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JG's 6/18/07 Raw Insanity: Mick Foley Gets A Samoan Bulldozing

By James Guttman Jun 18, 2018 - 8:02 AM print


Originally Published June 18, 2007


Pinelawn Cemetary...Father's Day 2007...

The Coffin of Vince McMahon sits in front of all the assembled guests who are seated and showing their respect.  The McMahon Family is seated in the front row.

Tear

Preacher:  Friends, we are gathered here today to honor the life and times of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. The WWE Chairman has had a very full life and has touched so many others.

Linda McMahon: (mumbling) He touched too many others...

Stephanie McMahon: Mom! Shhh....

Preacher: Earlier today, I had the opportunity to meet many of you who have come to call Vincent a friend. One such story that touched me the most was when I had a chance to talk to a young boy named Raymond Steerio...

Rey Mysterio: Yo. My name is Rey Mysterio and I'm a grown man.

Preacher: (Baby Talk) Yes you are! You are a such a cute little grown man! You're such a widdle grown man!  (stopping short and regaining his composure) Ahem...anyway, Raymond told me that he was going to dedicate the rest of his matches to the memory of Vince McMahon. He even had an armband made to wear throughout his performances.

Rey: (Standing up and pointing to his black armband so everyone could see) See? I took off the top two lines of the E and moved them over here to make a V. Then I moved some parts of the G to make a K and wrote a big M next to it in silver marker.

Brian Kendrick: (staring in shock) Wow, dude. Just...wow.

Preacher: Yes, Raymond had a love for Vincent unlike anyone else.

Chavo Guerrero: (standing) Hey! I loved him more. I'm dedicating the rest of my...uh, life to Mr. McMahon.

Rey: Yeah?! Well, I got Vince tattooed on my chest and... I'm dedicating my son Dominic's life to him too!

Chavo: Yeah? Well I had a star named after him!

Rey: You son-of-a....

Preacher: Gentlemen, please. This is a time for respect. Please take your argument outside the funeral.

Vince One Nine

Still arguing, Rey and Chavo leave.

Preacher: Ah. Now that we're done with that, let's bring up one of Vincent's former employees with a special rap song he wrote. Mr. Ronald Killings.

Ron Killings: Like me now...I told you I would stop it no way, no how. Say T-N-A and Spike TV! T-N-A! T-N-A! TNA...

Edge: (whispering to the McMahons) Hey. Why is he here?

Ron Killings: ... We're gonna knock your blocks awwwwwffffff .....Said TNA's gonna knock John Cena's block awwwwwffffff.....Good Lord! We've been waiting for ya'll....

Edge: Yo! What the hell is this?

Killings: It's Total-Non-Stop-Action Time! Total-Non-Stop-Action Time!....Totalnonstopaction, totalnonstopaction, totalnonstopaction with a baseball bat! Totalnonstopaction with a baseball bat! Where y'at? Where y'at? There ya go. There ya go! Totalnonstopaction with a baseball bat!

Hunter: I like him. He makes me laugh.

Edge: What?! Dude, that's not even original!  He's doing the Peanut Butter Jelly song!

Hunter: Hey! Jagoff. Just shut up and let Shelton sing.

Killings: ...with a baseball bat so we can knock your blocks awwwwffffff. Thank you. You've been a wonderful audience.

There ya go!

Preacher: Thank you for that, Ron...whatever that was. Now, with some words for Vincent is Mr. Warrior Warriowski from Planet Ultimate.

Warrior: That's not my name, but it doesn't matter. Friends, today I stand here a happy man. Why? That's hard to explain. Sure it would be easy to just point to the coffin and say, "He's happy because Vince is dead." Yup. That would be easy to do because it's true....So, anyway, as an homage to Vince, I've decided to deliver my words to him today as both myself and the character of the Ultimate Warrior that made him so much money. So...here we go.

Michael Cole: (whispering to Tazz) I thought the Ultimate Warrior was dead.

Tazz: (whispering back) You think everyone's dead.

Warrior: (eyes bulging) SNORT! Warri-ahhhhhhhhssssss! Feel the power of the Warriah electrifying the oxygen you breathe! For when the skies above open and the millions of particles brought forth from the spaceship of destiny culminate within my veins, we shall ride the horse from planet Furon through the outermost rings of Saturn, through the gates of Hades, and back to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. That - WARRIAHS - is where we will find the power - THE POWER OF THE WARRIAH - to lead the charge through the final battle. The battle of supremacy! The battle of change! The battle TO SHIP BACK ALL THE ILLEGAL ALIENS AND CONVERT ALL THE GAYS!

Warrior stops and gives his best Ultimate Warrior Stare. The stunned crowd sits silently and stares back.

Hunter:  (whispering to Stephanie) Did he say he has a gay spaceship?

Linda: (leaning over and whispering) No. He said he has gay blood flowing through his veins.

Warrior: Hey. I heard that. I do not have gay blood. Shut up.

Linda: Do so.

Warrior: DO NOT!

Hunter: You do so, Captain Gay Veins.

Warrior: Whatever.  Screw you guys. I'm going home. Glad he's dead. Peace - I'm outta here.

Shane McMahon: (whispering) Does everyone know he's not really dead? I mean they're all acting like...

Preacher: Now, join me in welcoming our final speaker of the day...Mr. H.

Shane: (Whispering To Stephanie) Mr. H?

Stephanie: It's a new thing he's trying out - like Mr. T.

Hunter: Ahem. Thank you. You know, this business is all about change. We experience it everyday. We see the storylines change. We see the performers change. We see fans change the channel when Randy Orton comes on. Hee-hee.

Randy Orton: (angrily mumbling to himself) Great. Forgot how much fun he was to have around...

Hunter: But with change comes more change. Sometimes change can come in the form of business plans. Sometimes it comes in terms of creative. Sometimes it comes in both. I know many of you here today realize that our business has become somewhat exposed in the last few years. The shows lack the realism they once had. People don't believe the way they did in the 80s when the Junkyard Dog would slowly crawl over to his opponent, lightly tap his head into the theirs, and send them flying across the ring. The days of believability in our business is gone. That's why Stephanie and I decided to do what we could to restore it. I'm honored to say that last week, after Monday Night Raw went off the air, Stephanie had her dad meet her at IHOP. When he showed up, I snuck up behind him in the parking lot and shot him twice in the head.

Shane: (shocked) What?!

Hunter: It's what Vince would have wanted. Now, the fans can believe again. Also, since most courts can't tell the difference between pretend wrestling deaths and real ones, I don't expect to be prosecuted anytime soon. Also, as per Vince's will, anyone who killed him would immediately inherit all his worldly possessions.

Shane: (even more shocked) Again...what?!

Hunter: He had it added a few years ago and termed it "The Ruthless Aggression Clause." Cool, right? Anyway, all of you who are only here because Vince McMahon owns the wrestling industry and you feel the need to kiss his ass in order to work - you may now direct your attention to either me or Stephanie. As for the rest of the family, Linda will be handing many of the executive duties she had before. Shane...well, Shane will be around to collect any garbage you might have before we finish here today. In closing, don't forget. We'll be auctioning off parts of Vince's body on WWE's website later. Be sure to log in early so you can get a piece of ass! HA! Ha ha. No, seriously. Seriously. Thanks for coming, everybody.

Bye, Vince


ClubWWI.com Members, Check Out -

James Guttman's 42 Minute
Post TNA Slammiversary Audio Report!

Kurt Angle Takes TNA Gold, Senshi/Tajiri, The Real Start of Bob Backlund's Insanity, How Kevin Nash Didn't Come Along Until Later, L.A.X. D.O.A., Recent Radio Free Insanity Guest Animal Returns, Jay Lethal in Five Years, James Storm's Spot, Jeff Jarrett's Interview, The Risk of Broken Glass vs. The Spectacle of Broken Glass, Missing the Boat on Damaja and Basham vs. VKM, Robert Rood's Ridiculous Choices, Non Wrestlers Doing Piledrivers, The Push of Wildcat Chris Harris, Sting vs. Daniels, The Awkward Fallen Angel Promo, AJ Styles The Heel, and More

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Last week, Mr. McMahon blew up. I don't mean "blew up" in the cool rap star sense. I mean it in the BOOM! sense.

Bang, bang, America. Mick Foley is standing in the ring and the former WWE Champion is honored to address you all. With Vince McMahon's untimely death last week (JG Note: Although... blowing up at the exact moment that Raw is about to end seems rather timely, doesn't it?), Foley wanted to be the first to address you all. Last week's Vinnie Macppreciation Night featured a number of WWE's stars talking about Vince. Foley was one such name and, in hindsight, he would have lied been a bit less harsh. After all, he had no idea that VKM would "spontaneously combust." Why else does Cactus Jack owe Captain Mac thanks? Because he took a guy who didn't have "the best body in the world" or the "possess the most technical wrestling skills in the world" and made that person one of the "great successes in WWE history." I love how Mick can take a promo about someone else and make it about how successful he was. He's good like that. That's why he's a legend. Luckily, there's a guy 'round here that kills legends.

Randy Orton...come on down! The Legend Killer arrives on the scene and mocks Mick's tie and words. Last week, you said that Mr. McMahon had no friends. You said that! This is after you wrote a thinly-veiled "Mr. McMahon hatchet job" called a book! You did! Now, that little act has earned you one thing. It's earned you a trip to the list of McMurder suspects! Yeah! (JG Note: Uh oh. Writing books that are critical of WWE makes you a suspect ? Good thing I have an alibi for last Monday Night...and that all this is pretend, but we don't talk about that part.) When Dude Love attempts to argue, Randall stops him in his tracks. Chill, Furry. Orton ain't mad atcha. He's just saying that you had motivation. That's all. After all, you wrote that Book...

Speaking of Book, it's time to hail King Booker. Get your hailing hats on and prepare to do some hailing. The newest member of Raw has arrived and he's wearing his suit better than Foley is. Jim Ross takes the brief moment of non-talking to welcome us to the show. As he does, the King takes the spotlight. Booker has "first hand knowledge that there's a federal investigator here tonight" and the investigator was seen talking to Lashley for over an hour tonight! An hour! Know why? Because he has motive! Bob was McMahon's whipping boy for months. He was screwed out of his ECW title by the boss twice. Plus, some don't realize, but he has knowledge of explosives from his days in the Air Force! Bombs, man! Bombs! This revelation is so troubling to the Bookerman that it makes him lose his British accent. With the former Smackdown Monarch growing more agitated by the moment, it seems like a good time to cue the former ECW Champion.

Covert Air Force Bomb Maker Bobby Lashley is on his new Monday Night home and he's dressed more casually than the King. With a black shirt and bugged eyes, Lashley steps nose to nose with Mr. T and endures all of three seconds of trash talk before shoving him to the ground. The Harlem Heater rolls to the outside and Bobby stands tall in the ring. I feel like there's someone missing here.

Ah yes. The Champ. Well, he's here. That's right. John Cena is in the hizzy fo shizzy and this sends the heels into a tizzy. Orton and Booker jump around at ringside, causing John to call them "Kojak and Ace Ventura." He says we're not watching CSI and they should just calm down. All Cena's been doing is trying to figure out what's going on with Vince McMahon's death. You guys want to play "whodunit?" Well, it's not that easy. Nope. When dealing with a guy like VKM, you have to think outside the box.

"Over the course of his life, how many enemies do you think Mr. McMahon really had? I mean, you could be talking about house keepers, book keepers, greens keepers, divers, drivers, drummers, plumbers, teachers, preachers, that drunk in the bleachers. Yeah, buddy, I'm watching you. School boys, pool boys, boy bands, hair bands, rock bands, marching bands, anyone even remotely associated with the XFL. You could be talking about hikers, bikers, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, and on top of that, throw in all the prostitutes, pimps, and male escorts that have been 'screwed over' by Mr. McMahon - well, all except that last part. That was added for effect."
           
- John Cena

This whole thing gets a pretty bad reaction. It's sad because to read it, you'd think it would go over huge. Instead it came off like more cheesy stand up in front of a crowd that's ready to cheer for anything...as long as it's not cheesy. In the end, it seemed overly scripted. The point of the whole thing was simple. The Marine wanted his fellow performers to remember one thing. Vince would have wanted the show to go on. That's what we all want. What kind of jerky jerk wouldn't agree with that?

Well...The Coach is a jerky jerk and he looks like he has a problem with whatever the WWE Champion is saying. Coachman comes from behind the magic cutrain and first addresses the crowd.  He tells them that the men in the ring will all compete in the WWE Championship Challenge at Vengeance - Night of Champions this Sunday  You see, The McMahon Family put Coach in charge for a reason. Since The Night of Champions was VKM's idea, it's only fitting that Jonathon books tonight's show in his honor. You want a solid main event? You got it. Randy Orton teams up with King Booker to face off with John Cena and Bobby Lashley. Bam. Done. Now, as for the other problem in the ring, Coachman has some words. Mr. McMahon read Mick Foley's book.  Yup.  The Boss would never admit to it himself, but Coach will. In it, Mick, you took advantage of Vinnie Mac's blessed heart. You slammed him in your book and that's just a horrible, horrible thing to do. Your punishment? It's simple. Tonight, you - a man that Vince hated - will face a man that the chairman loved...Umaga! Ha, ha!  Have a nice day! Well, as long as a "nice day" involves getting a thumb rammed into your Adam's Apple.

 

 

Retro Commercial Break.

Next week....Raw features the ongoing investigation into Vince McMahon's death. That means that everyone will be there - no matter what brand they're on. Also, the show's three hours again. Well.  That's just...splendid.

1. Paul London and Brian Kendrick defeated The World's Greatest Tag Team when Kendrick pinned Benjamin

I'm not a big fan of Kendrick and London's outfits. They wear big baggy shorts that go right up to the top of their boots and it looks like Zach Gowan's wrestling attire. He wore big baggy shorts that went right up to his boot. Then again, Zach also has one leg. So when I see Brian or Paul in the ring, I keep thinking they have prosthetic legs. It really knocks me for a loop. Anyway, Jerry Lawler finally addresses something I noticed last week. When Vince McMahon was walking through the hallway, London had a big grin on his face. At first, I thought he was just being strange. With the eventual blowup, it makes you wonder. When you add in the fact that Paul London is looking like a homeless Ron Silver lately, it makes him a top candidate. Jerry guesses that Paulie may have some 'splainin' to do next week. This week, he and his partner, Raw's top pick in the Sunday Supplemental Draft, had some winning to do. The World's Greatest Tag Team continued their slow transition from great tag team to tag team with an ironic name and the Zach Gowan Express picked up a debut Raw victory.

Backstage in the Leather Couch Room, Jonathan Coachman is being investigated by "Lead Investigator Daniel Beck." No one is safe from Daniel's questions. Who will he have a calm quiet off-camera discussion with next? Stay tuned!

Retro Commercial Break.

Carlito Cool is here and he's just gotten back from Jeff Jarrett's garage sale. Carly has some bright white pants a great big chip on his shoulder. He takes the microphone and expresses regret. He may be cool, but no one was cooler than Vince McMahon. Now he's gone. So Carlito sends his best wishes to his family and respects their decision for the show to go on. With that, Coolio begins to talk about the Draft. He addresses Torrie Wilson and Ric Flair both jumping to Smackdown. Now there's only one...

Hey Sandman. Good to see you on Raw. I see you brought the family.

Yeah. Thanks, man. This is the family. Let me introduce you. This here's my cousin, Pac Man; my uncle Mega Man; my other cousin Ram Man; my nephew Ice Cream Man; and my niece Sheila. Uh...she's adopted.

Sandman pops open a beer and then pops open his forehead with the can. As he stands there with his crazy eyes, Sandy eyes the Apple Biter and seems ready to pounce. Rather than dissuading the Afro Headed Warrior from staying in the ring, The ECW Original's presence just makes him talk more trash. That's a no-no in the Singapore Caner's handbook. He runs into the ring and swings his Kendo stick. Cool slithers away and backs up the aisle, thus saving his beating for another day,

Still to come: Mrs. Foley's Baby Boy vs. Mr. Estrada's Giant Samoan. Also, The Marine and Bomb Jack take on Dandy Randy and The Original Kane.

Retro Commercial Break.

Yo, yo, yo. Pop a rollie and kill your homies. It's Cryme Tyme. Grinning and supposedly reverent, the forgotten tag team is here to honor the boss. He was a philanthropist and all that good stuff, but most of all, he was a capitalist. So, in honor of all that...it's the Homeboys Shopping Network! (JG Note: Apparently he was a capitalist and a fan of  In Living Color.) The babyface criminals auction off Vinnie Mac-used coffee cups and unfinished meals. Just as the skit is about to come to a close, JTG and Shad are confronted by an investigator. It seems he wants them to answer some questions. Uh oh. Considering that these guys continue to show up to Raw without being used on TV, you'd think they have enough free time to make a car bomb. Hell, given their TV schedule, they could have enough free time to make a car.

2. Jeff Hardy pinned Daivari after the Swanton Bomb.

World Tag Champions Cade and Murdoch are here to see the next match first hand. They watch on, but don't do commentary. This leaves the announcers free to talk about them and their attack of the Hardys last week. Not only that, but they can talk about cool-ass trivia. For example, apparently it's been seven years since Mick Foley had a singles match on Raw. J.R. calls it "amazing." (JG Note: Not so amazing when you consider that Mick retired. Then again, why be a buzzkill and bring that up, right?  Wheee!  Socko!)  Either way, tonight's going to be historic. Also, with the way WWE is hotshotting lately, it's not so surprising. They've really started to throw a lot of good stuff out there and some of it's working. It just seems like a but much at once...but it's better than not enough. The newly drafted (and buzzcut) Shawn Daivari held his own here, but couldn't finish off his emo-pponent. Jeff hit the Swanton Bomb and, unlike London and Kendrick, Daivari suffers a loss in the first night of his new run on Monday night. While not a good sign, it was still a respectable match that shows he can be a good asset in the ring if used right.

Following the official word, Cowboy Cade took the microphone and turned his attention to the Hardy Boy. He tells Jeff that both he and Trevor Murdoch did what they did because they had to. Jeffy and his brother left them no choice. As Lance made his point, he turned to the crowd and tried to get a reaction. Jeff gave them one. He waited for them to turn around and he propelled himself over the top rope to the floor. The new tag champs take a tumble and Hardy smiles as he prances away.

Up next: Mr. McMahon's limo driver. I guess that means he's a future WWE Hall of Famer.

Commercial Break. I'm not going to watch 4400 this season. I'm just going to go see the move 1408 three times and figure I'm just about even.

John Coachman is on his cell phone and yelling about Daniel Beck's audacity. He's questioning everyone! You know something, Mystery Phone Person? Coach had no idea how hard Mr. McMahon's job was. Now that he's not here, John has to do the lighting cues and all that. Ugh. Lights are hard, man. That's no big deal though. There's something more important on the agenda. Coachman is meeting with a man from "Sheik Production." Yes. That can only mean one thing...

It's The Iron Sheik! The former Radio Free Insanity guest is back! ( Interview available on ClubWWI.com and includes talk about Brian Blair and how he can learn to be humble) He gives "Mr. Coach" the same speech that he gave The Ultimate Warrior only without the cursing. It's an excited tirade that sees him speak in tongues and repeat one phrase, in this case - "very busy man," over and over again. The idea here is that T.I.S. seems to want his own talk show. Coachman agrees to think it over, but the Iron One wants him to listen to more gibberish. He calls off to him, but J.C. doesn't return. Instead, Ron Simmons shows up. He responds with the only word he can say ever since the top secret brain surgery - "DAMN!"

William Regal is back on Raw and he's had a Queer Eye For The Straight Guy Makeover. Now with foofy hair and a thinner face, the newly metro Regal only has eyes for Maria. Dumb girls are fun. The only problem is that there's lots of guys who feel that way. Case in point - Santino Marella. The Italian Stallion arrives and he's pleased to make Lord William's acquaintance. Instead of a handshake, Reegs simply asks, "The Italian?" He then walks away with a look of disgust on his face. This leaves Marella and Maria alone to make cutesy small talk. Hide the kids. The Italian-British War is coming.

Ready for melodrama theater? Good. Todd Grisham is playing the Rod Serling role as he introduces another cog in the McMahon Mystery Tour. It's his limo driver, Thomas Pagliaro. Thomas is either sitting on a stool for this segment or else he's four feet tall. Not only that, but he has what looks like a dead animal taped to the top of his head.  Thomas breathes deeply and recounts his tale of last Monday. You see, Pagliaro's wife called. He's been having some marriage problems. You know. Little drinking. Little banging around. The usual.  So one night he shot his neighbor's dog with this pellet gun he stole from the kid who works down at the YMCA. Kid's name is Speedy. Anyway, Speedy went and reported the gun missing to his boss down at the Y and they went and reported it to the police. The cops started questioning people on the block and Thomas had to hide the gun in his wife's underwear drawer. Then, last Monday, he was sitting in his car and his wife called. Turns out the cops came into the house with a search warrant and found the gun in the dresser. His son tried to stop the police from taking it, so they had to arrest him. When he resisted, they shot him. Right in the face so he couldn't have an open casket.  Bastards. So his wife called and she was crying...

...Actually, none of that's true. He just said he was having problems with his wife lately. He didn't explain what those problems were, so I figured I'd fill in the blanks. Anyway, he walked off to get better cell phone reception. Just as he was walking back, he saw the limo blow sky high. Seeing it blow up really changed him. He is but a kindly old limousine driver and he could have been blown up too. Could you imagine, Todd? Little Pagliaro pieces all over the parking lot? Man. Rough stuff. Anyway, the Pellet Gun thief sends his condolences to the McMahon Family and laments about the sick terrible people in the world. Wow.  Lots of irony in that last sentence.

Commercial Break.

They replay that same video package of Mr. McMahon's death and subsequent public support. Everytime they go to a close up of his "memorial," they get a shot of a Eugene teddy bear. No idea why someone would leave that. It's not a Vince doll. Maybe they got it as a present and just don't like Eugene.

Mick Foley was the first one out of the next match and he looked ready to rumble. After doing the obligatory "Fruity, Fruity, Skittles" thing and other adverts, the announcers made way for Umaga. The Samoan Bulldozer appeared on the ramp, sans Armando Estrada yet again, and looked even more ready to rumble than Mick.

These two started brawling right from the get-go, although Jack Doane didn't appear to be comfortable ringing the bell to begin. So, he didn't. This didn't stop Mick and Maga from taking it to one another. Their brawl spilled to the outside and Foley got his hands on a steel chair. He slammed it into the Monster's skull and it did...

...nothing.

Samoa Jamal sprung back immediately and kicked the chair into Mickey's face. Cactus crumbled to the ground and the Bulldozer backed up. With a running start, he flung his ass into Mankind's face, and slammed into it. Well, he just grazed it really. The spot looked OK, though. His butt brushed past Dude's head, but nailed the steps behind it. The top half of them went sailing off and Maga ended up just sort of sitting there. It made a big noise and the announcers sold it well. Foley did too. He laid on the ground with a glazed look in his eyes. Jim Ross says that the match never officially began, which is another way of saying that Mick's non-singles match on Raw streak continues. As paramedics came to make sure Mick didn't have any more brain damage than normal, the Three Minute Warner trotted back to the dressing room.

Daniel Beck is seen talking to John Cena, but that's not the big story. Know what is? The return. The return of the White Limo. Yup. In an eerie scene reminiscent of last week, a white limousine has arrived. Either Vince has driven back from the dead or else someone is really tacky. Which is it? Stay tuned!

Commercial Break. Hey Subway! Don't tell me how to eat.

They replay clips of the Foley-Umaga match from before the break. At the bottom of the screen it says, "Earlier Tonight." Uh...yeah, I guess. Technically five minutes ago is "earlier tonight" but it's still a stretch.

Mr

And now....center ring...a word from...Mr. Kennedy:

"Ladies and gentlemen, Misterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy....Kennedy. You know something, I almost couldn't bring myself out here tonight because I'm sick to my stomach for several reasons. The first, most obvious reason is that we just lost our chairman Mr. McMahon. The second, les obvious reason is that I just got drafted to Monday Night Raw. Now look at it from my perspective. It's no secret that I didn't exactly get along with the Smackdown audience. But I really, really, really, really, really, really don't like you people at all. See, it's because you people have no respect for talent. Mr. McMahon was a genius. And did you respect him? Huh? Huh? Did you respect him? Huh? No. No, I don't like to toot my own horn or anything, but I just happen to be the greatest thing to ever grace the WWE, let alone Monday Night Raw. Oh yeah. But obviously, it's obvious that you people have no respect for me. Which I just can't figure that out. See, I'm a respectful guy. And not only did I respect Mr. McMahon, but Mr. McMahon was a friend of mine. See, you all wish you knew Mr. McMahon. You all wish, but I knew him. I could talk to him about anything. I talked to him about everything from my career to my finances to my personal life at home...He told me a lot of great things. He told me that good things happen to good people. That great things happen to people who work really really hard. For people that grab that brass ring and don't wait for things to just be handed to them on silver platters like you people which is the reason you sit there and I stand here. He was a good man. He was like a father to me and that's why from this day forward I will dedicate my career to fallen legacy of our beloved chairman, Vincent KENNEDY McMahon...McMahon."
             
- Mr. Kennedy

Great promo. Good to see Ken stay heel instead of tilting over to the light side. He's great as a bad guy and now has a chance to do it on the show that WWE looks to as its flagship.

Stop the presses! We have to shoot backstage to a live shot of a parked limo! The chauffer gets out and stands in front of the back door. That's it. He just stands there. Who doesn't realize that it's bad karma to drive in the same limo that Vince McMahon died in last week? Then again this whole angle is bad karma. That's what makes it so intriguing. It seems to be pushing things over the line.  Then again, where is the line? Where do they think the line is? Is there a line? Did someone snort the line and then write some of these shows? Only one way to find out. Stay tuned!

Commercial Break. Vote Berries and Cream Little Lad in '08.

WWE airs a graphic for the death of Sensational Sherri followed by some words from J.R. and Jerry Lawler. Given how the entire theme of the show is a sort of mock-death, there wasn't too many options for the company here. If you're going to do a show that handles a real life issue as parody, then you have to be prepared if that real life issue rears its head. Unfortunately, it did this week and a good person passed away at a young age. Sherri was only 49 and really did a great deal to change the way women were looked at in this industry. As I said on the Radio Free Insanity, the thoughts of all of us at World Wrestling Insanity go out to her family and friends.

We're about halfway through hour two and that can only mean one thing - a bunch of divas in one match. This week, we get a look at three of Raw's top female talents and the one brand new one. Switching brands, thank to our Supplemental Draft, is Jillian Hall. The girl with the Piss-Off-Hogan gimmick chimes in with her best American Idol auditioner impression and sings a butchered rendition of " Amazing Grace" to honor the fallen Mr. McMahon.

3. Melina and Jillian Hall defeated Mickie James and Candice when Melina pinned Mickie

Jerry Lawler seems to be intent on making Jim Ross miserable for this match. First, he asks Jim if the diva outfits remind him of paying a cover to see his wife for the first time. Ouch. Ross then talks about the McMahon tragedy and how he's been keeping up with the event on WWE's website "three or four times a day." The King asks if J.R. read what the ballistics expert said. When Jim says he did, Jerry quizzes him on it. They talk about the ongoing investigation and Lawler points out that the disgruntled Okie once said that "if Mr. McMahon died, they'd have to rent mourners." Jimbo shoots down this statement as nothing more than a poor attempt at humor and they finally settle back in on the match at hand. They discuss Candice's improvements in the ring and Jillian's potential in the female division. In the end, the real story was Mickie-Melina though. Mel grabbed on to the former obsessed Trish fan, put her leg across her chest, and dropped to the mat. The ref hit the canvas three times and the women's Champion picked up the win over B.G. and Kyp's sister.

Commercial Break. Tomorrow night on ECW - Monty Cor Von vs. CM Punk. Elijah Burke vs. Chris Benoit. The winners face off at Vengeance for the ECW Title. Vince McMahon would have wanted it that way.

Ready to be uncomfortable? Good. J.R. and Jerry Lawler are ready to make you feel that way. They deliver an overdramatic account of Vince McMahon and speak about him in a way normally reserved for people who really died. Then again, I'm not sure what else they could do anyway. With a heavy heart and forked tongue, the commentators cue up the footage of Vinnie Mac's "demise."

Video Clip of Mr. McMahon's limo blowing up and the subsequent wreckage. While I liked the execution of the whole thing, I'm pretty amazed that anyone would think it was real. I mean, come on. It looked like a big magic trick. What would have happened if it didn't blow up? Raw would have ended with him driving off in his limo? That would have been crappy...although I can remember worse endings than that.

The White Hummer Limousine is still  here. Who's in it? Shaq? Rich Little? Little Richard?  Richard Simmons?  Hillbilly Jim? Raffi? Stay tuned!

4. King Booker and Randy Orton defeated Bobby Lashley and John Cena when Orton pinned Lashley

This was an interesting match on a number of levels. For starters, I hadn't even thought about how Lashley and Booker were back on the same brand. When Bob first showed up, his program with Book was pretty good. Even though he was green, Lashley did well in the ring with T - although it's hard not to. King Booker's ability to work with different stars and make them look good sets him apart from others. He has a good attitude and a strong work ethic. Plus, he can play different characters. He'll come in handy on Raw.  John Cena seems to be floating at the moment, which is a good thing. Given countless months of non-stop feuding, Cena needs a rest. Too many continuous feuds can really burn a crowd out on a star. It's just too much focus to give someone. At least now, J.C. has a conflict for Vengeance and can appear in matches. He just doesn't need to have some sort of life or death singles struggle. With so much focus on everyone else, you almost forget about Randy Orton. That would be a mistake, though. You can't forget that this is the man that took out Shawn Michaels and Rob Van Dam. If you do, you'll find yourself pinned.  That's what happened here.  Tonight, he took out the former ECW Champion and Army Bomb Czar. In a stunning and unexpected finish, Ort made the blind tag and waited for Lash to have his attention diverted. As soon as it was, Randy darted in and nailed the RKO. Between that and his 80 minute customary mid-match chinlock, this match was all Legend Killer.

Backstage we shoot to the limousine. The driver finally turns to open the door. He does and...oh no...Stephanie McMahon. She's here. Right there. I'm looking at her right now. Her head pops out of the limo and it makes J.R. gasp. That's not nice, Jim. There's nothing wrong with her head. Be polite, man.

Commercial Break. The Transformers Movie has me so bugged out that I'm spending my nights running through parking lots and beating cars with a bat. Who knows which ones are ready to spring to life and kill me. I see commercials. I know the risks.

Gene Snitsky is coming to Raw next week. Does he still want to kill babies? Did he lose that desire when he shaved off his Billy Goat Gruff Goatee? Stay tuned!

In the parking lot, Stephanie McMahon is having a quiet conversation with Jonathan Coachman. She tells the Coach that she appreciates all he's done. However, she needs to go to the ring alone. She has something that needs to be said. Mrs. H stumbles off and John watches as she walks away.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are still crestfallen over exploding Mr. McMahon. They can hardly contain their grief as they sell me the card for this Sunday's Vengeance.   They find a way to, though, and then send us to the ring for a McDaughter Promo.

Stephanie McMahon walks funny. I can't tell what it is. It looks sort of like she doesn't know how to walk in heels or something because every step is deliberate and off-balance. Anyway, her stride aside, Steph gets almost no reaction when she shows up on the ramp. Jerry Lawler talks about how hard it must be for her since "yesterday was father's day." (JG Note: It's part of Jerry's master plan to make fans who really have deceased parents feel even worse the day after Father's Day.) Given the fact that she made such a shocking entrance and was saved to the end of the show, you can't help but think that the writers expected a better response than she got.

Stephie Mac begins by doing the upset-cracked-voice. She's touched by the outpouring of support and, on behalf of her family, invites me to tune in next week for a three hour Multi-Brand Raw to celebrate Vince McMahon's life. As the Million Dollar Princess announces this, she acknowledges that some may think her Dad doesn't deserve to be celebrated. You may think he wasn't loved, but he's the only man that the Mackette ever knew as her dad.

"The man you know as Mr. McMahon is the only man I have ever known as my dad. And my dad is the most important person in this world. Was. And this Sunday's pay-per-view may be named Vengeance but Vengeance will be true the moment my family finds out who did this to my dad . I-LAH-YA-DAD! "
         
- Stephanie McMahon

Man this chick has issues.  This whole thing was a giant duh.

She drops the microphone and runs from the ring. The crowd is murmuring, laughing, and booing. That's how the show ends. Stephanie McMahon books last week's show again for next week's show, does a horrible fake crying bit, and runs away as we fade to black.

All in all...Such a weird show.

Look. I get that we're playing off the McMahon thing as real. It's a storyline that goes beyond the basic "you stole my dog" wrestling storylines. The only problem is that its hard to present a serious angle in an environment that's ripe with ridiculous Grade C comedy. It's just a mess of genres all rolled into one two hour show and it's impossible to get settled into a groove because the show's mood changes by the minute.

Stephanie was terrible. There was nothing for her to offer at the show's end and the fact that they booked this as the last segment shows how they overestimate her worth on-air. I'm not saying that her return couldn't get a good reaction. It could...if they had her get involved in a segment or confront someone on the roster. To just parade her out and expect people to pop for her because she's Stephanie is insane. That's what most people talk about when they point out how writers live in the wrestling bubble. Sure some hardcore fans may react big when the VP returns to TV. Most casual fans couldn't care less though. They'd rather see Goldberg come back.

Sorry. True.

Next week's show is a chance to redo the Memorial from the point of view of people who now know the boss is dead. Then again, it's still a rehash of the show from last week. Three hours of McButtkissing. It's just ridiculous at this point. It's as if this whole thing is being done to give Vince a chance to see the what life would be like if he was dead. How many times does he have to hear people honoring him before he gets tired of it? I know. I know. We all know the answer already. I was just being rhetorical.

The show itself had it's ups and downs but definitely didn't blow us away - so to speak. The post brand newcomers all found places to settle in and we're back to a big group party again next week. You can't help but feel like things are being rushed to the point that nothing matters anymore. If it isn't about Vinnie Mac's death, it ain't important.  Sadly, after tonight's show, I'm pretty much convinced that all this will be a big screwjob that sees the boss come back and cite all the nice things people said about him during his faked death.  It hasn't even happened yet and I'm bored of it already.

Hopefully you had the chance to hear the latest edition of JG's Radio Free Insanity with Jon Hedienreich . It was just part of his 45 minute ClubWWI.com shoot interview. Everything from raping Michael Cole to being in the L.O.D. to Little Johnny to reading poetry was discussed. Famous for some of wrestling most insane moments, Heidenreich is a name that we've wanted to welcome to the show for quite some time. He definitely didn't disappoint. Be sure to check it out.

Jon Heidenreich was actually the 73rd guest ever on Radio Free Insanity. That means that as soon as you sign up to ClubWWI.com, you get over 70 shoot interviews. Featuring some of the industry's top names including the Sid Vicious interview from two weeks ago that Jim Ross referenced in his blog posting today. Rob Conway in his first non WWE Shoot Interview ever. Also, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Nash, Road Warrior Animal, The Steiner Brothers, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christian Cage, Christopher Daniels, Jimmy Hart, Bobby Heenan, Dustin Rhodes, Paul Bearer, The Iron Sheik, and many more.

Don't forget that not only does Club WWI feature shoot interviews and superstar-hosted audio shows, but it also has audio reports from World Wrestling Insanity columnists. I just posted my post Slammiversary audio, but there's much more. ZAH just checked in with a 57 minute edition of "The World According to ZAH" and covered the draft, the death, and TNA at age five. Then, Aaron Wood posted a brand new 70 minute edition of "It's All Good." All this, plus a new edition of Canadian Bulldog's "Complete and Utter Bulldog" all set for tomorrow. Whether it's interviews, shows, or audio reports, ClubWWI has you covered.

See you all throughout the week. Be Well!

 

 



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