonna beat a bag o' boobs?) Things seem to be going Helmsley's way, but fall apart when Kane gets mixed up with Gene Snitsky at ringside. He then ends up fighting the other evil henchmen of the H-Man while Tista fights his own battles. After the JR-christened carnage at ringside spills out of control, Dave regains his composure. He disposes of his attackers and returns to meet the Big Red Machine. After spinebustering both Edge and Christian, the Deacon eats a choke slam from the Monster. It only gets a two count and the crowd starts to really come alive. Mr. Lita tries for a tombstone, but DB slides out and hits a Spinebuster followed by a Powerbomb. As Gorilla Monsoon would say, you could count to a hundred.

After the official word, Davey stands triumphant in the ring while Captain Sillybeard breathes heavily through his nose. Who will leave WrestleMania with the World Heavyweight Championship? Ponder that while we fade to black.

All in all… Not much to this Raw tonight. Compared to last week's over-the-top good edition, this one seemed like a letdown of sorts.

Batista-Kane built well, but ultimately seemed pointless. With Big Red as a baby face and Batista as a newly turned hero, you have to wonder why WWE chose to put them against each other with two weeks until Mania. Anyone (or two) around the ring for the Lumberjack match could have served the purpose of Tista's foe. Shoving him in there with the baby faced monster took away from any heroic comeback qualities he had.

Triple H's promo was bad. I know it seemed good, but it was bad. He put over his match with Batista at Mania. We get that. Then again, his match with Tista was already the top pushed match. In order to get his match over, he had to put himself over Benoit, JBL, John Cena, Randy Orton, Terry Shiavo, and finally Batista. The whole trick to being a big star in this business is to do so without crushing everyone else's characters. It sort of like how people would say that you're not a good wrestler if you hurt your opponents and yourself. By the same token, you're not a good promo guy if you have to bury everyone else to accomplish your point.

Randy Orton's segment was good. Hopefully he can ride this out and return to his glory days. Watching his video reminds us how far he's fallen. WrestleMania 21 is make it or break it time for him.

I have to mention how much better Tyson Tomko has gotten. Granted, he was in the ring with Chris Benoit, but he still deserves credit for participating in a good match. Now that he's been steadily ramping up, Tomko needs a solid feud.

Lukewarm show with some style, less substance, and a lot of filler. With next week being our final stop on Mania Road, hopefully we'll get something memorable. Well, regardless of content, we get two hours of something. What more could you ask for, right? Good attitude. See you next week.

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JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE

The Challenge: Final Reckoning - Episode 2
TGIF: A New Day For Hulk, MLW's Major League Potential, and More
The ROHbot Report: Nashville Return, Top Contenders 6-Man Gauntlet, And More
The Challenge: Final Reckoning - Episode 1
TGIF: Japanese Garden Party of Honor, Rib JR's Rib, and More
The ROHbot Report: Bully-Burger Steal the Show, NWA Title in ROH, And More
Anime Verdict: Street Fighter 2 The Animated Movie
TGIF: Hug Therapy, Down Goes Dalton, and More
The ROHbot Report: Best in the World Review, Fairfax TV Tapings, And More
TGIF: Dog Bites Artist, All Them, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Finale & Reunion
The ROHbot Report: Best in the World '18, TV Classic Main Event, And More
TGIF: Cass'd Away, DIY Does It Again, and More
The ROHbot Report: State of the Art Reviews, ROH International Cup, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 9
TGIF: The Greatest Professional Wrestling Match Of All Time
The ROHbot Report: San Antonio/Dallas Previews, Bullies Dominate, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 8
TGIF: CM Punk Gets One More WWE Victory, Constable Corbin, and More
The ROHbot Report: Austin Aries Goes For The Gold, NY TV Results, And More
Solo: A Star Wars Story Review
TGIF: You Can't Teach Rap, NBC's World Wrestling Embarrassed, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 7
The ROHbot Report: UK Tour Reviews, TV Recap, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars - Episode 6
TGIF:The Lashley Girls Kill RAW, Merging Impact, and More
The ROHbot Report: Honor United Previews, ROH TV Episode 348, And More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 5
TGIF: Nia Gets Rowdy, All In All Sold Out, and More
The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars 3 - Episode 4


JG's 7/21/08 Raw Insanity: John Cena Accidentally Punches Batista On Purpose
Jul 21, 2018
JG's 7/20/10 NXT Insanity: McGillibuddies Make Michael Cole Want To Throw Up
Jul 20, 2018
JG's 7/14/03 Raw Insanity: Kane Isn't Burned, But J.R. Is
Jul 14, 2018
JG's 7/13/10 NXT Insanity: Nextivus For The Rest of Us
Jul 13, 2018
JG's 7/12/04 Raw Insanity: Kane's a Woman
Jul 12, 2018
JG's 7/11/05 Raw Insanity: Poor Man's Pillman V1
Jul 11, 2018
JG's 7/6/09 Raw Insanity: Ted DiBiase Breaks The Fifth Commandment
Jul 6, 2018
JG's 7/4/05 Raw Insanity: Chavo Guerrero becomes White
Jul 4, 2018
JG's 7/2/07 Raw Insanity: Has Anyone Seen Daniel Beck?
Jul 2, 2018
JG's 6/19/06 Raw Insanity: Vince Pumps Chickens
Jun 19, 2018
JG's 6/18/07 Raw Insanity: Mick Foley Gets A Samoan Bulldozing
Jun 18, 2018
JG's 6/15/09 Raw Insanity: Donald Trump Will Buy Anything
Jun 15, 2018
JG's 6/14/04 Raw Insanity: Hunter is Eugene's Best Friend
Jun 14, 2018
JG's 6/11/07 Raw Insanity: Vince McMahon Finally Gets Appreciation...Then He Dies
Jun 11, 2018
JG's 6/5/06 Raw Insanity: Shane-O-Mac Trips On Preggo Powder
Jun 5, 2018
JG's 5/31/04 Raw Insanity: Why Kane is a Bad Friend
May 31, 2018
JG's 5/30/05 Raw Insanity: Kane's a Fourth Grader And Other Love Stories
May 30, 2018
JG's 5/28/07 Raw Insanity: The McMumble Express Debates
May 28, 2018
JG's 5/27/08 ECW Insanity: Jamaican My Eye Bleed
May 27, 2018
JG's 5/26/09 ECW Insanity: You're Not In The Hart Dynasty
May 26, 2018

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