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JG's 7/21/08 Raw Insanity: John Cena Accidentally Punches Batista On Purpose
TGIF: A New Day For Hulk, MLW's Major League Potential, and More
The ROHbot Report: Nashville Return, Top Contenders 6-Man Gauntlet, And More
(32 Mins) Honor Nation: Forgiving Hogan


JG's 7/2/07 Raw Insanity: Has Anyone Seen Daniel Beck?

By James Guttman Jul 2, 2018 - 12:44 PM print


Originally Published July 2, 2007 


JG Note:  Hey guys. Time to transition back to normal again. It's been a crazy week and much like Vince McMahon said on ECW, the events of last week won't be mentioned here in the report. Instead, we'll try to get back to normalcy and return you to your regularly scheduled Raw Insanity.

With all the horrible news that we keep hearing, there has to be at least one person that we can all bust on without feeling funny about it, right?  Who? Well, how about...




Nancy Grace:
Hello gang. I'm here today with two guests to discuss all that's going on in the world of 'rasslin lately. First, allow me to introduce Geraldo Rivera. Hello Geraldo.

Geraldo Rivera: Thank you, Nancy. It's great to be here.

Grace: Also, joining me from Calgary...that's in Canada, kids. It's a wrestling legend. A superstar. A mega star. His name is Bread Hart, but most fans know him as the Hitting Man. Bread, welcome to the show.

Bret Hart: Hi, Nancy. Did you just call me Bread?

Grace: (ignoring the question) Bread, let me ask you a question. St eer-roids.

Bret: OK. Go ahead.

Grace: That it. St eer-roids. Now speak.

Bret: Not really sure what you want me to say, Nancy.

Geraldo: Nancy. Nancy. If I may, I was online earlier and I read on a very well respected wrestling website - Wrestlingballs.edu - that in the late 1980s, a wrestler by the name of Rick Martel would spray an atomizer full of steroid vapors into the faces of fans before matches. How could they justify that? There's kids in the audience, Nancy!

Grace: Bread, your thoughts?

Bret: That didn't happen. I don't even think that's possible.

Geraldo: (turning red) Oh! It's possible. I saw pictures of him spraying people. Children were holding their noses and saying, "P.U.!"  It was a travesty!

Bret: Yeah, I know, but that wasn't steroids. I don't think it's possible to spray...what did you say it was? Steroid vapors?

Arrogance For Kids


Grace:
But, Bread, isn't it odd to you that this wrestler, Rick Martel, is being brought up in all this? He was at the WWE Pay-Per-View for one. And, of course, he's the father of pro wrestler Sherri Martel who died last month.

Bret: That's not true.

Geraldo: He's right, Nancy. Rick Martel wasn't at the pay-per-view.

Bret: Well, actually he was. I was saying that...

Grace: A ha!

Bret: No. I mean, that part is true, but the part of him being her father isn't. Rick's real last name isn't even Martel.

Grace: Oh. OK. Well then let me ask you this. If he's so innocent then why does he have to use a fake name?

Bret: Fake name? What? No. I meant that it's impossible. Rick Martel is only like three years older than Sherri was.

Grace: (into camera) In case you're just tuning in, the story is professional wrestlers fathering babies at the age of only... three...years...old. Standing by is one of those babies, Bread Hart. Bread. How can a wrestler even afford to buy a baby diapers when he's only three? I'd think he would have a hard time making ends meet.

Bret: What are you...?

Geraldo: (jumping up) Oh! Oh! Nancy. He's not going to give you the answer to that. No one will. It's a big cover-up. I've been saying for years that wrestlers should stop stealing diapers. It's just wrong.

Grace: The question's to you, Bread. Diapers. Tell me.

Bret: Tell you what?

Grace: Where did you steal your diapers from?

Bret: (pausing for a moment then grinning) Am I on a hidden camera show?

Grace: Folks, in case you're just joining us, we're standing by with Bread Hart. He was once a professional hitman. He's now a diaper stealer. Bread, hang on. We have via satellite, our own Mr. Iron Shiek. He was WWF Champion way back in 1904. That's amazing. He's...oh. No. 1984. ( showing papers and pointing) That looks like a zero a little bit, right?

Geraldo: I can't see it. Your finger is on it.

Grace: Mr. Sheik. Welcome.

Iron Sheik: Hello Mr. Nancy Grace. It is honor you have the Iron Sheik here today from Iran.  Oldest country in the world. I tell you. You are beautiful woman. I have respect for you but not for, uh, Michael Jackson. NO! He is a gay! He is worse than, uh, Hulk Hogan! He's is worse than, uh, Michael Jackson!

Grace: Now there's a point that no one is bringing up. Michael Jackson. Gay? Is that true, Bread?

Bret: I don't know.

Geraldo: (rolling his eyes) Ha. You're really prepared for this interview.

 

Bread Loves Jacko


Bret: I wasn't aware that I would be asked about Michael Jack...

Sheik: That is a very good question you ask me, uh, Geraldo Nancygrace. Iran is oldest country in the world and I will find Michael Jackson, break his back, and make him humble!

Grace: You'd make him humble, Sheik? Tell me how you would do that.

Bret: (holding his head) Oh God. No.

Sheik: That is a very good, uh, question you ask me, Nancy Pants. Iron Sheik would take Michael, uh, Jordan...

Grace: Jackson.

Sheik: ...take, uh, Jackson Jordan...

Grace: Michael Jackson.

Sheik: HEY! I DON'T LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON! HE IS A GAY! WHY YOU SAY MICHAEL JACKSON!?

Grace: (into the camera) Folks, we're here with Iron Sheik and Bread Crumb. The big story today - Michael Jackson. Is he worse than Paul Hogan? That question is up on our website. Log on now and answer. Before we go, I want to thank our guests. Geraldo, thank your for joining us.

Geraldo: Hello....Oh wait. You say that at the beginning.

Grace: Bread Pudding, we appreciate you joining us. Good luck in your quest to have diaper babies with Michael Jackson.

Bret: I...am just amazed right now.

Grace: Mr. Sheik, always a pleasure. I understand you'll be getting your own show here next month.

Sheik: That is. uh. very smart question you ask Iron Sheik, Mrs. Butterworths. Tune in next month for "Break You Back, Make You Humble, News." You watch it unless you a gay like Michael Douglas.

Grace: Thank you. Up next, kids. John Stamos will be here to talk about Paris Hilton's poetry. But what is he not saying? Stay tuned.

 

You are worse than Michael Jackson

 


ClubWWI.com Members ...

Get ready as this week will feature a brand new edition of...
D-Lo Brown's "Lo-Down" audio show


(you can submit questions for D-Lo on our Insanity Forums)

...plus also the debut of our  BRAND NEW  CLUBWWI.COM  AUDIO SHOW HOSTED BY A FORMER WWE STAR!

You don't want to miss this.

Also, if you can't get enough of the Iron Sheik, don't forget that he's one of hundreds of shoot interviews available on ClubWWI.com as soon as you sign up.  Sheik is up longside names like Kevin Nash, Jerry Lawler, Eric Bischoff, Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, A.J. Styles, Demolition, Jimmy Hart, and others. 

All your favorite stars as you've nver heard them before...all in one place.

ClubWWI.com


Video package of WWE Vengeance. It actually feels pretty good to go back in time, if even for a brief video.

Raw Theme Plays.

Hello, everyone. What's new? Nothing much here except, you know, Vince McMahon's not blown up anymore...although we're not totally sure of that even.  No one can get Daniel Beck on the phone.  Speaking of phones, Raw is on the air and ready to rock your socks off. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are here in Dallas and they've already tipped three cows today. You better be ready for the best WWE has to handle. If not, we got three words for ya....

Misteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer Kennedy....

... KENNEDY!

Ken Kennedy is here tonight for one reason. He's upset. Know why? Because he lost his Money in the Bank opportunity.  Again, know why?  It was the crowd's fault!  Yup!  They're the ones that made him use that opportunity. You pushed him too far! You made it happen! You gave him stress! You forced Ken Kennedy to make decisions he didn't want to make! You did it! You! (JG Note: Something tells me there's going to be some people picking that whole speech apart tomorrow.) Before you can think too deeply about it, John Cena arrives to straighten ya'll out the only way he knows how - by using slang terms for genitals.

The Champ is here! Cena arrives, but he can't seem to put his finger on where he knows Mr. Whatshisname from. He knows you though, Blondie. Where from, though?  He knows you, though!  You're that wrestler from Smackdown. You do the microphone gimmick. You do the name thing. Oh yeah! You're...

"Mister....Cameltoe!"
                   
- John Cena

The crowd seemed to like it. Then again, it's Dallas. They'll pop for a sneeze. John goes on to call out Kenny for his comments earlier. Listen up, punk arse. You have yourself to blame. How can you blame the fans? Just to drive the point home, Cena goes on another one of his Evening at the Improv routines and while cutting down Ken, he refers to him as a number of nicknames. Among them:

Mr. Crappypants

Mr. Kellogg's Crunchnuts

Mr. Colostomy Bag

Mr. Kenny G

Through all the one-liners, John makes one point. You can't blame the crowd for your indiscretions. If anything, Mr. Kennedy's word means nothing anyway. Cena don't like him. Cena don't believe him. In fact, the Champ knows only one thing for sure. It was Mr. K that cost himself his shot. No one else. After mocking the Mister once more, Johnny finds himself interrupted by the Royal Trumpets. That can only mean one man.

Jerry Lawler.

OK. So it could mean two men. King Booker arrives. The King speaks unto Sir Jonathon of Cena. It matters not what the heathens believe, Sir Cena. There is but one man that has made you kiss his royal feet. That man is King BOOHAH! So on this day - July 2nd, 2007 - His Royal Harlem Heater challenges you for the WWE Title...

Sorry, Mr. Orton. We seemed to have stained some of your dry-cleaning.

Hey. Nothing you can say. Nothing's gonna change what you've done to me.

We know. Is there something we can...

Now it's time to shine.

Please, Mr. Orton. We're sorry.

I'm gonna take what's mine.

Take whatever you want. Please.

Take what's mi-i-ine! HEY!

Randy Orton is here and he's wearing his favorite shirt. Orton calls out to Ken Kennedy first. Kenny. You're all new and stuff. You don't have the resume that the Legend Killer has amassed in his time on Raw. He's ended the careers of both Shawn Michaels and Rob Van Dam. What have you done? Nothing. That's right. Big goose egg, dipstick. Now despite all that, Randall has never had a one on one title shot with John Cena. Never. Everyone else can claim that they deserve to get a go at the gold, but no one deserves it more than Cowboy Bob's baby boy. Fork it over, Mareenie. You're belt belongs to...

Bobby Lashley, I presume. The former ECW Champion is the newest party guest and he's still twice as wide as my garage. Bob steps into the ring and lets everyone in on a few "cold hard facts."

Kennedy: Lost the Money In The Bank Shot.

King Booker/Randy Orton: Former World Champions. Both lost.

Bobby Lashley: Never lost the ECW Title.

Bud Light:  Never Fills You Up.  Never Lets You Down.

Because of all that, Lash feels he deserves the shot. Oh, and he also should never speak a word on TV. Never. Never, ever, ever. If this guy just stared into the camera while a manager went crazy, he's be gold. Instead he sounds like Vicki from Small Wonder. The fact that people are into him at all is a testament to his look and his ring style. I can't imagine his promos having anything to do with it. Anyway, before things get out of hand, the voice of reason arrives. Tonight, the voice of reason has a British accent.

Up on the entrance way, a dapper gentlemen appears. It's Lord William Regal, fresh from the hair dresser, with a special message for all the guys in the ring. John Coachman is on "Holiday" at the moment so William Regal has been placed in charge. Talley ho, bitches. Lord Willie declares that on this day, we will crown a new #1 contender to John Cena. No joke. We're going to crown a top challenger for the Great American Bash and even have a contract signing in the ring! That all happens tonight! How will we figure out America's Next Top Challenger? Beat the Clock, baby. You know how it works. No?  Well, one guy has a match and it's timed.  The next guy has a match and has to beat his time and so on.  That's how it traditionally works.  Either that or they all just beat up a grandfather clock.  I'm leaning towards the first explanation though.

Regal than gives the order.  First up - Randy Orton. Sorry, Sunshine. His Lordship has decreed your match to commence immediately. Well, immediately after we show some advertisers...while we still have 'em.

Commercial Break.  I have a vague memory of this commercial...which makes me feel old.

Randy Orton's in the ring. His opponent in Round One of Beat the Clock is about to show up.

Untrue Jeff Hardy Fact of the Day

Wrestling is actually Jeff's second career. Before getting into the squared circle, he owned a fast food chain by the name of "Hardee's." The name was spelled differently for tax reasons. (note to mainstream media: please credit Wrestlingballs.edu when referencing this newz. Thankers.)

1. Beat the Clock: Randy Orton pinned Jeff Hardy after the RKO in 7:06

This was a tough internal choice for Randy Orton. On one hand, he has to set a low time in Beat the Clock. On the other, he loves dem rest holds. So - rest holds or time. Rest holds? Time? Decisions, decisions. Guess what won? Bodyscissors. Oh yeah. Randall appeared to miss the point of the match and locked Hardy in a body scissors for quite some time and it still didn't help him. After a few minutes, Jeffery rebounded and opened up a can of nail polish on the Legend Killer. He tore into Ort with kicks and flips before nailing the Whisper in the Wind. After a number of near falls, the Hardy seemed to have things going in his favor. Unfortunately for him, that's Mr. RKO's M.O. With "The Rainbow Haired Warrior" already counting his prize money, Dandy Randy trotted on in and hit his Running Knock Out for the one, two, three. Seven minutes and six seconds, Captain Orton gets the pin.

Time to Beat: Randy Orton - 7:06

Up next: Melina vs. Maria. Fans of women's wrestling, stick around for a Women's Title match! Fans of half naked women, stay tuned for sexy time!

Commercial Break. WWE runs a "Don't Try This At Home" ad. I guess they figured there's lots of "visitors" tuning in tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if Vince played footage of the Iraq trips, Michael Pena's Make-a-Wish Raw G.M. show, and the time he won the Sloan Kettering award in 1993 before the night's over.

Mmmm. Oh hey, Melina. Good to see you. Just sitting here in the dressing room getting ready for our match. Mmmm. You want to kiss me, Melina. You want to kiss me all over my...HEY! WHY'D YOU HIT ME, J.R.?

You're talking in your sleep again, King.

2. Melina pinned Maria

Women's Champion Candice Michele did commentary for this one. She did a pretty good job, too. I mean, she's not Gordon Solie, but she did a respectful perforance. Compared to how she would have handled this two years ago, she was amazing. That's the thing with Candice. She's not the greatest female performer ever, but she shows improvement in everything she does and it shines through in how she carries herself. That can be said about most of the female roster, to be honest. I think we've finally started to get out of the whole brainless diva phase and into a more steady roster. Melina and Maria went out and delivered a good match and played their roles well. A few years back, we weren't saying things like that. You had confused blondes staring blankly into the camera and laughing in the faces of pro wrestlers. The whole division has definitively grown by leaps and bounds in the last few years and it isn't acknowledged enough. This one came to a close when the former Women's Champion placed her leg across the chest of Maria and dropped her to the mat. Uno, dos, tres. With that, we can put a W into Melina's column. Alright. Giggidy.

After the bell, Johnny Nitro's ex-manager confronts the new Women's Champion at ringside. No one told Lina that Candice has been drinking her milk. The Go Daddy Girl hops up and goes nose to nose with the A Lister. Mel attacks and pushes Michele against the barricade. Her upper hand is short lived though. Candy goes buck and tosses her attacker aside. She leaves M laying on the ground and climbs atop the announce table, holdomh her Women's Title high for all to see.

Coming up: Santino Marella defends the Intercontinental Title against Umaga. 

Commercial Break.  Three Von Erichs singing about pizza.  I kid you not.

Video Package detailing how Triple His training to come back. We all gather around the television and cry. He's coming, everyone. The Game will make everything better. The Game will save us all. Game. Game. Game. Amen.

Hooooooo! Hacksaw Jim Duggan is ho-in' it up with Dusty Rhodes and his son, Cody. The young Rhodes shows respect to Duggan before he walks away. It's quite the contrast to that other son-of-an-80's guy. What his name? The one that beats up the hotel rooms.  Oh yeah....

...Randy Orton.  He's here, by the way.  Runs in to the scene and confronts the Daddy and Son. Hey, Busty. He he. This your kid? Great. Randall doesn't care. He's a Legend Killer! Cody stops Ort short and lets him know that he should stay away from the 'Merican Dream...if you weeel. No one's gonna hurt Cody's Papa.  Randall mocks this threat and instead chooses to slap Old Rhodes in the face. Young Rhodes trie and attack the face-slapper, but his dad holds him back. (JG Notes: He must have learned his lesson with the other kid. If you don't teach your children discipline, they wind up wearing a metal bra and making out with a Vachon.)

Backstage, Maria manages to still look glamorous while in pain. Reeling from her loss to Melina, she holds her wounds and waits for an Italian dude from Jersey to kick it to her. Santino Marella fits this description. He walks up and expresses his condolences over her beating. She expresses equal condolences over his upcoming beating at the hands of Umaga. Santa says that he must proves his championship worthiness tonight by beating Maga. It must be done! SanMar then smiles and walks away...but soon returns so he can give Mary a kiss. Awww! Marella likes pretty lady. If she's lucky, maybe she can see his O face. Bellissimo. Magnifique! Ce'se'bon!

Commercial Break.  Von Erichs again.  This time they enjoy pizza with their new phone!

Mmmm

3. Umaga pinned Santino Marella after a Samoan Spike to win the WWE Intercontinental Title.

I'm so glad that this whole Santino experiment is over. An underdog champion only works if you have him actually do well. In Marella's case, he got a fluke win and then stunk up the joint. This match was no exception. Coming off more like Tony Jabronie than a reigning champion, Santa was easy pickins for the Samoan Bulldozer and his thumb. The Samoan Spikes the Italian and the belt goes back to where it belongs.

On a side note, I wonder how long before Nancy Grace does a story about how Umaga's manager, Armando Estrada, is missing. Someone should call her and say that Maga ate him. After the official word, the Samoan Bullchampion held his new title in his mouth while King Bookah lead his queen down a backstage corridor. Bookie does his royal thang...next!

Commercial Break. I thought they were playing another Don't Try This At Home Video, but it was a commercial for the Ladder Match DVD . I guess you still shouldn't try it at home, but whatever. Go check the garage. You probably have a ladder. Wimp.

4. Beat The Clock: King Booker pinned Val Venis after the Scissors Kick in 4:30

I love when Val Venis shows up on Raw every few weeks. He just shows up like, "Hey. Here I am. Been here the whole time." I guess he's too recognizable to move on to a new gimmick. Then again, I always thought that's why they created masks. Make him a luchador Zombie. That would be sweet. Anyway, Chief Morley's hopes of victory were out the window before he even shined his head this morning. The King was in full effect and while the announcers continued to accidentally call him, "Booker T," his Majesty still came out on top. He hit a gut-wrenching kick to Double V's belly and followed up with the Kingly Kick. The referee hits the floor, taps it three times, and raises the hand of your winner...King Booker - the winner with time to spare.

Time to Beat: King Booker - 4:30

In the backstage hallway, Ken Kennedy is talking to a Mexican woman. Wait...it's Super Crazy. Sorry. My bad. It was the hair. Threw me off. Anyway, Kenny has an idea for Soupy. Since their match tonight is "Beat The Clock," maybe Crazy should just lie down. If he does, Kennedy will slip a few pesos his way. (JG Note: Why does he know who his Beat The Clock opponent is when no one else did?) Loco smiles big and agrees to the deal. With that, Misteeeeeeeer Kennedy waaaaaaaaaalks away. When he does, S.C.'s face changes. Uh oh. It looks like he wasn't just lying. He was SUPER LYING!

Commercial Break.  Iceman King Parsons Loves Furniture!

5. Beat the Clock: Super Crazy pinned Mr. Kennedy - No Time (Only a Kennedy Victory Applies)

Before the bell, Ken Kennedy showed the world why heels never win. They have no people skills. They always piss off people who don't speak English or old women or kids or dogs or some sort of cute character that eventually gets revenge. In this case, it was Ken F. Kennedy's big mouth that got him in trouble. The former Money in the Banker verbally tore into Super Crazy before the bell. This left him wide open for a surprise attack. Almost immediately, Crazy rolled him up and score a pin. Everyone went crazy...so to speak, but eventually realized that the Mexicooler's time didn't matter. For him, his true prize is the love of the fans. Thank you. Thank you. You're a lovely audience.

Time to Beat: King Booker - 4:30

All hail King Bookah! The Bookerman is backstage with Queen Sharmelle and talking to someone just off-camera. Listen, Mystery Man. You're facing Bobby Lashley tonight. Now as you know, Book has the time to beat. All you have to do is just last for four minutes and thirty seconds. Is that cool... Shelton? The camera pans over to reveal Shelton Benjamin, who's happy with what he hears. No worries there, Stevie Ray's brother. Shelly's got'cha back. With that, the King puts out his hand and Benji kisses it. Awww. As soon as he does, Booker reminds everyone that despite the man-on-man hand kissing, he's still into the ladies by ramming his tongue into his wife's royal mouth. The camera gets a close up and it looked like he was giving her the ol' Spinaroonie.  Bada boom ching.

In the Event Center, Todd Grisham has a very stoic Dusty Rhodes by his side. The Common Man tells Randy Orton to meet him in the ring next week. Why? Because Dusty wants to eat him, that's why. OK. I actually made that part up. He never says why.  Seemed like a good guess.

Somewhere in the backstage area, Carlito Cool is chatting with Torrie Wil...uh, Jillian Hall. He's mad about something,. Before he can fully explain what, he's confronted by The Sandman. Jill quickly runs away and the two men go face to face. Sandman, who reminds me so much of Gary Busey, gets up in Afro Boy's face and gives him some straight up ECDub smack talk. Carly responds the only way he knows how...with Apple Spit. He hawks a big applesauce loogie on Sandy and seems satisfied with his actions. He must not know the former ECW Champion's routine. You can spit your fruit. He'll spit his beer. In fact, he does just that. Cool reels as the flying brewspit hits him in the face. But by the time he wipes it away and turns to confront his confronter, Carlito finds he's too late. The Sandman is gone... but the Damn Man is here. Ron Simmons is now in the spot that the Hardcore Icon was in just a moment ago. He sums up the scene as only he can.

" Damn!"

Also, Jillian Hall's entire workday just lasted six seconds. I think if she breaks down her paycheck by time on television, she'd be the highest paid person on TV ever. Take that, Donald Trump.

Commercial Break. Da Crusher...HATES TELEVISIONS!

6. Carlito Cool defeated Sandman via disqualification

I'm really becoming a fan of Sandman. There's something genuine about him. He seems like a badass that can beat you up if he wants to. That's the whole point of these guys. Everyone talks about how characters need to be "larger than life," but there's something to be said about guys you can relate to. In Sand's case, he looks like the guy in the bar that you don't go near. He just glares at people throughout the night. Now that's a gimmick. As for Carlito, he's OK, but a little more cartoony. He's like Al Pacino in Scarface meets Carrot Top. Sandy knocked the former Intercontinental Champion into reality though. You know how? With his trusty Singapore Cane, Ms. Ruby. S.M. swung for the fences and blasted Carly square in the head. The referee had no choice but to call for the bell...because it's, you know, decided beforehand. Duh.

Commercial Break. THIS is the strangest wrestling-related commercial I've ever seen and that's saying a lot.  All I know is that Billy Graham must drop acid before signing off on poster deals!

Shelton, you're up.

Hey, uh, I'm supposed to have an interview with Daniel Beck. Where is he?

Who?

That guy. The investigator.

Who?

Daniel Beck!

No idea what you're talking about Shelton. Hang on. Let me use my walkie talkie real quick... BEEP...Hello, Vince? We have to do another mind-erase on Shelton. Sir...he remembers. HE REMEMBERS!

7. Beat The Clock: Bobby Lashley pinned Shelton Benjamin after the Spear in 3:06

Shelton Benjamin has new tights. They're a cross between Lance Storm and Christian Cage. I wonder if Charlie Haas, his tag team partner and first guest on JG's Radio Free Insanity (interview archives available on ClubWWI.com) has a matching pair. Anyway, the plan here was for Shelly to run away while a frustrated Lashley stood in the ring and pointed like a goon. I mean, of course he's going to kill time if you let him run away. Bob may have been onto something though. When he did choose to chase Benji, he was caught and pounded. Shelton even reversed a backdrop attempt by Donald Trump's favorite wrestler into a pretty sick looking DDT. Everyone let out a collective gasp, but their shock didn't last long. Bobby fought back but couldn't seem to keep the momentum in his favor. From a backstage monitor, King Booker cheered for the clock to run out. It didn't do him any good though. With only 24 seconds remaining, Lash hit his Spear and scored the pinfall. The crowd was seriously loud for this finish. It was a great ending and really showed how far Lashley has come.

Beat The Clock Winner: Bobby Lashley - 3:06

While the number one contender celebrates, the number one Champion is on his way to the ring. John Cena and Bobby Lashley fill out paperwork...next!

Commercial Break. A commercial airs for Triple H. It promises that he's coming soon. Wet your hair. Grow muttonchops. Talk to your Ric Flair figures. Do whatever you must to prepare yourself.  The Game Returns.

William Regal's hair is here and he's got some papers with him. Once the temporary G.M. gets in the ring, he introduces the man who just won the last match...but went backstage for some reason. Let's bring back out Bobby Lashley!

Bobby comes to the ring again. Not sure why he went backstage after his match. Maybe he had to pee.  No biggie, though.  Once peeboy hits the ring, Lord William introduces the man he will face at the Great American Bash. He's the WWE Champion. He's John Cena!

The WWE Champion arrives and stands in the ring with the Clock Beater. Cena tells Bob that he's ready for their match and knows they'll have a good ol' time. When the Bash finally comes to pass, may the best man win. With the pleasantries exchanged, Bobby puts his John Hancock on the document and makes his involvement official.

Yo. I love you, man.

Thanks.

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, right?

That's Jamie Kennedy. I'm Ken Kennedy.

Oh. OK. Sorry

Ken Kennedy is here and he's got King Booker by his side. The two heels question this whole thing. This match is a farce and shouldn't even happen. Kenny and Kingly walk the aisle, but when John Cena invites them to "come get some," the battle begins. They rush the ring and we have a Pier Seven Brawl on our hands! (JG Note: Pier Six was closed.)

Once the good guys run the bad guys from the ring, it's time to get back to the business at hand. Cena takes the pen and signs the contract. Here it is. Signed. Sealed. Delivered. He's yours. The match is now official. Bobby Lashley vs. John Cena. Two friends. Two comrades. Two babyface main eventers that have had to battle angry fans every other week each step of the way. These two guys were meant to be friends their whole life. Unless of course...

Bobby Lashley spears John Cena.

Which he did as soon as Cena handed the pen back to the referee.

The Marine hits the mat and Robert does his signature pose (JG Note: The one where he puts his arms up like Daniel LaRusso doing the Crane Kick.) It doesn't appear to be a heel turn thing, but rather a good-guys-don't-exist-anymore thing. Lindsay stands tall while the Prototype lays on the mat as we fade to black.

All in all...Back to business.

The Beat the Clock gimmick was a good way to start fresh. It always makes for a better show when you have a flow throughout the matches. It makes it all seem like it has meaning. While I wish they would have focused more on consistency (certain guys knowing opponents beforehand, others not), they did a good job of giving it all a point. I also wish they'd pick a direction with Super Crazy and stick with it.

Bobby Lashley's Spear on John Cena was great. His victory over Benjamin was even better. WWE should be happy with the job they've done with Lashley. He's gone from being booed at every turn to getting good reactions. I'd still keep his talking down to a minimum. If you close your eyes, he sounds nothing like what he looks like. Maybe they can teach him to put some growl into his voice or something. I know that Mike Tyson had the same thing going, but he's crazy so it's OK. Bobby's not crazy. He's nice. Can't sound like that and be nice. Then again, he did Spear Cena. So maybe the nice thing is getting old for him.

Miss Daniel Beck? Neither do I. He was like Tritter from House or Catherine White from Mick Foley's WCW amnesia thing. Peace out, Daniel Beck.  Won't really miss ya.

By the way, I realize he was part of a dropped storyline. I was kidding in the headline. Please don't email me about it.

The night was basic and that's all it had to be. No one was looking for WrestleMania 3. We just wanted a show that could help us get back on the road to The Great American Beach Brawl or whatever the next show is. Never before have we been so insanely knocked out of our PPV to PPV routine. For a whole week, I forgot there were any pay-per-views. Now it's back the Bash.

WWE's back on TV. They want $30 from me.

And all is right with the world.

That's it for me, guys. Don't forget to check out ClubWWI.com during the week for an all new audio, a new Lo-Down with D-Lo Brown, and much more! Be well. Thanks for sharing the Insanity!



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